Praying about the Next New Relationship

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Pastor Preston, Sep 12, 2018.

  1. Pastor Preston

    Pastor Preston Fapstronaut

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    I am interested in dating a girl that I have become friends with over the past year. She is talented and beautiful, a slender brunette. I like how her voice becomes so happy when talking to me, and her eyes become of joy. She is shy, and very cautious; especially about dating.

    There is another girl that likes me, but I do not have interest in her. She has a degree of talent, but is average in appearance. A good friend for a good time, but she has misinterpreted my outgoing demeanor. Still, I think it is healthy to have a friend one is not "interested" in.

    I'm praying about it, believe me. Many of my posts identify me as a Christian, a ministry student no less. I feel that the Lord has placed the first girl on my heart. Of course, my heart is wicked like all hearts, but I have truly developed an affection for the beautiful girl. We have been friends for over a year. I was offset by her shyness at first, but have grown to adore that about her. It may take some work to pursue her. She does not exactly hang out much, and past dating has left her feeling awkward. I look at her, and see so much beauty despite what others may call a mess.

    I talked to my pastor about some of it. He brought up how he never had difficulty getting to know anyone. The truth is, I'm usually good at getting to know people, too. The issue is, I don't want to go with the girl that I know likes me. I want the one that requires more work and inspires me more. Frankly, I don't want some random attractive girl, either. I really like the one that I have gotten to know this past year. Again, I'm praying about it. Advice or thoughts, anyone?
     
  2. Roland The Guslinger

    Roland The Guslinger Fapstronaut

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    Well, i have less experience than you have on this topic. Sorry about that. However, if I were you i would just talk about my feelings to her. Since she is interested in you it is just obvious for me that she may have a positive than a negativ reaction on this. Another advice: don't be anxious to dare a new step in your life
     
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  3. Who I want to be

    Who I want to be Fapstronaut

    Just a reminder to be kind to people.

    If you genuinely think that the girl is interested in you then please put effort into not giving her mixed signals. Imagine how you would feel when the other girl you are interested in gave you mixed signals and then waded off with another guy.

    I would also advise to think about what you said:"The issue is, I don't want to go with the girl that I know likes me. I want the one that requires more work and inspires me more."
    Think really hard if what you like is the girl or the apparent inaccessibility. If it's the latter you might break a girls heart when you work on her, she develops interest and once she's drawn towards you - you no longer feel the magnetism becasue she's not a "difficult catch" anymore.

    Other than that I wish genuinely wish you luck! Stay honest and don't wait too long before making a move.
     
  4. Pastor Preston

    Pastor Preston Fapstronaut

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    You're very correct on those points. I'm ready to take the risk.
     
  5. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    It could very well be that neither of these women are particularly good matches with you. Don't get your hopes up or get too attached to your image of them - a fantasy. A good way to kill attraction to someone is actually talking to them and getting to know them and shattering your illusions about them. Asking for a date isn't a marriage proposal.
     
  6. Pastor Preston

    Pastor Preston Fapstronaut

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    I think I may have a bigger problem with giving mixed signals than with porn. Hmm. At least I already knew about the latter. Noted.

    Yes, dude, I cannot seem to maintain interest when someone is not a difficult catch anymore. I want to be inspired and challenged. If I see another guy hanging with her, I mean enough is enough; she is no longer an option and I need to move on.

    This girl in question though, she is different. I don't know exactly how, but she keeps inspiring me. I really want to take the risk. It's an itch I need to scratch :)

    Maybe it's her level of shyness that gets me. She is also talented. What a beautiful mess, she is. I love it when she talks, though that is a rare experience!
     
  7. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    Say it with me: INFATUATION.
     
  8. Pastor Preston

    Pastor Preston Fapstronaut

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    Thank God. I thought I had a problem.

    Just a big crush on the cute girl singing in Sunday worship :)
     
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  9. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    Say that again. Just a big crush :) Don't worry about it. You can act on it if you want, but don't get your hopes up.

    I completely empathize. I have the problem of being attracted to people who aren't attracted to me, and not being attracted to people who are attracted to me. In the rare cases there is mutual attraction, life circumstances keep us apart.

    Perhaps you should give her a chance. Getting to know someone better can increase attraction. Sometimes I wish I had given some of the women who were interested in me a chance. As long as you aren't repulsed by her, physically or personality-wise, I think it's a good option. It's a much better bet than someone who has hangups about dating.
     
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  10. Pastor Preston

    Pastor Preston Fapstronaut

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    I think giving her a chance is only fair, bro. I would want one.

    Someone with hang-ups about dating...? Have you seen this before? That's a way of looking at it for sure, and I think that is an answer to a prayer. It seems that what the Lord is directing me to do is to meet and get to know more people and give some of the ones I already know a chance. I really appreciate your advice, @Jason_Tesla_19
     
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  11. My ex had hang-ups about men and was so insecure. She didn't like me talking to other women and would get so suspicious of me. On several occasions, she actually told to cheat on her because she didn't deserve me and there were better women than her. Such women shouldn't have boyfriends, they should be seeing a counselor so they can work through their issues. You can't fix a girl and a girl can't fix you!
     
  12. Pastor Preston

    Pastor Preston Fapstronaut

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    Very true, bro.

    To be quite honest, the problem her hangups cause me is that she is hard to read. Her social cues are different. On a bright note, that makes her more interesting than the others, at least to me. Like I said previously, though, the infatuation will end if she keeps giving me the coy and uncommitted flirtation. Also as stated previously, the Lord is leading me elsewhere, so it will almost be a relief when I get her off my mind.
     
  13. Pastor Preston

    Pastor Preston Fapstronaut

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    And, I think I have moved on to a new crush. :D
     
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  14. Pastor Preston

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    I hanged out, as fate would have it, with both my old and new crushes at the same time. My new crush actually initiated it. Both spent their time with other guys, and even some other girls. Sure, it was an event and wasn't totally horrible. Still, it was painful seeing my crushes hanging out with other guys. No one at this event talked to me, accept for one of the girls' guy friends (ironically, and because I figured, heck at least he ain't talking to her if he's talking to me). It felt like some kind of setup. I'm honestly tired of rejection. I spent a long time avoiding girls, biding my time. I don't understand why, when I begin to reach out in kindness to a nice girl with whom I seem to have chemistry, she feels the need to hurt me.

    Has anyone ever had this kind of experience? Any advice for moving on?
     
  15. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

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    I'm going through something similar right now. As a man you have to be more forward than you think. I have realized that when I think I'm being obvious I am probably not pursuing hard enough. I'm not saying you should break down and dump everything, but you have to be clear about your intentions. I am trying to stop thinking, "Does she like me?" as if falling in love is 100% determined by a momentary attitude. Instead I am thinking, "I like her, and I'm going to show her."
     
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  16. Pastor Preston

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    Very true. It's crazy how guys have to put up with so much mess up front. I want to show her, and I'm searching and praying about how to do it. As for the momentary attitude, the way I see it, I can't do a thing about her attitude, but can make sure that mine is good! To add to my story, I had a good time at this event. Most people would have thought that I was enjoying myself. Only those who know me well would have thought otherwise ;)
     
  17. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    Talk to her, and make your intentions clear. Don't shy away out of fear of how things might go wrong, or you'll stay right where you are. Face the things that make you anxious about the situation, all the endless possibilities in your head about what might happen if you pursue her, and lean into them. Face them head-on. You will move through them, and once you reach the other side, you'll either find that you and her aren't right for each other or you'll find yourself in an exciting new relationship.
     
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  18. Pastor Preston

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    I feel you, bro.

    I can't wait till I'm posting on here that I did exactly what you're talking about. I'm kind of in limbo, right now, trying to see how it goes hanging out with her. I'm pretty sure that I like her, so maybe I will!
     
  19. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    You'll get out of limbo as soon as you open up to her. Things will clear up. You're at a point of high tension, but every tension has a release. Every high tide is followed by a low tide. I hope things go well for both of you!
     
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  20. Pastor Preston

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    I'm starting to see that. I'm not too far away from opening up to her, either.
     

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