Porn Is Twice as WORSE for OCD sufferers Especially

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by zenon27, Nov 25, 2021.

  1. zenon27

    zenon27 Fapstronaut

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    There is a saying "A girl that GO BLACK will never go back".

    Well what does that say about all the males watching straight porn? I mean you are watching two people fucking, you aren't doing anything but spying on them actually.

    So what does that tell you? People may eventually grow to like other males junks, because he seen so many of them it may puzzle them on what they want.

    I was a diagnosed with OCD by a specialist and before that I'm sure if I was on any LGBTQA community I would be called repressed. I am suffering from HOCD or sexual obsessive compulsive disorder

    I'm trying to puzzle my way in figuring out what is fueling my ocd to be this strong to even make me wanna go test myself with gay porn after never in my life having any interest for it, and im talking I'm 33 and since I got Internet and was 15 I never once felt excited to go watch gay porn so i didn't for 17 years straight, but now all of a sudden I need to test myself with gay porn. Doesn't work tho, still not exciting, can't even orgasm to it, but my OCD gives me never ending doubts.

    Its self-esteem, its self-hatred, porn also plays a role because you see all this girls and some guys tell themselves they can't have them, so they fap out of desperation. This low self-esteem fuels your OCD into eventually believing your thoughts and then worrying why you aren't scared as much as you used to be it, because you get tired of it, this is called a backdoor spike.

    If a girl exposed to bigger package can wire her interest why you think porn can't do the same to you?
     
    flexy, Robert.G99 and learning like this.
  2. iRebootMyself

    iRebootMyself Fapstronaut

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    All OCD ever wants to do to you is just make you doubt, not proving anything, just doubt, and that's enough for it to win against you.
    I got diagnosed with heavy OCD by a professional psychiatrist and got meds that basically made me a zombie, didn't like it because I couldn't work, I felt my brain got switched off, I couldn't think or even try to play a video game, I was walking slowly and weirdly, and I couldn't even sleep well, so I stopped taking meds, and I had to go toe to toe with this garbage hell on earth mental disease.

    All I had to do to is just do nothing, let it throw its shit at me, feel the strong anxiety eating my heart up, and let it sink and take whatever it wants from me, and most importantly: never respond to the thoughts, at least respond once and deny it 3 or 4 times until you get over it.
    The worst part of it, after suffering all these years from it, you realize the fact that it was actually simple to defeat it.

    TLDR: stop seeking assurance, stop seeking answers, let the anxiety and doubt take their place but never respond to them.
     
  3. zenon27

    zenon27 Fapstronaut

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    my man I know the battles of OCD i had this aswell as other themes like swallowing saliva, blinking, heart beat, super aware. I had it 4 years ago and beat it when I got more social also, but the pandemic and all, recently I got super confused when I got tingle feeling down there when my mind thinks of penetrating's my own ass with my own limp dick, i get that buzz that i heard its a groinal respond. Not to mention that I seem to be leaking some yellow mucus from my bum, sometimes I have an urge to go take a shit, just to have nothing to shit but this damn yellow sticky mucus. My doctor knows about it, but she doesn't seem to wanna help me whatsoever, didn't even get antibiotic or anything. I heard yellow mucus from your ass is a sign of bacteria infection and also its stimulating me and that fuels my OCD by giving me thinking I want it in the ass. I tried a finger in my ass when my ocd was strong didn't like it, but my ocd makes me think i did it wrong so its like it wanna make me adapt into one day liking it, its all sorts of twisted. But if this anal sensation duo to yellow mucus wouldn't be around my hocd would not start
     
  4. iRebootMyself

    iRebootMyself Fapstronaut

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    Do you see it? It's a problem.
    You talk too much about it, you're talking to yourself more than you're talking to me in that reply, you still wanna assure yourself that you didn't like it, etc...
    You mention a lot of stuff, you try to be logical and reasonable, you think this helps you a bit but it's exactly the opposite, every time you try to assure yourself maybe you feel better a bit but after that, you come up with a new "What-If" thought out of nowhere that increases your anxiety even more, trust me, you don't need it.
    You'll start to feel better every time you ignore it, I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, but it's is doable.
     
    zenon27 likes this.
  5. zenon27

    zenon27 Fapstronaut

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    as you say it, actually at one point I took a psychologist appointment as another form of reassurance also. No worries I'll not speak of it, actually the way I beat it last time was simply to not talk about it, or write about it anywhere. I also notice that the relief time gets smaller and smaller when you get assured a lot, and my ocd would only make me think that its my ego that is giving me relief and ego being build on social construct that doesn't add to my core believes so ego-syntonic, this would spike me like hell because it would make me think I have OCPD and not OCD, but enough of this, thanks for the reply tho
     
    iRebootMyself likes this.
  6. joyjoy311

    joyjoy311 Fapstronaut

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    I don't really know what is OCD in depth, but porn addiction for me seems like a behavior embedded in ourselvs after so much repetition.

    I think behavior replacement will make porn addiction disappear, my biggest streaks are 14 days but after a week or so my thoughts about porn, constant sexual compulsive thoughts are fading away, when I in the first 3 4 days I have those compulsive thoughts to just open porn without any logical reason. I played a lot of football as a kid, and I felt how to hit the ball in many scenarios or go where I want, it is that learnt behavior that simply feels right and same goes to porn or smoking. After daily its all you know to react to some input you get from real life and you respond to it automatically or reason to do it until you do it, or you keep thinking about it. An idle mind is a dangerous mind in my case, I need to be constantly motivated and active towards a goal, the moment I sit thinking, I realize how empty is my life, what I am lacking, what I need, what my future looks like and obviously progress doesn't happen tomorrow, I go into fantasies about my better self, like any human being loving someone, having... sex ...having kids and from here it begins, control your mind, don't let your mind be idle, do stuff that go towards a goal or maybe engage in a hobby that eats that free time and makes you tired, that consumes the extra energy.

    Regarding gay stuff, I think it is manipulation to self induce yourself into all sorts of stuff, it doesn't have to be gay, but there are special frames in life, like "phases" in childhood where I might relate building a family with a prostitute, or experimenting with a transgender, you know its a thought that you materialize because the enviroment is like that and you self induce yourself into thinking, yes thats it, I like it, but is a small reference frame in yourself and you take the decision to expand it for your whole life, in my opinion in special kids are victims to gay stuff and gender stuff, especially the ones that go that far to change their sex organ. I am not denying some feel different, but in all cases I've seen in my real life, all those people come from abusive enviroments.

    Yes I agree watching porn is quite twisted for everyone, I personally in the last years I watched camgirls, and when it was porn I usually like the woman and how "easy" and "submissive" she is, for me it reflects the type of womans I like.

    In my opinion first thing you need to do, is stopping thinking too deep about this, puzzling kinda doesn't work in my experience, porn is bad you replace it with something that doesn't give you weaker dopamine hits, like social media, videos games, useless youtube video, memes whatever, basically you need to kill a lot of entertaining forms and work on your reward system, accomplishing things, goals, having a neat behavior, being responsible and honest, thinking about dangerous things leads to dangerous things eventually.

    For me is hard to replace porn because I live isolated, not even living in a city to go out, living alone, depressive life, working on PC all day, I am like in the boiler room, and with the right motivation I managed to get 14 days streaks a few times and I can tell you, porn thoughts go away if you do many streaks, just be busy with other things, you will realize its not that important. My main issue is that many times I lose my emotional motivation and I fall again into thinking, which is wrong, do not think about porn, do something else that makes you think about something else.
     
    Robert.G99 and zenon27 like this.
  7. zenon27

    zenon27 Fapstronaut

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    abusive enviroments... well my father was a brute an alcoholic so i had to protect my family since I was 10, i felt some things were striped away from me. If i ever was to wanna have a homosexual life it would not be because of sex but because in my life i never had protection, I was always the one protecting, I had no real rolemodel and I hated myself for how stuck I become in my life, its like if i took that life i may have a moment i may enjoy it but in the end it would be living a life of trauma, because I wanna be a better father my father never was and i want my own family also, wife kids. Being gay for me would be a form of escape, as I tend to feel homosexual when I am at my lowest, depressed and lazy but when I strife and do things, and manage to make my own things, get new work and so on then I feel heterosexual with zero doubts in my mind.

    Funny thing is im a youtuber with 40000subs (can share in PM) and i used to game until i got this, now i stopped uploading content. I also did logo work and layout for other twitch streamers. Thing is i never went 4 days without porn. I have a fiance in LDR
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2021
    Robert.G99 likes this.
  8. I also have OCD and I agree it only complicates our recovery from what are called "acquired fetishes". After many years of watching porn we often veer into more graphic and deviant material. Really this is just our brains trying to use the thrill of novelty to get that same dopamine rush we used to get just watching "vanilla" porn. But, since we have OCD, we start to question ourselves "Is this who I really am? Do I really want these things? What if? What if?" You know the cycle.

    It's annoying and frustrating and the only way to break it (along with good counseling and possibly medication), is to refuse to do the compulsive thing we're doing (such as testing ourselves by watching gay porn), accept the temporary anxiety this triggers, then let it slowly fade away - over and over. No amount of testing/checking will ever free us from anything, it will only reinforce our worries.

    Once you truly understand this you gain the power to overcome OCD, to break its hold on you. You can do it. Stop the porn, stop the checking, accept the temporary anxiety (use the support of a good therapist if you need it), and learn to relax and be ok with your true nature, which, like all of us, is imperfect.
     
    again likes this.
  9. DriftyMountain

    DriftyMountain Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, no doubt porn has severely worsened my POCD/HOCD. Porn addiction and sexual-based OCD themes are not a good mix.
     
  10. virtuscb

    virtuscb Fapstronaut

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    Are you sure you have a mental illness? These days everybody has a mental illness. If you were never diagnosed or diagnosed by someone who listened to you for 10 minutes and sayed "yes you got it". By acknowledging that you have OCD, you are actually feeding it. Now it's like you don't have any control, because you are sick. If you were not diagnosed I highly suggest to get control back of your mind.
     
    zenon27 likes this.
  11. virtuscb

    virtuscb Fapstronaut

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    Ah btw. even if you got diagnosed, it could have been a mistake or even nonpermanent.
     
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  12. zenon27

    zenon27 Fapstronaut

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    Very mature responds. idk man, you have a good point, i can remember being fine until i start reading on OCD then i start to feel like im developing it also. You may be right, the dude is an expert in OCD and he listen to me for 60 minutes while I explained my worries. I used to have hyper awareness over saliva, blinking, heart beat, this is just another theme.

    I'm open minded and I tried things, I do have my preferences tho, I am an ORAL junky, I love getting it but from women, not from men, i tried it with both, I have zero interest in watching anal in porn from anybody. it so happens my dick didn't move an inch with a male giving me oral, he was bisexual and we were waiting for a woman to get there also, he tried very hard tho, but i felt asexual all that time. I didn't feel of wanting to be penetrated either on such time, all that happen was him trying to give oral, its all the bullshit when I'm alone that makes me get ideas, but not in real. And I also have no want to fuck another dude either. I mean last time i checked all my erections were with my woman my girlfriend, not even porn give me an erection so easily but little things like holding hands kissing, sometimes just close to her activates my Johnson fully and have precum also, I guess its the excitement being next to a woman, but im so bad in reading my emotions, I'm like a robot in that departments lol but now this long distance relationship we are stuck in, in a pandemic and no sex for long time is making me confused.

    I have at least 2 lucid sex dreams with women in a week, so perhaps im just sexually frustrated at this point and porn just isn't cutting it but staying committed is a ***** also when no sex is involved, my gf said to take escort i took it twice but last time it was all getting very dominant blowjob from her, but escort are not the same, i don't want that shit, I want my woman, all this extra shit is only adding to my confusion and those are expensive also

    thing is you could be right, i tend to overthink and duo to this I could potentially be able to give myself this doubts also, when brain is bored and all, i just got work right now so things should get better while i get back on my damn horse. I can remember it weird when I have 3 booze all the doubt boom, went away, so its most likely just connected to a lazy brain, and current low self-esteem that is just making me stimulate this idea that there is something wrong with me, while I could be completely fine also. I mean when I was at doctor I was always A-okay, so that made me feel extra stuck
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2021
  13. virtuscb

    virtuscb Fapstronaut

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    It's normal to project illnesses on yourself once you read about them. My father is a doctor and he told me that when he was a student learning about all the illnesses he thought he might have them. When you read a lot about OCD the same thing might happen to you. Here on the forum every second guy says that he has OCD, why? Because maybe Gary Willson mentioned it in his book and now everybody who watched some gay porn thinks he has it. If you think you have an illness you always have an excuse to say that you are were not responsible for your actions or it's extra hard for you compared to others because of your sickness. In the end it's an excuse that will block you from your progress and your goals. Sometimes we need to reevaluate our beliefs about ourselves. Not saying that mental illnesses don't exist, but think about what properties you are choosing to think about yourself...
     
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  14. TheFappingFox

    TheFappingFox Fapstronaut

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    I'm diagnosed and medicated for OCD, had it most of my life. It took serious hold in worsening my P addiction, but with perseverance and willpower , recovery is still possible. Never give up, even if the challenge is tougher, that just means we have even more to be proud and thankful for on the other side.
     
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  15. zenon27

    zenon27 Fapstronaut

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    yeah i get you man, i don't even watch gay porn but i will not lie did get erect at a sight of a dick in porn when I was week away from porn but only when it was next to a woman, that respond shocked me actually, made me think why that happened. I have Your Brain on Porn book actually, ill not think too hard on what I have and focus on how to better my day. My girl and me, well lets just say even if I was gay, she wouldn't mind it because she accept me for who I am, my character, I don't hide anything from her. I wouldn't say i don't have OCD just because i had other themes even before I knew about OCD and they were not porn sexual related like swallowing when your whole day is infested with awareness of you swallowing your saliva, i beat all those themes but its still strange, i didn't read anywhere about it, i just got it one day, so this shows that my case could be OCD more than some people that did only read on specific things
     
  16. virtuscb

    virtuscb Fapstronaut

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    Okay man I wish you all the best. I think it's great that you are selfaware and that your girlfriend accepts you for who you are. I wouldn't try to analyze porn or your reactions to it too much, but I guess you know that :)
     
    zenon27 likes this.

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