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Porn, masterbation, and more completly out of control!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by lfcmatty, Jan 13, 2021.

  1. lfcmatty

    lfcmatty Fapstronaut

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    Hi

    Ive been addicted to porn and masterbation pretty much all my life, i was doing it as a young child and still do it to this day (i am now 42).

    I realised about 20 years ago that this was a serious problem but i have sort of 'got by with it'. However, recently my addiction has gone through the roof! i watch porn more than ever, i find anywhere i can alone so that i can masterbate (work, car, the woods, you name it). out of no where in december i bought some cocaine, snorted a few lines and found myself searching for sex with men even though i am not gay. before i knew it i was around someones house. i walked in and it instantly felt wrong but i kept going and 'stuff' was happening....i was out of control, behaving like a sex maniac. luckily i couldnt get hard (or him) due to the cocaine, but we tried and tried for hours. Eventually we gave up!

    These urges to sleep with men return when i am feeling hyper horny but i am not interested in men??! i feel like my mind has literally been taken over.

    Please please help
     
    GeeJ and 420 mile high like this.
  2. TheForsakeen

    TheForsakeen Fapstronaut

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    id say do the 90 days challenge to reboot yourself then see a therapist and if you are gay/bi there is nothing wrong with that if you are not these urges will go away after a few weeks off pmo.
     
    420 mile high likes this.
  3. Peter.Parker10

    Peter.Parker10 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, reboot is your best move. Make a plan for it, stick to it, and see how it goes after the 90 days period of abstinence.
     
    420 mile high likes this.
  4. Uncle_Iroh

    Uncle_Iroh Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, had these thoughts myself, alot to do with things that happened in my past, but I struggled with understanding whether I was gay/bi for a long time and my addiction to porn didn't help, that only fueled it. When you have a thought just think, take a moment, breath and really think. Your whole life have you ever found a man attractive and not just the good looking recognition, I mean sexually just attracted to a fully clothed man? Have you only ever been interested in the full man or purely in the penis? Who do you look towards when you're walking down the street?
    Fact is you may have bisexual tendencies, sexuality can range from any number of things, so it's fine to have those thoughts, curiosities and to act on them to find out for sure, but that doesn't mean you are gay or even bi. You just need to rationalise, and porn for certain probably doesn't help these thoughts.

    Now when it comes to your addiction to porn itself, get some help, seek help. I wouldn't recommend therapy myself as usually the person sitting across has only a theoretical knowledge of what you've been going through, and although you can gain some good insights it's not exactly personal. I would recommend finding somewhere nearby or telemeetings/zoom meetings for the SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous). You have clearly got a serious problem, and with it going on for so long and only getting worse you need some help, it's evident that you can't get through this alone on will power as that hasn't worked so far. Go find yourself a group, other people with the same problems and other forms, see their faces, hear their stories and put yourself into some logical recovery program. Just don't be put off by any mention of "God", it's not about the religious "God" unless you want it to be, it purely means something higher than yourself that you can use to help you through recovery. I know it initially made me feel uncomfortable, but then I realised that the only thing that can relieve my urges is being in the great outdoors; therefore that is my "god", my higher power. So open your mind to the possibility and go see some people who know what you're going through.

    Good luck friend, if you want any more info just drop me a message!
     
  5. GeeJ

    GeeJ Fapstronaut

    I understand you but I don't do drugs.
    I have been their.

    Adrenaline junkie and dopamine chaser, low impulse control.
    I didn't get warmed up but It kinda excited me to read your post.

    I mostly lock myself away.
    When, I get crazy and if I lose control it's better for me to be at home I am not condoning PMO but compared the things you would do if you went outside.
     

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