Positivity without P

Hi,

Its been a while since I started a post, I get into the habit of commenting/ helping others, whether it is seen this way is not always clear.

I have treated this website as part of my 12 step program classing commenting as giving back.

I have always been a person who puts stuff off until absolutely necessary and bills/ credit cards/ services of vehicles/ social commitments. in the last 3 months ish I have found a new drive to get things sorted, keeping up social commitments even arranging some, I feel more connected with my SO, we talk a lot more along with getting close (careful not to say too much to trigger anything). I am starting to take pride in my home, I have done 35 foot of fencing from scratch with a little help from my dad, I am putting decking down. I can contribute this to the opposite of the negative drives I took from an adulthood of P&M.

I also find that when not at work am waking up earlier, getting up and getting more done, I think the recent good weather helps this but its looking really positive at the moment.

Relationship with my SO has been very rocky at times through my recovery and there have been several times where she has been moving out but my behaviour around these events has encouraged her to stay. By this I do not mean begging or making promises, more the self help, tackling problems like an adult, not minimising, listening to her properly and having deep conversations.

Our journey as PA's or recovering PA's is not a simple or easy one and I have strayed off the road with my thoughts more than once but I can see when this is happening (before its too late) and amend my behaviour and give myself a good talking to.

I think life on the whole looks positive and happy, obviously there are going to be bends and road bumps on the way, after all its life but I am a lot more positive these days. I hope we can all get to this.

 

Quick update since my last post

Beware possible triggers...

Since my last post I got close with my SO but never got fully erect, only about 1 minute on each other and this has caused her yo doubt my recovery and look into hers making distance between us. I am trying to continue on a positive route bit hard when we're together as there is p&m hanging in the air even though I'm innocent and feel that if we had continued with foreplay we would have been successful,feel I have failed again and put another nail in the relationship coffin. Writing this post I can identify that at this present moment I am not positive but weary and sceptical, unsure times ahead.