Porn users are dishonest people

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by MyMind07, Jun 22, 2020.

  1. MyMind07

    MyMind07 Fapstronaut

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    I talk mostly about men here. Because most of the time porn users/addicts are men. I am also talking about my experience. I was for the most of my life just an dishonest man. I lied a lot. I wanted to hide my porn use for everybody. Luckily, I didn’t had a relationship when I used porn, so I didn’t hurt a partner by it. I have met a lot of porn/sex addicts in rehab, in 12-step program etc. that had a partner and came to conclusion that most porn users are just dishonest people.

    Most (active) porn users are very dishonest. They lead an double life and want to hide everything from other people, especially people close to them (family, friends, partner). A double life comes because porn users have taught themselves to “compartimentalize” their porn use - separate it off from their real life and access it at times when they are alone. The main problem is, because maintaining a secret “compartment” for porn means you have to be secretive and dishonest with others.

    When the partner found out about their porn use (it is only a matter of time that someone finds it or knows it) and confronts him about it, he lies to her. He comes with excuses and promises like: This will be “the last time” that he watched porn and promises her to stop with it. Most of them will go further and want to hide their porn use “better”, so his partner won’t find out.

    I don’t want to be one of those people that are living a lie. I want to be and open and honest person. I want to have a real intimacy. Since i went in recovery, I shared really everything and hold nothing back. Also with some Accountability Partners I shared which pornvideo’s or categories I had seen which I was ashamed of. This helped to break free from shame and to be purely honest.

    The benefit of sharing everything, is that my shame and guilt is gone. I don’t have to delete my browsing history or feel anxious if somebody has my smartphone. Because the shame is gone, I can look people into their eyes. When I talk with someone or a women, I look them deep into their eyes and feel an connection with them. I have noticed that some women stand closer to me when I have good eye contact with them. I can maintain eye contact with others, because I have nothing to hide. Eye contact is important because it shows your soul to another and creates intimacy.

    I consider myself now as a honest man.

    TO MEN: just be honest with yourself and your partner (if you have one). The thruth will set you free. If you struggle with porn, tell your girlfriend/wife about it. The sooner the better. She will find out anyway.. Women have a better sense than men and know if something is not right. When the trust is gone, it will be very hard to regain that back. It is almost impossible. It's no use to be in that relationship anymore, because there will be only drama. Women need to trust men to feel safe, so become that men that she can trust!

    NOTE: If somebody says that porn users are not dishonest: Can you show your browsing history to your partner and/or people close to you (friends etc.) or let them know which pornvideos or categories you have seen?
     
  2. CodeTalker

    CodeTalker Fapstronaut

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    I agree with all you said. But just on that. You can be a terrible person and Have locked human being in your basement while still being able to maintain eye contact.
     
    IbrahimViking likes this.
  3. MyMind07

    MyMind07 Fapstronaut

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    You are very creative.. I don't know how you come up with something like that. You focus too much on negative things. I focus on positivity. I am an optimist and see things from a different perspective.

    I wish you good luck on your recovery. Have a great porn-free day.
     
    Nak likes this.
  4. It's deeper than boeing "honest" or "dishonest", being "good" or being "bad".

    Bur good point on openinf up. The dishonesty finds its roots in the sexual shame associated with PMO.

    And one doesn't simply overcome shame by willpower only. Shame is one of the most powerful and painful emotions there is, and emotions are much much stronger than rational thinking. Professional help is advised.

    PS: The state of your Self that expresses itself through PMO binges and which you (unconsciously) actively try to hide and repress by lying (to yourself and others) isn't going to go away. It is a part of your whole self -of who you are - and you should try to listen to what it needs and learn to own it and re-integrate it to your Self. Your PMO addiction and your losing control to that part of your Self is only a physical expression that some of your (sexual) needs are not met.

    If you don't accept that represses part of your Self, it will continue to occasionally "take over" and perpetuate the cycle of porn use as its energy outlet.

    Read the mind model of Carl Jung and his theory on the shadow self. You will only be able to live as your whole (and honest) self by reintegrating that repressed sexual self that we're all trying to ignore.

    You as a whole person aren't integrally dishonest. However, the internal conflict between semi-autonomous psychological systems make you behave dishonestly. Don't let that define you, and don't beat yourself up.

    I hope these few words will help you move on in your quest for self-realization.
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2020
  5. angelpart

    angelpart Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure what you are discribing is honesty or lack thereof, rather I think it's integrity. I agree it's painful to live the double life, but sharing sex-related issues with other people is not easy. In many cases I think transparency and speaking about it helps to break the power of the addiction, but it's very hard to do.
     
    Optimum Fortitude likes this.
  6. i both agree and disagree with you, men on pmo are liars when it comes to porn because its an addiction, all people lie about their addictions, they dont lie about other things, as for women on pmo they are not angels either, women lie too, many woman dont have hard addictions but have addiction when it comes to shopping, social media, some girls are relationship addict, they sense the relationship is doomed so they prepare another relationship in advance, attention addiction !! You might think wow wait there, bad compulsions are not addictions well science says the neurochemicals work the same way addiction does, a compulsion to gambling is the same thing as an addiction to gambling. Now i agree with you theres a sense of pride and letting go of ego when theres no barriers between people, but think not that all people are perfect, pmo is not the worse addiction there is on earth its bad but dont make assumption of things like pmo addicts have lying disorders, i sense that you are a decent human being you wanted to make a point but just didn’t express it the right way, all folks have a double life, but as you get out there more with the normal folks you will find them more shallow deceiving, hypocritical than some pmo addicts believe me. this true in psychology and in philosophy, people will always wear mask to hide their insecurities, in order to wear no mask one has to let go of ego and accept himself as he is, with his stenghs and flaws, and not think he better than others, not all people think like you, this isn’t just about pmo addicts you see you are closing on a bigger subject linking to human behavior in social circles vs by themself.
     
  7. MyMind07

    MyMind07 Fapstronaut

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    Nothing in life is easy. Nothing is very hard to do. These are just excuses. It is how bad do you want it. I went to 12-steps, had an AP and shared everything.
    If there is a will, there is way..
     
  8. Nak

    Nak Fapstronaut

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    Verumy ease to identify porn user, porn user cant maintain eye contant...
     
  9. Nak

    Nak Fapstronaut

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  10. IbrahimViking

    IbrahimViking Fapstronaut

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    I loved your message, it's very inspiring. It is deep insight that speaks to the heart of the matter.
    I also agree with CodeTalker, and know porn addicts who can keep eye contact all too well.
     

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