Porn skewed my image of what is attractive

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Mrb92, Jan 10, 2022.

  1. Mrb92

    Mrb92 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys! I hoping this post will find someone who has experienced this before:

    So far, I’m going on 42 days without porn! I feel so good! However, I feel like my addiction has messed with my brain into thinking that only guys with abs and muscles and huge penises are attractive. I’ve been dating a guy now for 2 and a half months (I’ve talked to him about my recovery process) and when I saw him naked for the first time, part of me was turned off. I believe I was turned off because of what I had imagined he’d look like, and I feel like I imagined an image that is synonymous with a buff, ripped guy, with a big penis.
    What I’m asking is, has anyone had this same experience shortly after quitting porn, and has that gotten better with time- where your brain kind of resets itself? I truly admire and love the guy I’m dating and find him attractive in every other way, but when his clothes are off, I feel like it’s a let down. And I don’t want to decrease the value he has and the person he is because he isn’t the ripped guy from the internet. That’s very shallow.
     
  2. I can't speak from experience. I'm not even a PA myself. But, I've been married to one for a long time, and I've been around NoFap nearly 7 years. What I do know is that, yes, it has happened to others as well. I've read numerous stories where they've described the same thing happening to them. And, there are many articles, studies, etc. that also indicate the validity of it. I'll look for one later to link here.

    As far as it getting better after some time in recovery...I believe it does get better with time. As long as you are patient and you work hard on your recovery, I believe the problem will eventually remedy itself.
     
    ANewFocus and Mrb92 like this.
  3. Mrb92

    Mrb92 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for responding! What you said gives me hope! And yes, any article that is related to this is greatly appreciated! Thank you so much!!
     
    hope4healing likes this.
  4. Real Jerry Seinfeld

    Real Jerry Seinfeld Fapstronaut

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    That's definitely a common issue with porn addiction, you become aroused only by specific images, thoughts or actions. Keep going and your brain will lower its standards back to normal. How long exactly I can't say but I bet you notice at least some difference in a month's time from now.
     
    Mrb92 likes this.
  5. Mrb92

    Mrb92 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much!! I’m definitely feeling hopeful! ☺️
     
  6. Re-Life2010

    Re-Life2010 Fapstronaut

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    I think its re wired your brain to think of this way. I myself am finding the same difficulty with a Woman. Us men of course always want the big breasted, perfect curve, or perfect man physique you only see on Reality TV shows. I was watching a reality tv show last night that was on a regular tv show and the Woman actress specifically said she only really cares about his physique, but funnily the actor was a hyperventilating scared cat because someone was out to kill the crew.
    "Sometimes looks don't mean anything, its just a cover up."

    But here's the thing.. Love comes from different shapes and sizes. Some times its more desirable to what they actually give you and I was mistaken for this Woman I met at work, it's been the most love I've felt in a long time. Don't take it for granted, keep up the streak and your mind will think differently about him.
     
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  7. Mrb92

    Mrb92 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much! I appreciate your input so much!
     
  8. Mrb92

    Mrb92 Fapstronaut

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  9. RadiantFalcon382

    RadiantFalcon382 Fapstronaut

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    I definitely understand where you're coming from. Hentai has definitely rewired my brain to thinking that s*x is common and to expect all girls to look like the females when they are naked. I was initially disappointing that all of this stuff wasn't realistic, but now that I'm 11 days p/h*ntai free, I'm beginning to get a more healthy and real perspective on girls. You seem like you are on the right track, and I can tell that you have good intentions and a good mindset! Things will eventually subside from what I've experienced, so just keep holding on and getting help from those more qualified than me! You got this!
     
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  10. Mrb92

    Mrb92 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much!! Your reply makes me feel like there it hope!!
     
  11. Re-Life2010

    Re-Life2010 Fapstronaut

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    I've been into it myself and its definitely worse since the colors of the body and skin are more vibrant from the Animation. Which make us more attractive of it. It's weird though, since how does it not damage the creators minds of creating the work? I've always wondered what people think of Japanese Hentai artists.

    I visited a Hentai panel at a convention back in 2015, it was really interesting. It was actually a Woman artist straight from Japan from Kanagawa I believe. She gave her view that she found it beautiful and a good orientation of S**. She enjoyed the detail and put it into her work. So I not sure on believing why it re wires some of us and then it doesn't for others, if we change out views? Is it the way we look at it?
     
  12. L@veHerB3tter

    [email protected] Fapstronaut

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    I honestly cant say if shit gets better or not. 6 months in I still have a really hard time being excited about "the normal". The thing about it with me, I wasn't really crazy about studio porn where all the women were "perfect 10's" so I dont really feel like porn skewered anything. I get frustrated when talking or reading about relationships and everything always goes into "looks and attraction will fade, you have to have deeper connections" yadda yadda. As much as some people want to make that the golden truth, the shit still matters imo. People still need to put effort into turning their partner on and being sexy. Real effort. This is just my opinion and im sure my mind is still all messed up but its insane to me that some people feel like another person is supposed to want and crave only them for the rest of your lives without prioritizing keeping the interest and intrigue at a high level.

    Im rambling about my own shit but to answer, I dont feel like you're wrong for liking what you like visually. I feel like we all have to compromise somewhere with who we're gonna date or be with, so its just up to you to carefully decide what dept its ok to be lacking in for you.

    I married for smarts, sweetness, loyalty, homebody, and a person that truly loves me for me.

    Yet and still, today I completely understand the old successful guy that grabs up the young hot ass chick that everyone knows doesn't really love him. He's probably had plenty of "love" with not enough hot ass in his time and really couldn't care less.

    And that, im learning.....is life my friends
     

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