Programmers and Loneliness

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by iansinphiladelphia, Oct 18, 2019.

  1. iansinphiladelphia

    iansinphiladelphia Fapstronaut

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    I have been working as a programmer for almost a year now and have been fighting sex addiction for longer. My home and personal life is fulfilling and balanced. However, work is a struggle. I sit in front of a computer or am on my phone at least 9 hours a day due to my career choice. I have joined nofap to keep community apart of my sobriety. Are there any other computer scientists or desk job folks have these issues?
     
  2. Bleecker21

    Bleecker21 Fapstronaut

    Hey,
    can you specify your situation a bit more? Is your problem that you have to spend too much time in front of the screens? Or is it the sex (porn?) addiction? Also: what do you mean by saying that your home and personal life is fulfilling and balanced? Is the main problem loneliness?
    Genuinely asking because I do not fully understand.
     
  3. iansinphiladelphia

    iansinphiladelphia Fapstronaut

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    Got it! Sorry for the vagueness.
    Yeah, my job is lonely and I often find myself bored at work. The pace of my job is pretty stagnant so I typically have free time in between meetings and the few tasks I have. It just seems like I'm trapped in front of screens all day and it's hard to not scroll reddit into oblivion.
    My home life is more busy and supervised. I'm accountable at home. It's hard for me to stay accountable with a job that has a lot of freedom and isolation.
     
  4. Bleecker21

    Bleecker21 Fapstronaut

    Thanks. I understand things a bit better now.
    So it looks like your job has two problems at once: there is not enough exciting things to do and not enough exciting people to talk to. It is tough to change the main characteristics of your job, but you often can change lots of smaller ones.
    If you would like to do something else, you might ask other people in your department or your boss about that. Usually they will brush you off at first but in the future when an additional project will come up they might think of you first. Maybe you will find at least one task that will be more social.
    But if there's not much option to get a different kind of tasks, then you should at least cultivate the relationships with your co-workers. Try not to go on Reddit that much - half-awkward silly talk with a real person is 10x better than the best meme you will find there. Sometimes going once for a beer after work with your colleagues can improve future interactions by a ton.
    Those are two tips that I can share from my experience. None of those things is easy at first, but work is too important not to fight for it.

    One thing that I still do not understand. You say that you are lonely at work and at the same time you say you have a well-balanced and satisfying life outside of it. Despite that - you haven't mentioned a single person that is in that life.
    Do you have a girlfriend? Friends? Roommates? Family?
     
  5. Nil1991

    Nil1991 Fapstronaut

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    I understand that, when you are focus in a project, it seems that the world stopped xD . But try save your weekend (Saturdays) for going to a party or something.
     
  6. tangoalfaromeodelta

    tangoalfaromeodelta Fapstronaut

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    I feel you man. Being a code monkey is tough work. Rewarding, but tough. I've been balancing part time work as a code monkey with my studies (which also revolve around Computer Science) for a couple of years now and even that low workload keeps me more isolated than I'd like. I can't imagine what it's like working full office hours. Can you try and work remote (ie from home)? If your home life is more structured than your office life you might find it easier there, with less distraction and isolation.

    If not, try and reach out to co-workers my dude. Everyone in this industry is as awkward but as desperate for interaction as you.
     
  7. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    man, wtf you scroll reddit whole day? How do you find jobs that they let you do that, I don't understand... Every job I had from physical labour to deskjob in office there was no time to slack if you were actually doinf your job...
     
  8. tangoalfaromeodelta

    tangoalfaromeodelta Fapstronaut

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    90% of programming is just typing searches into google trying to solve problems so nobody really bats an eyelid :D
     
  9. iansinphiladelphia

    iansinphiladelphia Fapstronaut

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    I have a family at home. Wife and three kids. I just lose all semblance of structure at work. I’m trying to get lunch with people but the second I’m at my desk i just shutdown. I am going to bug my boss about more projects because I am dying here. Since, I’ve started frequenting these forums I’ve been much better! Granted it’s been one workday thus far.
     
    Bleecker21 likes this.
  10. iansinphiladelphia

    iansinphiladelphia Fapstronaut

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    haha it's not all day but every couple hours or so I will take a "break" at my desk. I've since replaced reddit with this board so i'm doing better. But yeah those intermittent breaks are pretty high risk for my sobriety.
     
  11. shadowhunter96

    shadowhunter96 New Fapstronaut

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    can you tell me why are you posting this here on nofap, while you have not mentioned that you are a fapper ?
     
  12. BreakingBenjamin

    BreakingBenjamin Fapstronaut

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    Maybe you could try to move to a different position that is related to programming, but one that will challenge you more, instead of let you roam freely around the internet
     
  13. iansinphiladelphia

    iansinphiladelphia Fapstronaut

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    I was asking for advice on not looking at risque or pornographic material while in an isolated environment / my work. Seeing as porn is readily available on computers and that I work with computers, I was asking for advice from other people who may have this issue. The isolation and temptation from being in front of a screen is what leads to PMO. Do you also have this issue?
     
  14. iansinphiladelphia

    iansinphiladelphia Fapstronaut

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    Update: I invited a coworker to get coffee rather than wait for someone to talk to me!

    It's the little victories and now to finish this task i've been avoiding for weeks.
     
  15. solitary

    solitary New Fapstronaut

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    Another programmer here and I've been there with all the distractions and had the burn-out syndrome with the job too. I'm not sure if this helps but I recently changed teams at work and it's been the best thing I could have done professionally since it's given me a new lease of life for the job - that definitely helps to keep structure in your work when you actually enjoy it and feel invested in it.
    When you're on your breaks, there are a couple of things you can do to help with the isolation and how not to fall into looking at anything risque. You can study something, or read current affairs - that's what I do most of the time, there's always something happening somewhere in the world or some new technology to read about. If I'm running a build that I know will take a few mins, I'll check the news, mostly to stop the boredom of waiting.
    For those times when your brain is left as a pile of mush and you just need to switch off, best thing to do is get away from your machine and go for a walk - even if it's to the water machine - just anything to get away from the computer - it helps you to relax and gets you away from anything that could tempt you.
     

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