Porn is a vice for me that I can't escape and seems to have caused greater problems

[Pete the friendly Dragon]

Hello, I am soon to be 20 years old. I've been a very consistent porn user since I was 12. In recent years, I have used it almost daily, and even more recently, have accessed it multiple times in any given day.

Last November, I had my first real sexual encounters with a girl. In each of them I failed to obtain full or sufficient erections. At the time, I researched this, and concluded it was simply nerves and being inexperienced.

But deep down, I knew it was something more.

I have not had any sexual encounters since this one girl in November, but I have observed patterns of being able to obtain erections Only through watching porn and sometimes in the morning when I wake up. I have become greatly concerned that I have an erectile dysfunction that will continue to exist, including in any future real life sexual scenarios, unless I take an abstinence from porn.

Aside from the erectile issues, I have come to use porn so frequently that I feel it diminishes my quality of life, including contributing to general sadness, skewing my views of healthy sexuality, and feeling reliant on the use of porn as a channel of urge, lust, boredom and sadness.

The extent of my use has become so wide that I feel I need it in my everyday life. It also feels as though I'm indulging in something considerably immoral (especially within hardcore porn I typically prefer) and that makes me feel what some might describe as "dirty." And not in the playful way. There are times it genuinely makes me feel worse about myself. The feeling that I cannot stop looking up porn is even worse. It truly feels like an addiction at times.

The longest I've gone without watching any porn in recent times that I can recall is two weeks. This has happened more than once. Usually, this was triggered by indulging in a real life love interest and feeling no need or urge for porn on the internet. Last year, I went about 8 days without viewing porn simply at my own will. Other than that, I have always relapsed. It feels like I am stuck in a prison where I cannot escape the urge of viewing porn.

If I am to treat this as an addiction, I want to beat it. For health reasons, for self esteem reasons, and for liberation. I didn't know where to turn to, so I googled around and found this site. I don't know what to do from here other than attempting to exercise sheer will power again. That has failed me before. Please help!!!

 

[Pete the friendly Dragon]

Where can I access your journal?

 

[Deleted Account]

Hello, I am soon to be 20 years old. I've been a very consistent porn user since I was 12. In recent years, I have used it almost daily, and even more recently, have accessed it multiple times in any given day.

Last November, I had my first real sexual encounters with a girl. In each of them I failed to obtain full or sufficient erections. At the time, I researched this, and concluded it was simply nerves and being inexperienced.

But deep down, I knew it was something more.

I have not had any sexual encounters since this one girl in November, but I have observed patterns of being able to obtain erections Only through watching porn and sometimes in the morning when I wake up. I have become greatly concerned that I have an erectile dysfunction that will continue to exist, including in any future real life sexual scenarios, unless I take an abstinence from porn.

Aside from the erectile issues, I have come to use porn so frequently that I feel it diminishes my quality of life, including contributing to general sadness, skewing my views of healthy sexuality, and feeling reliant on the use of porn as a channel of urge, lust, boredom and sadness.

The extent of my use has become so wide that I feel I need it in my everyday life. It also feels as though I'm indulging in something considerably immoral (especially within hardcore porn I typically prefer) and that makes me feel what some might describe as "dirty." And not in the playful way. There are times it genuinely makes me feel worse about myself. The feeling that I cannot stop looking up porn is even worse. It truly feels like an addiction at times.

The longest I've gone without watching any porn in recent times that I can recall is two weeks. This has happened more than once. Usually, this was triggered by indulging in a real life love interest and feeling no need or urge for porn on the internet. Last year, I went about 8 days without viewing porn simply at my own will. Other than that, I have always relapsed. It feels like I am stuck in a prison where I cannot escape the urge of viewing porn.

If I am to treat this as an addiction, I want to beat it. For health reasons, for self esteem reasons, and for liberation. I didn't know where to turn to, so I googled around and found this site. I don't know what to do from here other than attempting to exercise sheer will power again. That has failed me before. Please help!!!

Hi. Welcome to forum!

Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain after physical injury. Plus it is generally a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body.

You gotta make sure it is proper mindfulness meditation though. "Mindfulness" meditation where we just focus on breath is more like a concentration meditation instead. It works too but differently and not as powerfully in my experience. Real mindfulness meditation however trains you to accept your urges by understanding the nature of them by observing them, not just suppress them by concentrating on something else instead. It makes you comfortable with them. And once you accept and become comfortable with them there is no need to get rid of them, so there is no need to PMO. Only reason why we PMO is because that urge, that itch in our crotch is uncomfortable, we wanna get rid of it. And then after PMO we have our release. Or we simply want pleasure. And inability to have that pleasure makes us uncomfortable. But if we accept that we can not have pleasure then resistance is gone and there is no reason to PMO.

Acceptance and mindfulness is the key. Check out this Ted talk on acceptance and mindfulness practice, it gives a good idea of what's it's about when it comes to philosophy. The mindfulness practice as described by psychologist in a the video can be used by itself but ideally should be used as supplementation to your daily sitting meditation. Sitting meditation I personally practice and recommend to people is as explained by meditation expert in this YouTube playlist. If you don't like the monk or want other method there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations.

Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!