Productivity, Confidence, Control

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by lekzai, Sep 21, 2017.

  1. lekzai

    lekzai Fapstronaut

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    Hello, everyone. I have decided that I want to stop PMO for at least a month, for several reasons. In no particular order, these are the reasons:

    1. I feel that I am slipping into porn. My whole life, I have always jacked off using my imagination, and not porn, and I have been proud of this. I always hear about how like with drugs, with porn, people need more and more hardcore and kinkier stuff to get the same effects, and I have no desire to experience that for myself. However, over the past year approximately, I have started looking at pictures of random pretty girls on instagram when masturbating, and it is now to the point that I do it with pure imagination maybe only 20% of the time. I compiled a long list of instagram usernames of pretty girls that I could then find again easily, and consistently added to it. Although this is basically the softest-core porn I can think of, I don't like it, and I don't want it to spiral out of control. The last time I masturbated was September 16, 4-5 days ago (I'm not sure exactly how we count it, by 24 hour days, it's about 4.5 days), and after that I deleted my list of girls (this sounds so ridiculous:emoji_joy:), and purged my instagram of girls that I don't know that I only follow because they are hot.

    2. I recently stumbled on some articles on the internet describing the horribleness of "prone masturbation," which is what I have always done. I started doing this many years before I even learned what masturbation was, by accident, and it is how I have always done it. I have never masturbated the "normal way," with my hand(s). While I don't believe the extreme claims of the articles saying how harmful prone masturbation is, I would like to be able to do it the normal way, and hopefully not have any problems when I have actual sex.

    3. I am Catholic, and have always been somewhat troubled with masturbating. In case you don't know, Catholicism teaches that masturbation is a sin, which I do believe, and it has always bothered me. I find it unlikely that I will ever stop masturbating until I am married, but I would at least like to do it less frequently. Additionally, for whatever reason, I feel that it is more wrong to use porn to masturbate (especially with people I don't know) rather than just going by imagination. This is just for me and what I feel; I'm not looking to argue about this, and I 100% don't care what anybody else chooses to do, it makes no difference to me.

    4. In the past, I have noticed that when I go a few days without masturbating, I feel much more grounded and confident in basically every way, especially just talking to people, especially girls. I feel more relaxed, and have a calm, cool energy throughout the whole day. I would like to have this feeling all the time, or as much of the time as I can.

    5. I am very successful and very good academically, but my productivity is horrendous. I spend too much time looking at girls on the internet, and just too much time on social media in general. It is a major waste of time, and it disgusts me to think of all the time I have wasted on the internet that I will never get back. If this can help with that, then I can't wait. I'm feeling optimistic.

    Just a bit more background information, I am a virgin and don't plan to have sex until I'm married. I am 21, but haven't had a girlfriend for 5 years, and my only good relationship was my girlfriend in 8th grade :emoji_joy:. People always tell me that I'm very attractive, and I'm very successful academically, I love sports and lifting, I speak Chinese, I play French horn, and I'm going to medical school next year, that is if I get my application in on time (procrastination is my Achilles' Heel). Quite often, people look at all this and ask me why I don't have a girlfriend, why don't I date girls, they say that I'm in college, this is the easiest time of my life to meet a ton of people, what am I waiting for? The problem is that although I have great confidence in almost every area of my life, my confidence and game with girls is very bad. I always read about people saying that doing NoFap turns them into confident, ultra-smooth lady magnets, and I would like to get in on the action, if possible.

    LET'S GOOOO :emoji_muscle:
     
  2. ghengis_naan

    ghengis_naan Fapstronaut

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    Hi, buddy.Welcome to the community.

    Whether or not you're addicted, it can be having major effects on your mood, confidence, sexual performance, mental clarity and enjoyment of life. So if you're wondering if you're affected, quit for a few months. That's the way to see who you are without it.

    Instagram is a great marketing tool, you have to understand that. If you are getting something free, you are the product. Our generation wastes countless hours scrolling down their phone screen all day long. And why the hell not? When you get rewarded by your brain just by scrolling insta,fb effortlessly why work? Why read and put efforts for the reward which take an awful lot of time? Why not just scroll social media content all day and live in a dopamine loop.

    If someone's life's only goal is pleasure than definitely, they should have no second doubt and scroll down insta/fb/P all day. That's free and effortless. Also, keep in mind you'll get pleasure but not satisfaction.

    Instant gratification is brief happiness. We get it when we want it; it comes, it goes, and it fades. There's no lasting aftermath of satisfaction. It's fleeting. The point is instant gratification is not designed to leave us satisfied for any considerable length of time. It is intended to keep us coming back for more.

    I'm happy that you are here. Checkout out these resources to get started, these are some basic guides which help you understand rebooting and getting around this forum.
    GOOD LUCK!
     
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  3. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Welcome Lekzai, I'm glad you're here.

    There are lots of Catholics here, and lots of guys around your age, and in similar circumstances, so that all helps. Let me know if I can help.
     
    lekzai likes this.
  4. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
  5. lekzai

    lekzai Fapstronaut

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    You're absolutely right. Even more than PMO, I am addicted to the internet and its instant gratification. I will fight as hard as I can, and I plan to succeed. Thank you!
     
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  6. wave god

    wave god Fapstronaut

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    really enjoyed reading that mate. It seems like you have a tremendous amount going for you. Not many guys I know have the attributes you have.
     
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  7. lekzai

    lekzai Fapstronaut

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    Your "What is working for me" is fantastic. I wish the churches around me had confession more than once per week; it's always on Saturdays, and I'm always doing something else and don't even think about it. This next Saturday, I'm going to be away and probably won't have the chance either. I could always make an appointment with one of the priests. I don't think any of them know me, but I'm just so ashamed to talk about these things with a priest. Hopefully, I can work up the courage to do it sometime in the next couple weeks. I haven't gone to confession for 9 years, I think. It's been too long.

    I need to make plans for what to do when I feel the various emotions you discuss. My go-to right now for all of them is just to waste time on the internet, sometimes PMO, but oftentimes not. Really, I don't have time to be bored. I'm only bored when I'm stalling from doing my homework and grad school applications. If I weren't stalling on those things, I would always be doing something productive, fun and meaningful. It's just so hard for me to sit down and do my work. I need to pray more; I need God's help.

    As for the need for beauty you discussed, I completely agree. Since I have used semi-porn to MO, I have lost the feeling that comes with liking girls. Now, I only like them for their bodies, and never get the butterflies and tingling happiness that I got when I liked a girl when I was younger. My sense of beauty has been corrupted and warped, and I want to get it back. In just 8 days with no PMO, it's coming back. That alone is enough to motivate me to not relapse, at least for now.

    You're incredibly wise; thank you so much.
     
  8. lekzai

    lekzai Fapstronaut

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    I'm really lucky in many ways, and I'm very thankful. I believe we are all dealt good hands in some aspects of life, and crappy ones in others. All we can do is play our hands the best we can, and we should be able to find a great deal of happiness and fulfillment in life.
     
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  9. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Lezkai --

    I understand what you are saying about confession. It is frustrating that its not more available. All you can do is just call the priest. Maybe ask him to meet you in the confessional, then you can be anonymous.

    Anyway, just do it.
     
  10. Do you have a close friend you could confide in? Much more impactful than telling someone you don't even know imo.
     
  11. lekzai

    lekzai Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I've told a couple friends about this, no PMO for 30 days or so. I didn't mention nofap, and they've probably never heard of it. I don't really want most people I know to know anything about this, so i never bring up the website.
     
  12. lekzai

    lekzai Fapstronaut

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    If you were talking about confession with the priest though, that's a lot less about wanting the priest to support me personally, and mostly just wanting to heal with God. I'm open to talking with a priest regularly about it though, possibly.
     

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