It all started in 6th grade. 2010. 11 years old. I first masturbated until I came. It felt good but the build up to orgasm was scary and unexpected. I never experienced anything like that before. I would go on to do it more and more, eventually getting over my fear of the intense build up towards ejaculation. Nothing ever came out my privates except piss so I needed time to adjust. I quickly started to masturbate to porn. I think a middle schooler should have not been watching as much pornography as I was watching. All boys around that age experiment with porn/masturbation, but the porn I was watching was just so good that I could not stop watching at all. I craved it and started doing it more often in my spare alone time. In middle school, I didn’t have much of social life, and watching so much porn when I got home obviously DID NOT help. I had lots of friends in high school, but I still was watching a lot of porn. My junior year, I would ask my teachers to go to the restroom. I’d quickly find an empty restroom and I’d masturbate to porn on my phone until I reached ejaculation. I enjoyed timing myself and making sure I came in under 3-5 minutes so no one would suspect anything. I’d walk back to class like nothing ever happened. If I didn’t masturbate to porn before school, it became imperative that I’d do it in school or I would simply not be able to focus on any school work. Soon I had strong urges to watch porn at work. Again, I’d go to an empty bathroom and masturbate to porn until I had a messy orgasm. I justified it by saying it was just puberty and hormones causing me to do those things, but now that I’m 18 I believe that those were signs of a compulsive or psychological porn addiction. At home I would masturbate to porn for an hour, sometimes even 2 hours. I could’ve used that time to do homework, clean my room, socialize, or do something else productive. Masturbating without porn only takes me 10-30 minutes which is a significant difference! On top of that, in 10th grade, I dived into masturbating to hardcore pornography with strangers I met on the internet. That has lead me into a completely different type of addiction that goes hand in hand with porn. Being able to discuss women’s bodies together and all the nasty things we’d like to do with them while masturbating and watching porn gives me this thrill and sick rush. I always told myself I’d stop but to this day I just can’t. Finding a “jackbuddy” is usually the first thing I feel compelled to do when I start watching porn. It’s a gross habit that I wish I could keep under control. Instead of wasting time doing that, I could’ve gone out and tried to get to know some girls around my age. The bottomline: I NEED some f*cking help!!! Any advice, tips, strategies, or just words of encouragement, would help significantly.
Thanks for reading my story.
Thanks for reading my story.
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