Porn is often seen as a "man" thing. But maybe addiction is a "man" thing?

[Mordobarn]

When people talk about porn or masturbation addiction, it's often assumed that this is about men. Few people think that women could have this problem.

To some extent, this is understandable; the vast majority of porn and masturbation addicts on this site (and presumably elsewhere) are boys and men.

But what if it's not porn and masturbation specifically, but any addiction?

I read an interesting BBC article about a men's retreat. Part of the article says, "As well as being overrepresented in suicide statistics, men are two to three times more likely to be addicted to drugs and alcohol, half as likely to be referred to psychological therapies and comprise most of the prison and homeless populations."

Given how toxic men's upbringing is, especially for the older generation (during my childhood, being a man meant suppressing all emotions other than anger, scorn, and a smattering of others in restricted doses), how could it be otherwise?

This restrictive upbringing for men, although different in detail between cultures, seems to have a worldwide commonality.

Education, not just about porn, drugs and addiction, but also about emotions and dealing with emotions, surely should be an integral part of the school curriculum worldwide?

 

[Marik757]

Porn addiction I believe has to due with the mindset we have as humans. Hundreds of years ago men would go out and try to bear as many children as possible with different women. It was for survival, and pleasure. They didn't have internet, phones, video tapes, DVD's, VR, etc. so they had real face to face interaction. But now with current technology, and porn both men, and women don't need to go out and seek pleasure.

Men have it harder to deal with. Men act on visual ques more than emotion which makes porn more of an 'man' thing. Why bother going out to fight over women when they can look at all those hot women on P sites for days/months/years without any work. They get addicted, sit behind an screen, PMO. Men will use porn and neglect their emotions for instant satisfaction. But once they get out to meet real women it's like they know nothing of courting, emotions, and companionship. T

Women act on emotions, they want the thrills and fantasy from porn that may not be provided to them. I knew some women who had porn addiction issues. They let it control their life and set up expectations based on what they see in porn. Women who become honest with themselves will seek out help, as they know there is more to life than just sex. They want long term emotional companionship like others seek. Resorting to porn, or jumping from partner to partner wont fill that void. Once they do find that one special person things can change for them. They feel loved, and respected so their focus on porn might diminishes as she focuses on her man, and family.

 

[Deleted Account]

When people talk about porn or masturbation addiction, it's often assumed that this is about men. Few people think that women could have this problem.

To some extent, this is understandable; the vast majority of porn and masturbation addicts on this site (and presumably elsewhere) are boys and men.

But what if it's not porn and masturbation specifically, but any addiction?

I read an interesting BBC article about a men's retreat. Part of the article says, "As well as being overrepresented in suicide statistics, men are two to three times more likely to be addicted to drugs and alcohol, half as likely to be referred to psychological therapies and comprise most of the prison and homeless populations."

Given how toxic men's upbringing is, especially for the older generation (during my childhood, being a man meant suppressing all emotions other than anger, scorn, and a smattering of others in restricted doses), how could it be otherwise?

This restrictive upbringing for men, although different in detail between cultures, seems to have a worldwide commonality.

Education, not just about porn, drugs and addiction, but also about emotions and dealing with emotions, surely should be an integral part of the school curriculum worldwide?

I actually support the tougher upbringing of men because we men need to be strong and not be pussies. Although, I don't know if that affects our addiction problems, it could just be that men are biologically more prone to addiction than women.

 

[Lilla_My]

That men resort to pornography use due to an inherent biological need to spread his seed is a flawed argument. It's scientifically proven that there are genes for monogamy occuring in male humans (due to difficulty in child rearing, disease prevention, risk of infanticide etc.), although these genes may not be present or switched on in everyone at any time. Additionally, a species with the female being monogamous but not the male is non existent - if males are hardwired for "more" then females would be hardwired for "better" and relationships as we know them would not exist.

That women aren't "as visual" as men is another lie that men tell themselves to feel better. As a woman, there is nothing in this world more enticing to me than a physically attractive male. All women I have ever met go crazy for movies like Magic Mike and Aquaman, and it's not because they were eloquently written or "romantic".

The biggest difference is that for women, pmo is absolutely taboo, something you would never discuss, not even with your closest friends. In biology class, us girls where taught how to prevent pregnancies while the guys discussed pmo as something natural and encouraged. So men are free to talk about pmo but NEVER emotions, but women are supposed to ONLY talk about emotions and never pmo. Both sexes, however, experience equal arousal when exposed to erotic images/videos.

What causes me to refrain from pmo but not my man then? It's not because I wouldn't get hooked on it, of course I would! It's because I have tools, I have resources. I, like the majority of women, have spent my entire life dealing openly with my emotions and practice intimacy, whereas he has been told that any sign of feeling is weak, gay and wrong. Testosterone increases risk taking behaviour somewhat and could definitively contribute to the higher frequency of addiction among men.

Bottom line? The animalistic needs are the same for both genders, but how we deal with them is a learnt behaviour. I choose to not go down the visual route because I'm 100% dedicated to the man I'm with.

 

[LilD]

I'm a member of Narcotics Anonymous community. I see a lot of women in the community. It's clearly not just a male thing.

 

[LilD]

As a woman, there is nothing in this world more enticing to me than a fit male. All women I have ever met go crazy for movies like Magic Mike and Aquaman, and it's not because they were eloquently written or "romantic".

I know several women who say the contrary. Particularly, they don't like bodybuilder-type guys because they find them "too narcissistic." So, opinions differ, as always.

 

[Lilla_My]

For sure! With "fit", I ONLY meant a physically attractive male, not someone that necessarily goes to the gym, or is overtly muscular.

 

[LilD]

@Lilla_My, but you've mentioned Magic Mike and Aquaman... I haven't seen those, but judging by images it's just what I mean when I say "bodybuilder-type guys." I'm sure those actors spend a lot of time in gyms.

 

[Liv4ever]

I know several women who say the contrary. Particularly, they don't like bodybuilder-type guys because they find them "too narcissistic." So, opinions differ, as always.

Glad to hear that :')

 

[Lilla_My]

It's just examples of movies where there is a lot of focus on the male body. Another one would be 50 Shades of Grey, which also targets a predominantly female audience. I woulnd't say the male lead is a body builder, but he is cast in the movie because he matches the expectation of what most females like to see.

 

[Mordobarn]

I actually support the tougher upbringing of men because we men need to be strong and not be pussies.

There is a gigantic difference between strong and tough, and being emotionally absent or cynical. I have been both. I was brought up to be a "man", meaning to grit my teeth and bear it out without seeking help, to avoid showing any emotion, to show off how tough I am, and to deny any emotion other than toughness. Emotions were seen as weakness, ineffectuality, and (heaven forbid!) effeminate.

Having been through therapy because of that attitude, I am now genuinely strong, whereas before it was an act. I'm stronger than I've ever been, by a long, long way. I am now absolutely open to my emotions, and to being open, honest and forthright about them, and to accept them in others, both men and women.

The fact is that it is the weak man who acts "tough" and emotionless, and the brave man (in our society) who feels no shame in, or need to hide, his emotions.

Women act on emotions… Women who become honest with themselves will seek out help, as they know there is more to life than just sex. They want long term emotional companionship… Resorting to porn, or jumping from partner to partner wont fill that void. Once they do find that one special person things can change for them…

Maybe I'm a woman in man's clothing, then, because that applies to me every bit as much as you say that it applies to a woman. I have male friends who feel the same way as I do.

That men resort to pornography use due to an inherent biological need to spread his seed is a flawed argument.
…
That women aren't "as visual" as men is another lie that men tell themselves to feel better. As a woman, there is nothing in this world more enticing to me than a fit male.
…
… men are free to talk about pmo but NEVER emotions, but women are supposed to ONLY talk about emotions and never pmo. Both sexes, however, experience equal arousal when exposed to erotic images/videos.

My personal experience is that everything that you write is true, for most people.

 

[Deleted Account]

Men are usually at both the lowest and highest levels, and always will be. Men make up the majority of prisoners, homeless cases, drug addicts, etc. Men also make up the majority of CEOs, leaders, generals, etc.

Reason? Men are biologically less valuable than women, and consequently need to take much higher risks to survive.

This difference has nothing to do with intelligence, physical strength, etc.

 

[Deleted Account]

There is a gigantic difference between strong and tough, and being emotionally absent or cynical. I have been both. I was brought up to be a "man", meaning to grit my teeth and bear it out without seeking help, to avoid showing any emotion, to show off how tough I am, and to deny any emotion other than toughness. Emotions were seen as weakness, ineffectuality, and (heaven forbid!) effeminate.

Having been through therapy because of that attitude, I am now genuinely strong, whereas before it was an act. I'm stronger than I've ever been, by a long, long way. I am now absolutely open to my emotions, and to being open, honest and forthright about them, and to accept them in others, both men and women.

The fact is that it is the weak man who acts "tough" and emotionless, and the brave man (in our society) who feels no shame in, or need to hide, his emotions.

Maybe I'm a woman in man's clothing, then, because that applies to me every bit as much as you say that it applies to a woman. I have male friends who feel the same way as I do.

My personal experience is that everything that you write is true, for most people.

Well I wasn't raised like you and my parents never taught me to suppress my emotions, but I still feel as if I should never show any signs of weakness due to the expectations put on me by the society and myself. I do have breakdowns sometimes, but I learn to accept them and move on. I never had thoughts of being a woman and I really just think it's just all in your head. You are a man and you should be proud of that.

 

[Mordobarn]

I never had thoughts of being a woman and I really just think it's just all in your head. You are a man and you should be proud of that.

You misunderstood me. I have no desire to be a woman, and I am most happy to be a man.

 

[ReclaimedLife]

That women aren't "as visual" as men is another lie that men tell themselves to feel better. As a woman, there is nothing in this world more enticing to me than a physically attractive male. All women I have ever met go crazy for movies like Magic Mike and Aquaman, and it's not because they were eloquently written or "romantic".

I know several women who say the contrary. Particularly, they don't like bodybuilder-type guys because they find them "too narcissistic." So, opinions differ, as always.

I can actually prove this.

The last girl i was with used the topless picture i send her after a workout as the contact picture in her phone. And we had a short, but highly sexual relationship.
And she knew we will never be in a real relationship and will just enjoy the time with each other.
I have also talked to a lot of girls by now, friends as well as girls i just met, and almost all of them will admit at some point, just for having sex, they are as visual as men.
They just never say that in public because it would give them a bad image. They also often don't consider those guys they are highly aroused by relationship material because, chances are, those guys have this kind of impact to most wamen they meet, are fully aware of that fact, and are WAY harder to keep then a regular guy.

And i actually also have a friend who is exactly this type of guy. He is a model, tall, tanned and has a very good looking, masculine face as well. He never actively has to "work" to have sex. He is so good looking, even if he deliberately behaves like an asshole, just to test the girl, more often then not, she still wants to sleep with him.
That is how powerful looks are.

Really good looking men and wamen can treat the opposite gender reasonably bad and still get sex easily.

That means, if you are a men or woman, the more you invest in yourself with body and mind, the higher the chances of having success in the mating game.
And i personally think that most woman are most aroused by the athletic type of guy. Muscular and fit, but not being a bodybuilder.

Not attracted. Aroused.

But due to that, in theory, both genders can become be addicted.
The kicker comes with testosterone. Men just (generally) have a higher sex drive then wamen. And porn is dedicated to men as well.
So, having a generally higher sexdrive, combinded with the fact that porn is made for them, i am pretty sure that the vast majority of porn addicts will be men.
Just due to the natural gender difference.
The wamen who watch porn can become as addicted as men.
I just think there are way more men watching porn then wamen.

 

[Lilla_My]

I can actually prove this.

The last girl i was with used the topless picture i send her after a workout as the contact picture in her phone. And we had a short, but highly sexual relationship.
And she knew we will never be in a real relationship and will just enjoy the time with each other.
I have also talked to a lot of girls by now, friends as well as girls i just met, and almost all of them will admit at some point, just for having sex, they are as visual as men.
They just never say that in public because it would give them a bad image. They also often don't consider those guys they are highly aroused by relationship material because, chances are, those guys have this kind of impact to most wamen they meet, are fully aware of that fact, and are WAY harder to keep then a regular guy.

And i actually also have a friend who is exactly this type of guy. He is a model, tall, tanned and has a very good looking, masculine face as well. He never actively has to "work" to have sex. He is so good looking, even if he deliberately behaves like an asshole, just to test the girl, more often then not, she still wants to sleep with him.
That is how powerful looks are.

Really good looking men and wamen can treat the opposite gender reasonably bad and still get sex easily.

That means, if you are a men or woman, the more you invest in yourself with body and mind, the higher the chances of having success in the mating game.
And i personally think that most woman are most aroused by the athletic type of guy. Muscular and fit, but not being a bodybuilder.

Not attracted. Aroused.

But due to that, in theory, both genders can become be addicted.
The kicker comes with testosterone. Men just (generally) have a higher sex drive then wamen. And porn is dedicated to men as well.
So, having a generally higher sexdrive, combinded with the fact that porn is made for them, i am pretty sure that the vast majority of porn addicts will be men.
Just due to the natural gender difference.
The wamen who watch porn can become as addicted as men.
I just think there are way more men watching porn then wamen.

Your friend there proves an interesting point. I remember reading about a guy who did an experiment like this. He used two different dating profiles, one in which he was a male model and the other in which he was a less than attractive regular guy. Both used similar phrases when they interacted with females. The phrases were modified to be misogynic, mean, rude, offensive and sexist. Needless to say, a hate storm soon broke out for the "ugly" gentleman in the experiment. The female interest in the male model, however, didn't go down in the slightest. Even when the man said the most horrendous things, women where still up for one night stands with him. In the long run, it's obvious that a man like this wouldn't have been able to succesfully maintain fruitful relationships. But looks are enough to get laid.

 

[ReclaimedLife]

Your friend there proves an interesting point. I remember reading about a guy who did an experiment like this. He used two different dating profiles, one in which he was a male model and the other in which he was a less than attractive regular guy. Both used similar phrases when they interacted with females. The phrases were modified to be misogynic, mean, rude, offensive and sexist. Needless to say, a hate storm soon broke out for the "ugly" gentleman in the experiment. The female interest in the male model, however, didn't go down in the slightest. Even when the man said the most horrendous things, women where still up for one night stands with him. In the long run, it's obvious that a man like this wouldn't have been able to succesfully maintain fruitful relationships. But looks are enough to get laid.

Not that it matters, but my friend is actually in a fruitful relationship now. With a girl who is as crazy as he is.
They really are a good match.
If people actually get to know him, they will see that he is a cool guy. He IS relationship material. If he wants to be in one.
And i know him by know. Even though he has all the opportunities in the world a guy could wish for when it comes to having sex, he never cheats when he is in a relationship.
But he will leave the relationship if the wamen forces him to with bad behaviour.

But he won't cheat.

We are very similar in regards to that.
We both know who is good for us and set very clear relationship boundaries for our wamen.

I just don't have this kind of choice.
Yet.

 

[0111zerozero11]

I can actually prove this.

The last girl i was with used the topless picture i send her after a workout as the contact picture in her phone. And we had a short, but highly sexual relationship.
And she knew we will never be in a real relationship and will just enjoy the time with each other.
I have also talked to a lot of girls by now, friends as well as girls i just met, and almost all of them will admit at some point, just for having sex, they are as visual as men.
They just never say that in public because it would give them a bad image. They also often don't consider those guys they are highly aroused by relationship material because, chances are, those guys have this kind of impact to most wamen they meet, are fully aware of that fact, and are WAY harder to keep then a regular guy.

And i actually also have a friend who is exactly this type of guy. He is a model, tall, tanned and has a very good looking, masculine face as well. He never actively has to "work" to have sex. He is so good looking, even if he deliberately behaves like an asshole, just to test the girl, more often then not, she still wants to sleep with him.
That is how powerful looks are.

Really good looking men and wamen can treat the opposite gender reasonably bad and still get sex easily.

That means, if you are a men or woman, the more you invest in yourself with body and mind, the higher the chances of having success in the mating game.
And i personally think that most woman are most aroused by the athletic type of guy. Muscular and fit, but not being a bodybuilder.

Not attracted. Aroused.

But due to that, in theory, both genders can become be addicted.
The kicker comes with testosterone. Men just (generally) have a higher sex drive then wamen. And porn is dedicated to men as well.
So, having a generally higher sexdrive, combinded with the fact that porn is made for them, i am pretty sure that the vast majority of porn addicts will be men.
Just due to the natural gender difference.
The wamen who watch porn can become as addicted as men.
I just think there are way more men watching porn then wamen.

Is your phone autocorrecting at this point?

Also, yes, looks get you pretty far, unfortunately. At least, in my case. One of the reasons I probably stuck around too long was because model worthy. That's the truth. I'm not proud of it....

 

[Mordobarn]

… empirical scientific evidence on this topic?

You haven't made clear which aspects specifically you are looking for. There are several links in the original article; they're not all direct links to the research, but they'll give a good lead as to where to look for the research. Maybe Google Scholar will help?

 

[ReclaimedLife]

Is your phone autocorrecting at this point?

Also, yes, looks get you pretty far, unfortunately. At least, in my case. One of the reasons I probably stuck around too long was because model worthy. That's the truth. I'm not proud of it....

Not just in your case.

In every single case where the partner/lover of the good looking person isn't fully balanced and willing to give up someone who isn't good for them, looks or not.
And i am pretty sure that this is the case for the majority, in both men and wamen. Some learn from it, some don't and the same relationship with the same problems keeps repeating itself with the next person they meet.
Guys and girls try to hang on to someone who is beautiful because they are scared they will never get this kind of "prettyness" in their life again, and sacrifice their own psychological happiness for it.

The only thing we can do is become more rounded people and see the person who we chose to be with for who they really are.

We have to defend our happiness with our lives. And that also means kicking out people that aren't good for us. In any way, shape or form, no matter how hard it is going to be.