Problematic Humiliation/Findom Kink

[RocketKid96]

Hi,

I was looking for help online with a kink I have about getting humiliated by women and financially dominated.

In 2016, a tweet from a domme was on my feed on Twitter. I had no idea what findom or femdom even was before then.

Around 2018, I decided it was fine to go into my kink and actually pay a domme. After all, I thought it was all "consensual" and we were all over 18. I actually did build a somewhat healthy relationship with my first domme.

However, right now, I really regret even finding out what findom is because I feel like it's caused me to do some really harmful behaviors (not just blowing away cash). During the early days of COVID, I came across some dommes on Twitter who were doing stuff like "blackmail", "homewrecking", etc., and I gave into my impulses at the time. To summarize, thinking back I really regret taking into these "sessions" as it caused me to lose someone, who I now realize, was very important to me.

The issue is, as much as I wish I acted differently two years ago, I must admit that I still have these impulses when it comes to findom and a humiliation kink. Does anyone else have any advice as to how I can:

• More importantly, stop engaging in humiliation/findom activities that are harmful and that I will regret later (e.g. homewrecking).
• Gradually quit findom for good. I feel like this isn't the first priority because it's not easy done as said and being honest, consensual activity between two adults isn't as much of an issue as long as no harm is being done.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I really want to get my life back together again, but the first step is really addressing the root cause of my problem, a kink.

 

[Roady]

Hi,

First of all, welcome to nofap, a wonderful place where people meet each other in all kind of addictions, fetishes and other enslavery.

Thanks for sharing a bit of your story.
I was into femdom myself for a long time (female domination) and I've found out that findom is just another kind of female domination. I have come to understanding how the mechanism works. Once you understand the mechanism of findom, it won't be very difficult to let it go completely.

However, right now, I really regret even finding out what findom is because I feel like it's caused me to do some really harmful behaviors (not just blowing away cash). During the early days of COVID, I came across some dommes on Twitter who were doing stuff like "blackmail", "homewrecking", etc., and I gave into my impulses at the time. To summarize, thinking back I really regret taking into these "sessions" as it caused me to lose someone, who I now realize, was very important to me.

That must be a very painful discovery for you, loosing a loved one because of your own behavior.
The positive thing is that that possibly was a wake up call you definitely needed in your life.

It's actually strange: you pay a woman who doesn't care about you and doesn't even care if you totally destroy your life while she becomes richer because of that.
Can you feel this as truth?

More importantly, stop engaging in humiliation/findom activities that are harmful and that I will regret later (e.g. homewrecking).

What exactly is homewrecking?
I think the main question for yourself is: what do you actually seek into this relationship?
WHat is it that you REALLY need? Can you give an answer on that question?

Gradually quit findom for good. I feel like this isn't the first priority because it's not easy done as said and being honest, consensual activity between two adults isn't as much of an issue as long as no harm is being done.

I think you need to look more closely what is going on in the relationship between you and that domme.
The truth is that she is harming you all the time. Her goal is to harm you, to make you bankrupt, to loose your job, your family and all you have. And .... she doesn't give a fuck about that!
The truth is that you are paying her for letting yourself being harmed. How does that sound?
There must a be a reward for you as well of course. In my femdom fetish, the reward was some sexual pleasure.
And some false believes.
What do you believe she is able to give you?
It can help if you try to find that out and write that out.
For example:
I realized I believed that the dominate woman I was hooked on would always protect me.
It was about protection, the thing that I missed in my life.
The truth was/is that she wasn't protecting me at all. On the contrary, she was very dangerous, but for some reason a part inside of me was very willing to keep this believe. Until I was ready to let that false belief go and freed myself from the bondage to this kind of women, who are very, VERY wicked.

There is another side of the story, namely her side.
The truth is that she is damaging herself too!
Dominance has its roots in fear and insecurity. These ladies developed such a wicked lifestyle to make money an easy way, but one day, they will discover how much they have damaged themselves!
I've seen that both of you need each other to maintain each others issues.
You have issues to face and to solve, but the dominant woman also needs to face and solve hér own issues.
The truth is that you are hooked on her, but she is hooked too!
Hooked to the money and the power she gets from you for example.

I wrote an article in my journal about this. You can read that here.
Also check out the first page of my journal, I made a table of contents.
There are posts about dominance, femdom, mistresses and more.
I hope that will help you to come to understand the mechanisms more.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I really want to get my life back together again, but the first step is really addressing the root cause of my problem, a kink.

I think the kink isn't even your root cause.
The root cause is the reason why you even stepped into this kink in stead of stepping into a relationship with a woman with who you could build up a normal steady loving relationship.

 

[loneloan]

Sadism is a pathology ,stay away from such people. they would(some probably do) do that animal-crushing fetish for money if they could...sadism.
also I really think many femdom women are men-hating feminists who unironically want to hurt a masculine male to solve their badly-hidden traumas.

 

[g2stop]

I think the first thing to do is realize this is ABUSE and not a kink. People can call it a kink, but it is really ABUSE!

 

[Peiskos]

Understanding and accepting that there is no "healthy relationship" that can be developed with someone who is only there to make money off of you. That in and of itself isn't healthy.

This person may appear nice to you and as if they care for you but its all just a transaction, they view you more as an ATM machine than a human being.

 

[Mr.Chips]

Hi,

First of all, welcome to nofap, a wonderful place where people meet each other in all kind of addictions, fetishes and other enslavery.

Thanks for sharing a bit of your story.
I was into femdom myself for a long time (female domination) and I've found out that findom is just another kind of female domination. I have come to understanding how the mechanism works. Once you understand the mechanism of findom, it won't be very difficult to let it go completely.


That must be a very painful discovery for you, loosing a loved one because of your own behavior.
The positive thing is that that possibly was a wake up call you definitely needed in your life.

It's actually strange: you pay a woman who doesn't care about you and doesn't even care if you totally destroy your life while she becomes richer because of that.
Can you feel this as truth?


What exactly is homewrecking?
I think the main question for yourself is: what do you actually seek into this relationship?
WHat is it that you REALLY need? Can you give an answer on that question?


I think you need to look more closely what is going on in the relationship between you and that domme.
The truth is that she is harming you all the time. Her goal is to harm you, to make you bankrupt, to loose your job, your family and all you have. And .... she doesn't give a fuck about that!
The truth is that you are paying her for letting yourself being harmed. How does that sound?
There must a be a reward for you as well of course. In my femdom fetish, the reward was some sexual pleasure.
And some false believes.
What do you believe she is able to give you?
It can help if you try to find that out and write that out.
For example:
I realized I believed that the dominate woman I was hooked on would always protect me.
It was about protection, the thing that I missed in my life.
The truth was/is that she wasn't protecting me at all. On the contrary, she was very dangerous, but for some reason a part inside of me was very willing to keep this believe. Until I was ready to let that false belief go and freed myself from the bondage to this kind of women, who are very, VERY wicked.

There is another side of the story, namely her side.
The truth is that she is damaging herself too!
Dominance has its roots in fear and insecurity. These ladies developed such a wicked lifestyle to make money an easy way, but one day, they will discover how much they have damaged themselves!
I've seen that both of you need each other to maintain each others issues.
You have issues to face and to solve, but the dominant woman also needs to face and solve hér own issues.
The truth is that you are hooked on her, but she is hooked too!
Hooked to the money and the power she gets from you for example.

I wrote an article in my journal about this. You can read that here.
Also check out the first page of my journal, I made a table of contents.
There are posts about dominance, femdom, mistresses and more.
I hope that will help you to come to understand the mechanisms more.


I think the kink isn't even your root cause.
The root cause is the reason why you even stepped into this kink in stead of stepping into a relationship with a woman with who you could build up a normal steady loving relationship.

Very deep and right, the problem is we forget this.. Our unconscious is not prepared to accept this reality although the reader most probably got convinced to what you wrote. So this thing came to my mind: awareness.

We need to read such facts as affirmations repeatedly so we stay away and finally not look back.

Thanks for sharing

Sadism is a pathology ,stay away from such people. they would(some probably do) do that animal-crushing fetish for money if they could...sadism.
also I really think many femdom women are men-hating feminists who unironically want to hurt a masculine male to solve their badly-hidden traumas.

I remember couple years ago, I used to use a group chatting app and I noticed the majority of members who call themselves "domms"(I say 90%) were in groups for divorced ones. They had an experience of breakup.. A trauma.. They want revenge, if not.. Money.. Nothing else.

 

[Roady]

So this thing came to my mind: awareness.

Indeed. Awareness is the beginning of a change!

A trauma.. They want revenge, if not.. Money.. Nothing else.

So there lifestyle is based on an unprocessed trauma.
Sadly for them, nor money, nor revenge will cure them from their pain, rejection and wrath.
Only love and forgiveness will do that.

Thanks for the addition.