Predicting Possible Relapse Through Pleasue Seeking Behavior

Hey Fapstronauts,

I'm halfway through my 30-day challenge, and lately, I have been noticing a certain kind or class of behaviors that I believe are indicative of a possible relapse in the near future.

Here is an example:
I was browsing gaming videos on IGN (time-wasting behavior, I know...) when I saw a thumbnail of a video that showed a sexually-charged image relating to some game. I clicked the video, obviously not out of interest in the game. I watched it for a minute or so and closed it.

To watch that video was not o.k. It was a pleasure-seeking behavior, an acting-out of the urge to watch P. It happened without me thinking about it; I just saw the visual cue and immediately reacted to it. In that sense, it was a P-sub, something I committed myself not to watch on my day counter and in the 30-day challenge.

I don't think that it was enough to count as a relapse though. It was very short, and I didn't feel that rush I used to get when I watched P. I quickly realized what I was doing and I went back to work.

Even though I decided to forgive myself and keep the counter and challenge going, the decision to watch that video didn't go unnoticed by my awareness. I know now that deciding to watch that video against my true will and my own benefit might be indicative of a worse behavior I might decide to do in the near future.

These pleasure-seeking behaviors can take on different forms, but what's common to all of them is this internal feeling that something's not right. I am not blaming myself for what I decided to do. My mind is still in recovery, and as we all know old habits die hard. I stepped in a puddle, slipped a little bit, but managed to regain my balance. From now on I'm going to be extra careful not to step on one of those puddles again.

Here is a list of behaviors that might occur during a reboot which I believe are the outcome of a mind damaged by excessive P, and are indicative of a possible relapse in the near future. If you experience one of these don't feel bad or blame yourself, just take notice:

• Experiencing elaborate sexually-charged fantasies about women or men we meet - I make a distinction between these and spontaneous fantasies or fantasies relating to famous people which are of different quality in my opinion.
• Clicking on allegedly innocent yet sexually charged images and videos - not exactly P or P-sub, but still feels kind of wrong.
• Looking at yourself in the mirror in a sexual way - Sounds weirder than it actually is. I'm not talking about appreciating the way you look. Explaining this feels a little embarrassing, but I think whoever experienced this will know what I'm talking about. There is no shame in it.
• This feeling you get when you are acting in a way that contradicts your own rational thought - This is kind of a tricky one. The best example I can find for this is procrastination - It is a pleasure-seeking behavior so I believe that it is indicative of a possible relapse.

These are the ones I can think of right now. If you can think of other behaviors that should be added to this list, please reply with them and I will edit them into the list (and of course add a "thanks to..." next to them).

Hope you found this post helpful.

Cheers

 

Thanks for sharing your personal experience