I'm directing this question to married people here, but anyone can chime in if they feel they have something to add. Is it reasonable to expect your spouse to fulfill all your sexual needs, or should some desires be fulfilled alone, or abandoned all together? I posted this here because some of my sexual preferences could be considered problematic. I'm a straight guy, but have been obsessed with "butt stuff" as long as I can remember, even before looking at porn. Sometimes this goes along with other self-feminizing fetishes, but not always. I seem to go through phases. It's not something I've hidden from wife, as I disclosed this near the beginning of our relationship 11 years ago. That being said, she will not partake in it and I feel unfulfilled. She isn't against it from what she's told me, but just will not initiate. I've brought it up numerous times, even buying toys for her to use on me. I don't mention it up anymore because her response is usually along the lines of her "failing" as a wife for not pleasing me. I don't feel that way at all, but convincing her otherwise is impossible. It doesn't help that we don't have the same views on masturbation. As I mentioned earlier, I was already very sexual (with myself) way before porn came along. She has never masturbated nor seen the point in it. I feel I've come to a crossroads in my life and I don't know what to do. I quit porn and jerking off, but never gave up anal masturbation. I've always purely enjoyed the feeling, and it's never required porn or going until I finish. Just something I've always done. I guess it's "problematic" because sometimes I feel intense guilt about it. My wife has given me mixed signals whether it's ok or not, and it doesn't help I put her through hell with my porn addiction in the past. We don't have the best sex life as she's often tired from working her job. It's perfectly understandable though as she puts in 50+ hours a week in a kitchen, so I'm thankful for the intimate time we do get together. The sex we do have is amazing, just very vanilla for the most part. Any advice from those in similar situations? As I said earlier, talking to her about this hasn't went well at all in the past. Just to be clear, I've never cheated on her or anything like that.