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PORNOGRAPHY: And why I will try to limit or quit

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Tyler478, Jan 2, 2018.

  1. Tyler478

    Tyler478 Fapstronaut

    It all started in 6th grade. 2010. 11 years old. I first masturbated until I came. It felt good but the build up to orgasm was scary and unexpected. I never experienced anything like that before. I would go on to do it more and more, eventually getting over my fear of the intense build up towards ejaculation. Nothing ever came out my privates except piss so I needed time to adjust. I quickly started to masturbate to porn. I think a middle schooler should have not been watching as much pornography as I was watching. All boys around that age experiment with porn/masturbation, but the porn I was watching was just so good that I could not stop watching at all. I craved it and started doing it more often in my spare alone time. In middle school, I didn’t have much of social life, and watching so much porn when I got home obviously DID NOT help. I had lots of friends in high school, but I still was watching a lot of porn. My junior year, I would ask my teachers to go to the restroom. I’d quickly find an empty restroom and I’d masturbate to porn on my phone until I reached ejaculation. I enjoyed timing myself and making sure I came in under 3-5 minutes so no one would suspect anything. I’d walk back to class like nothing ever happened. If I didn’t masturbate to porn before school, it became imperative that I’d do it in school or I would simply not be able to focus on any school work. Soon I had strong urges to watch porn at work. Again, I’d go to an empty bathroom and masturbate to porn until I had a messy orgasm. I justified it by saying it was just puberty and hormones causing me to do those things, but now that I’m 18 I believe that those were signs of a compulsive or psychological porn addiction. At home I would masturbate to porn for an hour, sometimes even 2 hours. I could’ve used that time to do homework, clean my room, socialize, or do something else productive. Masturbating without porn only takes me 10-30 minutes which is a significant difference! On top of that, in 10th grade, I dived into masturbating to hardcore pornography with strangers I met on the internet. That has lead me into a completely different type of addiction that goes hand in hand with porn. Being able to discuss women’s bodies together and all the nasty things we’d like to do with them while masturbating and watching porn gives me this thrill and sick rush. I always told myself I’d stop but to this day I just can’t. Finding a “jackbuddy” is usually the first thing I feel compelled to do when I start watching porn. It’s a gross habit that I wish I could keep under control. Instead of wasting time doing that, I could’ve gone out and tried to get to know some girls around my age. The bottomline: I NEED some f*cking help!!! Any advice, tips, strategies, or just words of encouragement, would help significantly.

    Thanks for reading my story.
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2018
    tiredofbeingtired likes this.
  2. tiredofbeingtired

    tiredofbeingtired Fapstronaut

    Firstly, welcome :)

    It's great that you've recognized that porn is a destructive part of your life and that you have joined this community. There is a wealth of information on this site. Take some time to familiarize yourself with it all and introduce yourself to some users on here. You can't recover in isolation, which is why the support you'll find in this community is invaluable. Whether you can see it now or not you do have the power and the courage to let go of this addiction and let yourself grow into a happier and healthier person. I look forward to seeing you succeed.
    Deleted Account likes this.

  3. Hey @Tyler478 ,

    There is so much support on this forum, the profiles and the various groups. It works if you work it. I don't offer advise. I offer only my ESH (experience, strength and hope).

    Work it? Oh yeah. There's work to be done, that's what's worked for me. Two things I've found necessary.

    1. I had to Learn the NoFap Program.

    2. Getting involved with the community on here was vital to help my recovery.

    Learn the NoFap Program
    The resources listed on the "New Users: List of Rebooting Resources" helped me find my way around the reasons behind the program and the terms used.

    They are:

    You can find this same list on the top of the forum you posted this message on at - the "New to NoFap" forum.

    Get Involved with the Community
    The community has been my lifeline. I've found journals I love, people who are very supportive and a place where I could get to work helping in a small way others.

    I'm nobody important around here. Just a normal user with no magic powers.

    But, I can:

    • Read Journals, and comment when I have ESH
    • Find people I admire and stay in touch via their profiles
    • Pick a forum and make sure evvery post gets and answer. I can't answer them all, but that's good - different opinions make for a better group.
    • Post in my journal (I could be better at it - but I do milestone posts at least) To make a journal go to the section listed by age and start one. Keep all your journal posts in one thread. But, for random thoughts, you can create a new thread.
    Looking forward to seeing you around on the forums,

    - L

    PS - Think of pmo like a wolf. Stay near the center of the group with the winners and the wolf has a more difficult time finding you. But, stray near the edges of the community and the wolf can pick you off.
  4. One of the ways I got involved with the fellowship was by reading some really great journals.

    I've included journals from all age groups, spiritual members, religious members, secular members, male and female. You should find journals that help. If not, look around, there are hundreds of others from which to choose. When I say "it works if you work it", reading journals is part of that work.

    Once you open a journal, click "Watch Thread" in the upper right of the page to get alerts when new posts are made. Here are just a few:

    @2525 Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/147264/
    @Visor Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/144228/
    @Dragonnlife Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/136148
    @I_can_and_I_will Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/138959/
    @weddingnails Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143418/
    @MLMVSS Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/142945/
    @Struggle Bug Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/141911/
    @BigDawg913 Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/145872/
    @Sunshadow Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/75108/
    @kropo82 Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/78164/
    @tet2vd Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/144513
    @Protagoras Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/109842/
    @Tomoya Okazaki Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143534/
    @DavidGibson Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143325/
    @Euklid Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/146663/
    @BreatheDeeply Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/139097/
    @LiquidShoes Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/134044/
    @Reverent Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143845/
    @Former_CD Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/87827/
    @PatrickR Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/139570/

    There are many more, and you can discover them on your own. But, these are great places to start.

    This is a work in progress. So, if a journal has changed or is no longer active, look around there are some amazing journals on here.

    - L
    Deleted Account likes this.

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