Hello guys,just wanted to share my story with you and get some tips on how to recover and get back what i've destroyed on my own without even knowing that i have been doing so. So basically i started regular PMO when i was around 15 years old,until then i was a normal teenager and doing MO without all this stimulation,when i used to do it i always wanted to finish it quickly and never was really into watching it much like 10 or 20 minutes,i just wanted to jerk off as soon as possible and then continue with my day. I used to do it almost daily,some times 1x,some times more than that,when i turned 19 i already started having depressive sympthoms and aphaty without knowing why,lack of motivation and losing passion on the stuff i used to like,i started to doubt my self and my confidence just disappeared,had problems with memory and concentration and a big brain fog wich i still have right now. I am a ''good looking'' guy and girls always spoke with me but i really never had any interest and i used to ask myself why i am like this,know i discovered that i hijacked my brain and he wasn't interested in the real stuff anymore,i lost my virginity at 19 but it was awful,didn't last even 30 seconds and couldn't get it up for the second round because it was always falling down again,i noticed that but i thought it was because of the depression,didn't even know what was really happening,so this year i met a girl and fell in love with her,everything was normal and i was thinking that life was starting to finally get good for me,until we tried to have sex for the first time and i couldn't even get hard,and when i did it was only with manual stimulation wich turned automatically into a ejaculation,she was virgin so you imagine the shame that i have been trough,after that we keept on trying and trying,kept myself away from porn and still masturbated because i didn't yet know that i have PIED,somehow i managed to have sex with her 3 times,but it was never how it should be,missionary position and alot of struggle,always after the first round,wich is almost impossible to do it because i prematurely ejaculate imediatly,the little man down there can't stay up for too long and always when i go to put the condom it falls down again,i cant solve the PE issue for the moment because i cant even stop for a breathing,it falls down imediatly,the PIED being the main problem here,PE is also a very bad thing because you cant even do one thrust and BOOM,its done,it makes you depressive and suicidal,thinking that i've probably destroyed my life and didn't even knew i was doing so,almost everyone here has the story with the DE,i wish i would be in that place but i am on this one,i hope i can recover from this. So once i took a natural herb pill that had Epimedium after i ejaculated already on the first time without she even knowing,so after i went to the car and took it,we cooked something for lunch and an hour after when we went to try and have sex,it turned like a rock without any stimulation,and also stayed hard,and when i was about to ejaculate i could feel it coming slowly,i had some kind of control,because it was hard and i could stop for a few moments,normally without him being hard 100% i cant controll it,either it falls down,either ejaculates,on the third round we had sex for almost 40 minutes and then i had total control,i stopped masturbating for almost a month now and stopped the porn in November,although i did try to see if i could get it up with porn in january just to make sure that it still functions,but it seems like he's used to the same pattern of quickly jerking off. What do you guys think and how could i solve this ? I can't even sleep at night,my mind is constantly going around this matter and i feel like i broke my self and now i dont know how to recover and get back to the normality,sometimes suicidal thoughts appear and tell me that i've destroyed me,and that there is no way back. I am currently on day 26 of rebooting,morning wood also disappeared a long time ago and know they are slowly returning but still weak and fading away pretty quickly,i have also noticed some nocturnal erections,or erections when i wake from a sex dream,no wet dreams also. I would really apreciate any kind of help or support if possible,or tips to overcome this,anyway,thanks for reading my story guys,all the best for you !!!