GymGoer8417
New Fapstronaut
Hey everybody
So after going through some of threads on here and just googling a bunch of shit I realised there aren’t many threads about being addicted to (basically) gay hookups. So I decided to make one.
Im still on the journey of recovery so everything I write on here isn’t gonna be a guide on how to recover but it’s just stuff that I do.
THERE WILL BE A LOT OF MENTIONS ABOUT SISSY/TRANS PORN!!! So take that as a trigger warning I guess
Let me start from way back.
I started watching porn from around 11 or 12 years old I think. My first exposure to porn was finding a CD in my moms room and watching it when she wasn’t home. I guess it was normal hardcore porn? A guy fucking the shit out of a girl on a table. And I remember almost puking and feeling so bad after watching it.
But sometimes I would still watch when I was home alone and eventually I started looking up porn online.
Like most people I started on pretty normal stuff. A girl and a guy having sex. But as time went on I needed more.
Im tall and fairly good looking but wasn’t having any luck with women. And my reasoning was “Why would I look for a gf when it’s easier to cum to porn”.
Obviously that was a trash reasoning and it made me not seek out girls. I think I was around 14 here and as time went on I started watching more and more porn. Spending hours everyday sitting in front of the PC and looking at porn.
By the time I was 17 I was also watching transwoman porn which I thought was pretty hot but it was just a porn thing, I was still attracted to women.
Fast forward two years and I lost my virginity to a girl I had a long distance relationship with and loved. But since it was long distance I had to go back to the country I lived in and after a few months we couldn’t continue the relationship.
Now into the sissy stuff
By the time I was 20 I got into sissy porn. I would watch sissy porn and Hypnos but mostly just imagining someone else doing those stuff and me having sex with the sissy.
But the more I watched it the more curious I became.
I was depressed and had very low self esteem and just needed some validation so what easier way to get that from horny men on Omegle?
I had my own place to live by then, and I had rented this small apartment of this young girl and she still had some of her stuff there (mainly clothes) and I noticed she had some thongs and bras too.
So I would wear some of her stuff and go on Omegle and pose for men and do all kinds of embarrassing shit they told me to do.
I remember feeling like shit post nut but I’d still go back.
So this behaviour continued for a while but when I moved out of there it and rented a room this shit stopped cuz I didn’t have the female underwear nor my own privacy to do whatever.
For a while I started dating some girls but there was no sex in it for me. (One didn’t want to and the other one I’d have to date for a while until there was any sex so I just broke up with her)
And I just went back to Porn. But the only porn I’d watch was femdom and sissy/trans/femboy porn. Since what masculinity and femininity are, were common topics in them.
And this idea of being a real man has always been in the back of my head!
In my head I didn’t think I was a real man since sissy porn, SPH, JOI and humiliation by women was a big turn on for me.
But I outside of porn I still saw myself as a normal guy.
So I always wanted to prove to myself that I’m a real man, so I thought what better way to show I’m a real man than fucking a fake man (sissy with limp dick) ? To show my dominance and all.
I got into Grindr a while before this but it was pretty innocent, just to see if anyone finds me attractive or not.
And the responses were super positive.
So that made me go back to it and browse the app looking for a sissy or trans girl.
The first two meet-ups weren’t that great and I was nervous and scared and couldn’t get super hard but as time went by I was more comfortable with it and got more experienced.
I only met up with trans girl or very feminine boys but sometimes I was too horny and met up with some questionable people and asked them to wear masks to I don’t see their face. Because they looked like regular men and that wasn’t a turn on for me. And I would still consider myself straight since I’ve never been into men.
Porn made me attracted to lingerie wearing feminine boys and trans girls.
I still get a massive hard on when I think about railing a cute trans girl or femboy but i think that’s just the porn brain. And hopefully I’ll go back to normal.
I would never want to be in a relationship with a trans girl or a boy so they’re PURELY sexual thoughts. Not even getting to know them or anything, just straight to fucking!
So that’s how I think I know I’m not bi or gay.
My mentality is: if you wouldn’t date someone or want to be seen with them in public, then you wanting to have sex with them is just years of porn that have messed up your brain.
MY RECOVERY STARTS HERE!!
This trend of me continued for a long time and recently I’ve just quit porn and Grindr all together.
And rhat was because I finally met a very sweet girl and when we were gonna have sex my dick wouldn’t get hard at all! It would be super soft! And I couldn’t even put a condom on, it was super limp!
and I was embarrassed and eventually told her about my porn addiction (not the Grindr stuff) and she was very understanding.
I want to get my old self back. Being attracted to women only and getting turned on by them and not some fake sissies or femboys on the internet.
I’ve gone 30 days without porn or a Grindr hookup and honestly the Grindr part is even harder because it’s so accessible and so easy!
And I don’t think I’m gonna date for a while simply because I think my brain needs more time to recover and get back to its factory settings lmao.
But yeah that’s my story and I hope I can keep it up and eventually just have a happy life with a good girl and having a family together.
Hope anyone having the same thoughts as me keeps going, think about the amazing future that lies ahead of you. We’re all gonna make it bro’s!
So after going through some of threads on here and just googling a bunch of shit I realised there aren’t many threads about being addicted to (basically) gay hookups. So I decided to make one.
Im still on the journey of recovery so everything I write on here isn’t gonna be a guide on how to recover but it’s just stuff that I do.
THERE WILL BE A LOT OF MENTIONS ABOUT SISSY/TRANS PORN!!! So take that as a trigger warning I guess
Let me start from way back.
I started watching porn from around 11 or 12 years old I think. My first exposure to porn was finding a CD in my moms room and watching it when she wasn’t home. I guess it was normal hardcore porn? A guy fucking the shit out of a girl on a table. And I remember almost puking and feeling so bad after watching it.
But sometimes I would still watch when I was home alone and eventually I started looking up porn online.
Like most people I started on pretty normal stuff. A girl and a guy having sex. But as time went on I needed more.
Im tall and fairly good looking but wasn’t having any luck with women. And my reasoning was “Why would I look for a gf when it’s easier to cum to porn”.
Obviously that was a trash reasoning and it made me not seek out girls. I think I was around 14 here and as time went on I started watching more and more porn. Spending hours everyday sitting in front of the PC and looking at porn.
By the time I was 17 I was also watching transwoman porn which I thought was pretty hot but it was just a porn thing, I was still attracted to women.
Fast forward two years and I lost my virginity to a girl I had a long distance relationship with and loved. But since it was long distance I had to go back to the country I lived in and after a few months we couldn’t continue the relationship.
Now into the sissy stuff
By the time I was 20 I got into sissy porn. I would watch sissy porn and Hypnos but mostly just imagining someone else doing those stuff and me having sex with the sissy.
But the more I watched it the more curious I became.
I was depressed and had very low self esteem and just needed some validation so what easier way to get that from horny men on Omegle?
I had my own place to live by then, and I had rented this small apartment of this young girl and she still had some of her stuff there (mainly clothes) and I noticed she had some thongs and bras too.
So I would wear some of her stuff and go on Omegle and pose for men and do all kinds of embarrassing shit they told me to do.
I remember feeling like shit post nut but I’d still go back.
So this behaviour continued for a while but when I moved out of there it and rented a room this shit stopped cuz I didn’t have the female underwear nor my own privacy to do whatever.
For a while I started dating some girls but there was no sex in it for me. (One didn’t want to and the other one I’d have to date for a while until there was any sex so I just broke up with her)
And I just went back to Porn. But the only porn I’d watch was femdom and sissy/trans/femboy porn. Since what masculinity and femininity are, were common topics in them.
And this idea of being a real man has always been in the back of my head!
In my head I didn’t think I was a real man since sissy porn, SPH, JOI and humiliation by women was a big turn on for me.
But I outside of porn I still saw myself as a normal guy.
So I always wanted to prove to myself that I’m a real man, so I thought what better way to show I’m a real man than fucking a fake man (sissy with limp dick) ? To show my dominance and all.
I got into Grindr a while before this but it was pretty innocent, just to see if anyone finds me attractive or not.
And the responses were super positive.
So that made me go back to it and browse the app looking for a sissy or trans girl.
The first two meet-ups weren’t that great and I was nervous and scared and couldn’t get super hard but as time went by I was more comfortable with it and got more experienced.
I only met up with trans girl or very feminine boys but sometimes I was too horny and met up with some questionable people and asked them to wear masks to I don’t see their face. Because they looked like regular men and that wasn’t a turn on for me. And I would still consider myself straight since I’ve never been into men.
Porn made me attracted to lingerie wearing feminine boys and trans girls.
I still get a massive hard on when I think about railing a cute trans girl or femboy but i think that’s just the porn brain. And hopefully I’ll go back to normal.
I would never want to be in a relationship with a trans girl or a boy so they’re PURELY sexual thoughts. Not even getting to know them or anything, just straight to fucking!
So that’s how I think I know I’m not bi or gay.
My mentality is: if you wouldn’t date someone or want to be seen with them in public, then you wanting to have sex with them is just years of porn that have messed up your brain.
MY RECOVERY STARTS HERE!!
This trend of me continued for a long time and recently I’ve just quit porn and Grindr all together.
And rhat was because I finally met a very sweet girl and when we were gonna have sex my dick wouldn’t get hard at all! It would be super soft! And I couldn’t even put a condom on, it was super limp!
and I was embarrassed and eventually told her about my porn addiction (not the Grindr stuff) and she was very understanding.
I want to get my old self back. Being attracted to women only and getting turned on by them and not some fake sissies or femboys on the internet.
I’ve gone 30 days without porn or a Grindr hookup and honestly the Grindr part is even harder because it’s so accessible and so easy!
And I don’t think I’m gonna date for a while simply because I think my brain needs more time to recover and get back to its factory settings lmao.
But yeah that’s my story and I hope I can keep it up and eventually just have a happy life with a good girl and having a family together.
Hope anyone having the same thoughts as me keeps going, think about the amazing future that lies ahead of you. We’re all gonna make it bro’s!