Porn skewed my image of what is attractive

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Mrb92, Jan 10, 2022.

  1. Mrb92

    Mrb92 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys! I hoping this post will find someone who has experienced this before:

    So far, I’m going on 42 days without porn! I feel so good! However, I feel like my addiction has messed with my brain into thinking that only guys with abs and muscles and huge penises are attractive. I’ve been dating a guy now for 2 and a half months (I’ve talked to him about my recovery process) and when I saw him naked for the first time, part of me was turned off. I believe I was turned off because of what I had imagined he’d look like, and I feel like I imagined an image that is synonymous with a buff, ripped guy, with a big penis.
    What I’m asking is, has anyone had this same experience shortly after quitting porn, and has that gotten better with time- where your brain kind of resets itself? I truly admire and love the guy I’m dating and find him attractive in every other way, but when his clothes are off, I feel like it’s a let down. And I don’t want to decrease the value he has and the person he is because he isn’t the ripped guy from the internet. That’s very shallow.
     
    benbemer94 likes this.
  2. I can't speak from experience. I'm not even a PA myself. But, I've been married to one for a long time, and I've been around NoFap nearly 7 years. What I do know is that, yes, it has happened to others as well. I've read numerous stories where they've described the same thing happening to them. And, there are many articles, studies, etc. that also indicate the validity of it. I'll look for one later to link here.

    As far as it getting better after some time in recovery...I believe it does get better with time. As long as you are patient and you work hard on your recovery, I believe the problem will eventually remedy itself.
     
    ANewFocus and Mrb92 like this.
  3. Mrb92

    Mrb92 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for responding! What you said gives me hope! And yes, any article that is related to this is greatly appreciated! Thank you so much!!
     
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  4. Real Jerry Seinfeld

    Real Jerry Seinfeld Fapstronaut

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    That's definitely a common issue with porn addiction, you become aroused only by specific images, thoughts or actions. Keep going and your brain will lower its standards back to normal. How long exactly I can't say but I bet you notice at least some difference in a month's time from now.
     
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  5. Mrb92

    Mrb92 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much!! I’m definitely feeling hopeful! ☺️
     

  6. I think its re wired your brain to think of this way. I myself am finding the same difficulty with a Woman. Us men of course always want the big breasted, perfect curve, or perfect man physique you only see on Reality TV shows. I was watching a reality tv show last night that was on a regular tv show and the Woman actress specifically said she only really cares about his physique, but funnily the actor was a hyperventilating scared cat because someone was out to kill the crew.
    "Sometimes looks don't mean anything, its just a cover up."

    But here's the thing.. Love comes from different shapes and sizes. Some times its more desirable to what they actually give you and I was mistaken for this Woman I met at work, it's been the most love I've felt in a long time. Don't take it for granted, keep up the streak and your mind will think differently about him.
     
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  7. Mrb92

    Mrb92 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much! I appreciate your input so much!
     
  8. Mrb92

    Mrb92 Fapstronaut

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  9. RadiantFalcon382

    RadiantFalcon382 Fapstronaut

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    I definitely understand where you're coming from. Hentai has definitely rewired my brain to thinking that s*x is common and to expect all girls to look like the females when they are naked. I was initially disappointing that all of this stuff wasn't realistic, but now that I'm 11 days p/h*ntai free, I'm beginning to get a more healthy and real perspective on girls. You seem like you are on the right track, and I can tell that you have good intentions and a good mindset! Things will eventually subside from what I've experienced, so just keep holding on and getting help from those more qualified than me! You got this!
     
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  10. Mrb92

    Mrb92 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much!! Your reply makes me feel like there it hope!!
     
  11. I've been into it myself and its definitely worse since the colors of the body and skin are more vibrant from the Animation. Which make us more attractive of it. It's weird though, since how does it not damage the creators minds of creating the work? I've always wondered what people think of Japanese Hentai artists.

    I visited a Hentai panel at a convention back in 2015, it was really interesting. It was actually a Woman artist straight from Japan from Kanagawa I believe. She gave her view that she found it beautiful and a good orientation of S**. She enjoyed the detail and put it into her work. So I not sure on believing why it re wires some of us and then it doesn't for others, if we change out views? Is it the way we look at it?
     
  12. L@veHerB3tter

    [email protected] Fapstronaut

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    I honestly cant say if shit gets better or not. 6 months in I still have a really hard time being excited about "the normal". The thing about it with me, I wasn't really crazy about studio porn where all the women were "perfect 10's" so I dont really feel like porn skewered anything. I get frustrated when talking or reading about relationships and everything always goes into "looks and attraction will fade, you have to have deeper connections" yadda yadda. As much as some people want to make that the golden truth, the shit still matters imo. People still need to put effort into turning their partner on and being sexy. Real effort. This is just my opinion and im sure my mind is still all messed up but its insane to me that some people feel like another person is supposed to want and crave only them for the rest of your lives without prioritizing keeping the interest and intrigue at a high level.

    Im rambling about my own shit but to answer, I dont feel like you're wrong for liking what you like visually. I feel like we all have to compromise somewhere with who we're gonna date or be with, so its just up to you to carefully decide what dept its ok to be lacking in for you.

    I married for smarts, sweetness, loyalty, homebody, and a person that truly loves me for me.

    Yet and still, today I completely understand the old successful guy that grabs up the young hot ass chick that everyone knows doesn't really love him. He's probably had plenty of "love" with not enough hot ass in his time and really couldn't care less.

    And that, im learning.....is life my friends
     
  13. Mrb92

    Mrb92 Fapstronaut

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    Hey! Thank you for your input!

    I know this is a long time after your reply but I agree with what you said. Attraction and looks are still important. I just feel like porn has made people believe that that is the only importance to a relationship, or the most important thing when it comes to your partner. But there are so many other ways to be intimate with your partner that I feel porn doesn’t show.

    And I do agree with you that you have to be willing to compromise something when it comes to your partner, because they won’t be perfect. I agree with that one hundred percent. You just have to decide what the compromise is, and I feel like that can change based on the person you’re with.
     
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  14. Strugglestreet

    Strugglestreet Fapstronaut

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    THIS!!
     
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  15. Strugglestreet

    Strugglestreet Fapstronaut

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    Also can depend on how fit and attractive you are yourself. Since I’ve been weight training at the gym and getting in really good shape, I find it a real turn off if guys don’t look after themselves. Might sound superficial, but it is what it is. Funnily enough, I don’t feel the same way about women. As long as a woman is confident and acts sexy, im into her. Obviously there’s some physical turn offs, but all in all I can be into a woman even if she’s not fit at all, but guys - gotta look after yourself! Just the way I am.
     
  16. For me, the first time i saw my girlfriend naked was maybe 1 year into the relationship and over 6 months of recovery from porn. So by that time, i have really fallen in love and found her body mesmerizing. Since you're a little in early stages, it's okay if you feel that way. Once your connection starts growing and you enjoy each other's company, sexually or not, you'll start feeling even more physicaly attracted to them.
     
  17. It can take a very long time for the superficial side effects of porn to wear off and your attraction to other people to start normalizing. Porn is not reality. And it's very distorted. Having said that, you also can't discredit the type of people you are attracted to. We are all attracted to certain characteristics, whether that's physical appearance, personality, humor, etc..

    But when your attraction starts normalizing, I think you'll start realizing what porn has been doing to your brain this whole time. I can just tell you from experience when I had gone months without pornography that I started seeing all women as beautiful and in a much different way. A much more respectful way. And seeing them as they were meant to be seen. You're still always going to have things that you find attractive, but the superficial perspective that porn hammers into your brain will start to fade away.
     
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