I disagree with the line of thinking that being aroused by “butt stuff” is somehow abnormal, to the point we are now referencing trans-women reassignment surgery. Anal stimulation is something straight men, gay men and women frequently find pleasure able. But it seems the conversation here points to that particular desire or “kink” as being wrong. The underlying message reads that vanilla is the only acceptable flavor. Preferences, kinks, fetishes—they’re not bad as long as they are consensual, don’t cause harm or are illegal. Some people like anal, some like bdsm, some like fem-don etc. if the kink is not problematic (like hypno-sissy, for example) then we shouldn’t focus on it as a problem. @megaman85 ’s issue is that his wife has no desire to participate in an activity he finds pleasurable and wants to bring into their shared intimacy. I think we get hung up on the question of “do I like this or did porn make me like it?” Honestly, I’ve wrestled with it myself on a lot of my own kinks. At the end of the day, it brings me pleasure, doesn’t hurt anyone and my partner is agreeable why worry about it? Sometimes we just get turned on by certain things. Back to your original question @megaman85 : No, your wife is NOT obligated to help you satisfy your sexual needs, but I think she should want to. Marriage is about a complete sharing of who and what we are. My partner knows all my dark secrets—good, bad and ugly. We are on the same wavelength sexually and we actively fulfill each other’s desires in the bedroom. I empathize with anyone who loves their partner yet has a desire not being met. There are things in marriage that partners will not see eye-to-eye on, obviously. The OP’s wife sees his desire as a “failing” on her part, which it is not. She is not failing as a wife (or woman) because he has this particular desire which is counter to perspective of the typical hetero male/female sexual roles in marriage. This perspective is deeply rooted in our cultural, moral, religious and societal influences. The wife may never be comfortable helping fulfill this need.