Post-Breakup Blues

So, it has been about a month since I broke up with my first long-term relationship and things have been sitting very off with me lately. Maybe it's the new brand of medication I've been put on not settling in yet or its the lack of communication with new people I am trying to connect with via social media, but it is all coming together terribly.

The issue is that most of my friends in my college group do not know that this break-up has happened, but I am assuming that they are picking up hints because I didn't show up to my ex's birthday party and have cancelled plans with her multiple times in the past few weeks. I don't know who else to reach out to other than my friends from D&D who I see only about once or twice a week and my therapist who I see infrequently (and family, but that group's kind of obvious).

I'm really hung up on trying to talk to this one person that I have become massively obsessed with them and I feel like I am putting them off, so I'm restricting myself from reaching out to them for a good while. It's a shame, really. I thought we were connecting really well.

I need to be an adult and handle myself better. I've been waiting off the opportunity to really better myself in the midst of all this drama and the nervous energy I get when talking to new people. I have somewhat of a game plan, but I don't know how I'm going to go about my days not fretting about these things: the aftermath of this breakup, what it means for my future relationships and how all this affects the people I really care about.

 

Update:

I confided in a (supposed) friend in my college group chat (a collection of mutual friends between ex and I) about the breakup yesterday and in mere hours, they were hitting up my ex. This completely devastated my esteem and furthered my trust issues with people. My ex has been getting sexual offers from these mutual friends because she has told them about the breakup without letting me know who knew about it, which was what we agreed on if we wanted to be on good terms. What affected me the most was the fact that SHE has been getting help with closure from this situation while I have been alone to go lay dead in a ditch. Nobody reaches out to me to hang out or talk or even hook-up like what she's been getting. I'm the undesired one. I'm not wanted by these friends or by anyone for that matter.

Now, I've completely given up. Even though she texted me a dozen times the same evening, telling me that she regrets wanting to take up the offer with my confidant, the damage is done. I blocked them on multiple social media accounts and I'm going to be wrangling all my gifts from her and stowing them away to gather dust in my family's attic. Fuck all of this.