RestartGame_
Fapstronaut
I created this account to share some of my ideas and story with you guys.
Well, my name is Can, I'm 21 years old and I'm currently employed.
So, I have a bad Pornography Addiction and also masturbation for many years. It started at my younger ages. A curiosity that got triggered by something I don't remember. My behavioural pattern of watching porn and masturbate, would become a escape for me and a coping tool for stress and sadness and things like that.
I didn't know that it would be hurting me in any way back then. It seemed like normal to me. It was secret, nobody would know. My mother found out once, but she could never help me... As could nobody.
When I noticed the severe consequences it caused in all areas of my life, I started getting serious and tried facing my issues.
I feel the pain more than ever, like a depression, lack of love, a void that needs to be filled.
I just didn't have the ability to care for someone or love. People sometimes seemed like objects that just hear, reply, give and take. Like, without anything else. My way of conversation would be like that too.
I noticed that I had to stop doing it. I just knew it had to do with my addiction.
My body changed, like, my knees hurt and I can't walk normally. I have a bad hair loss. Sometimes my head skin hurts really bad, mostly after indulging in Porn.
People notice a really strange look in my eyes. I always worry that people see me through.
My genitals suffer a lot too and thank god, I don't have any erectal dysfunction or something, or at least it seems I don't.
Also I am very fadigued sometimes and also after masturbation, I oversleep a lot.
I used to go to the gym lately, but recently I started going less. I even would go there completely jacked off and meet people and everything and train, like with 0% energy. I would use like half of the weight of which I usually do. yea...it was just a complete mess. Even the trainers there started to annoy me with their jokes... but anyways...
That would be not only in the gym, but everywhere, like, work, school, outside somewhere I don't know. I messed up mostly all my relationships, people try to keep their distance. Mostly I have issues talking with girls. Well, I don't know.
Almost no contact with my family and friends.
I tried some online programs for porn addiction and tried some tools to change my habits and stuff, but it's extremely hard....as life drags me like a rock and I feel unmotivated, alone and forgotten by now. Without many people to talk to, it's seems just too hard sometimes.
I think I try to overcome this for like 4 or 5 years. or maybe 3 years.
I don't know...I just try to give my best in everything, but....
I start to loose hope and start thinking about suicide and ways to do so.
I cry alot lately...(I try not to participate in my own pitiparty, but sometimes it seems that I pity myself and seek attention from people in my life)
I changed my workplace too, because people were very negative. Now I found something better, (My 4th week working there), I still feel alone, not that much anymore, but still. Also still some negative people around.
I will try my best and do everything it takes to get better.
Please excuse my long text. I appreciate the opportunity to share this in this community so much! (I don't know how this works yet but) Send me a message or something, let me know your stories guys and how you are doing. I hope every thing is well or better
Much love from Portugal!
Well, my name is Can, I'm 21 years old and I'm currently employed.
So, I have a bad Pornography Addiction and also masturbation for many years. It started at my younger ages. A curiosity that got triggered by something I don't remember. My behavioural pattern of watching porn and masturbate, would become a escape for me and a coping tool for stress and sadness and things like that.
I didn't know that it would be hurting me in any way back then. It seemed like normal to me. It was secret, nobody would know. My mother found out once, but she could never help me... As could nobody.
When I noticed the severe consequences it caused in all areas of my life, I started getting serious and tried facing my issues.
I feel the pain more than ever, like a depression, lack of love, a void that needs to be filled.
I just didn't have the ability to care for someone or love. People sometimes seemed like objects that just hear, reply, give and take. Like, without anything else. My way of conversation would be like that too.
I noticed that I had to stop doing it. I just knew it had to do with my addiction.
My body changed, like, my knees hurt and I can't walk normally. I have a bad hair loss. Sometimes my head skin hurts really bad, mostly after indulging in Porn.
People notice a really strange look in my eyes. I always worry that people see me through.
My genitals suffer a lot too and thank god, I don't have any erectal dysfunction or something, or at least it seems I don't.
Also I am very fadigued sometimes and also after masturbation, I oversleep a lot.
I used to go to the gym lately, but recently I started going less. I even would go there completely jacked off and meet people and everything and train, like with 0% energy. I would use like half of the weight of which I usually do. yea...it was just a complete mess. Even the trainers there started to annoy me with their jokes... but anyways...
That would be not only in the gym, but everywhere, like, work, school, outside somewhere I don't know. I messed up mostly all my relationships, people try to keep their distance. Mostly I have issues talking with girls. Well, I don't know.
Almost no contact with my family and friends.
I tried some online programs for porn addiction and tried some tools to change my habits and stuff, but it's extremely hard....as life drags me like a rock and I feel unmotivated, alone and forgotten by now. Without many people to talk to, it's seems just too hard sometimes.
I think I try to overcome this for like 4 or 5 years. or maybe 3 years.
I don't know...I just try to give my best in everything, but....
I start to loose hope and start thinking about suicide and ways to do so.
I cry alot lately...(I try not to participate in my own pitiparty, but sometimes it seems that I pity myself and seek attention from people in my life)
I changed my workplace too, because people were very negative. Now I found something better, (My 4th week working there), I still feel alone, not that much anymore, but still. Also still some negative people around.
I will try my best and do everything it takes to get better.
Please excuse my long text. I appreciate the opportunity to share this in this community so much! (I don't know how this works yet but) Send me a message or something, let me know your stories guys and how you are doing. I hope every thing is well or better
Much love from Portugal!
