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porn induced taste or is it just who I am, Trigger warning, need help

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by syefox, Nov 16, 2020.

  1. syefox

    syefox Fapstronaut

    good morning/good evening everyone, I hope you are all doing good I have quited porn and somehow convinced my SO to indulge in minor FEMDOM that we later switch roles, because I couldn't get it up or rarely got it up in vanilla normal sex, I wasn't always like that, I remember when I was 16 or sth I was normal, I watched normal porn but i don't really know what happened.
    I really love her, I really need to have a healthy sexual life, she is very supportive and I want to be better for her and for myself
    my question is: is femdom porn addiction curable ? or am I really into femdom ? in other words am I really into it or was it only porn induced ? I have been crying, I relapsed after a week streak due to exams and stress from work and having to stay up all night for a few days, unhealthy eating only 1 meal a day becaues I forget to eat usually or too lazy to eat.
    I really need help here! I don't feel like myself anymore, I am sorry that my post had potential triggers, but I really need some insights here guys
    thank you for reading my silly words and I much appreciate your replies!
     
    Venkat19 and WingsOfFreedom like this.
  2. GeeJ

    GeeJ Fapstronaut

    It could be porn induced but I am no expert. Was it like this before the femdom stuff?
    I do not even know what it is so no triggering for me.
     
  3. WingsOfFreedom

    WingsOfFreedom Fapstronaut

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    Hey! I could relate a lot to what you’re mentioning in your post. Relapsing from stress, not eating enough, and trying to get your SO out of their comfort zone are things I’ve had to deal with as well.

    I can’t really say for certain if that is something curable or not. If you think the interest is only from viewing P, my best guess is as you go through rebooting those particular urges should fade away over time.

    In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with liking femdom and practicing it with your SO. If it’s something you want to phase out of your life though, I say go for it and see how things go. Best of luck to you
     
  4. syefox

    syefox Fapstronaut

    WingsOfFreedom no I remember having it vanilla when I was 16, my thought is that did porn help me discover idk sth in me that i didn't know exist or did porn induce it ?

    GeeJ no it wasn't always like that
     
  5. WingsOfFreedom

    WingsOfFreedom Fapstronaut

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    That’s really hard to say. I think that’s something that you can only discover yourself with time and introspection. For the moment, I would suggest focusing on recovery and see where that leads you.
     
  6. syefox

    syefox Fapstronaut

    yeah well, I am rebooting it's just that my idiot addictive part of my brain just keeps telling me that maybe it is the real me and all this reboot is for nothing
    I only liked femdom in an imaginary scenario, never a real one and when I practised it in reality it was over the phone or through texting, I did very painful stuff to myself psychologically that I can't believe what i did (she cursed my dead mom and called her names for example) and I only felt the rush of pain that gave me a rush of pleasure, I am a freakin' monster
    is this really me or is it the porn ?
     
  7. syefox

    syefox Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your reply problem child, and thanks for sharing your experience well...I did have an abusive female figure (my old sister) abused me till I was 21 or something, she has her execuse, she is some kind of borderline/bipolar and what she did was extreme hot and cold cycles, one week she is generous, buying me stuff and taking me out and the other ? she just starts comparing me to my peers and son's of her collauegs from work and much more (verbal/psychological humiliation, guess what genre of femdom I am in ? the same thing) and that just sucks, I also didn't have a fatherly figure and was raised soley by 3 females (mom and two sistes) so yeah I buy in on your theory of having it implanted
    the thing now is...I have a strong feeling that this is not me but for most of my childhood up untill now I somehow almost always viewed females as being superior but now I am realizing it was all a facade, I can feel my femdom inclination crack but it's a teeny tiny almost unnoticable crack
    the question is why does it have to be sexual ?
    I am sure that there is a solution for it if it was a problem to begin with

    it also pays to think of how it progressed through the years, back then when I was 16 I used to be able to have sex and PMO'ed to vanilla porn but it had a pattern, everyone has a pattern I am hoping to reverse it, I think it starts with being aware of how do you feel before the urge comes along

    "It's either porn induced or its another external factor. I truly believe that people arent born with fetishes, it's always something implanted to them, usually when they're young."
    your insight on this inspired me to continue my research and introspection, I would let you know if I reached something and feel free to dm me if you want to discuss this even further
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2020
  8. GeeJ

    GeeJ Fapstronaut

    I guess its different for me I had a strong female figures in my life and an abusive Aunt and none of this rings true for me.
    I was also abused by some others but I never adopted that particular behaviour. That topic is for another time.

    I am interested in figuring out why this occurred with you.
    I am not going to be sexiest and say that woman are not bright and some can be real strong. I would love to wrestle with a strong woman. LOL.
    Men aren't that much smarter or powerful as you put it.
     
    WingsOfFreedom likes this.
  9. MathiasO

    MathiasO New Fapstronaut

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    There is a really good part of the book "Your brain on porn", where the author talks about a study once made, where researchers gradually made rats turn on to the smell of a dead rat, by spraying this scent on the rats sexual partners. This is normally a smell that rats despise, and won't go near, but in the end of the study when presenting the rats with the opportunity of a normal smelling partner, or one that smelled like death, the rats chose the latter, and they even got turned on just by the smell of death...
    This just shows how much your brain can change, from how it was meant to work!
    And the theory is, that it should turn back to normal with time.

    Best of luck!
     
    ProblemChild likes this.
  10. Humble Sir

    Humble Sir Fapstronaut

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    Like any long-term porn addict will tell you, PMO tends to make your kinks more extreme. It's like drugs in that way -- you always need a bigger dose. The good news is that (at least from my experience) if you can stay away from PMO for a significant time, all these weird fetishes and extreme porn will interest you less and less.
     
    GeeJ likes this.
  11. Pretty easy: Do a clean reboot. Don't watch ANY porn for 90 days. Not even for a second.

    If you still have that fetish, it's probably NOT porn-induced but would have been your preference anyway.

    But here's the thing: IF your gf is enjoying it, too, there's no reason to "cure" yourself. If that's your kink and what makes you happy, by all means, live a fulfilled sex life without being ashamed of it!
    The only thing you need to cure is your porn addiction.
     
  12. GeeJ

    GeeJ Fapstronaut

    Being stronger physically can not be your only measurement of strength.
    Intellectual strength.
    If you are talking about biology why is that men mature at the age of 40 and woman probably in their 20s or younger.

    And woman genetically have stronger immune systems than men and woman are more resillent in other areas of biology and the majority of women out live men.
    To me that does not sound like males being superior.

    Their are more inventers and other men in academia because in history woman where not aloud to read or have an education.
    Men. Yes, stupid Men refused them education and woman are still refused the same pay in identical job roles.

    If these Men were not so insecure and perfectic they would not have blocked woman because of their ridiclious notion ego. Woman have gone along with men thinking they are superior for decades.

    A truth you need to know.
    Unlike men even if a woman is superior to a man she will have the modesty and reservation to not hold it over that man as men do.
    History again.
    Men go to war(If you still think men superior why did these unintelligent men. Yes, men go to war to be killed).

    Another one.
    I would love to see a man single handley raise many children at one time and still have a job and maybe education and be a amazing parent and if you look at the woman who does this. It seems effortless but if you ask a man to try.(The list of inadeqcies and issues are long).

    Another one. Why woman gentically more successful at academic studies.
    It the way they are created to be serious, focused, humble to not overstep their own intellect.

    I am a man but not a stupid man.
    You still want to talk about physical strength go and look some pictures of female bodybuilders. Strength case closed.
     
    WingsOfFreedom likes this.
  13. onwards_upwards_1

    onwards_upwards_1 Fapstronaut

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    This is spot-on. If you enjoy it in a healthy and consenting relationship, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Quit the porn, and you may find the fetish goes away, but if it doesn't, then what's the harm in incorporating it into your sex life? The important thing is that you are doing it with an actual person who wants to have sex with you rather than sitting alone in a dark room infront of a screen for hours on end - that's what messes you up - that's where the shame and regret comes from.

    In terms of wether or not it's 'really you' or just porn induced . . . it's probably a bit of both. You likely already had something in your psyche that made you lean towards this genre . . . but the porn is almost certainly what turned that little inclination into a fully blown fetish. Personally, I've found my unwanted TS fetish subside with long streaks of no porn - maybe it will be the same for you. But if not, don't feel bad about it, just keep enjoying the benefits of not watching porn while being greatful that you have a GF who is happy to participate in something that you like.
     

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