Progress and insights/journal

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Windkick, Oct 31, 2019.

  1. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    Where I'm at:

    At around the 90 day mark, I realized I wasn't getting urges anymore (or at least not strong ones). The reason for that is because I stopped edging and went Monk Mode.

    A couple wet dreams during the next two weeks (was not happy about the second one I can tell you). Left me experiencing some issues I did not want, but ultimately I just said whatever it's out of my control, body is just doing something it naturally has to do.

    Energy at work is getting better. I have better vocal projection and am not suffering from this "whisper" voice/tired sounding me anymore. I also record myself on my laptop and do these video journals, and I've noticed a drastic increase in my strength and confidence projection compared to my last two videos. Could be a sign of recovery, and one that I'm more excited about.

    I'm looking forward to striking the "month 4" off my to do list in a few days. Here's to more progress.
     
  2. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    I'm not sure if this is the proper journal format or if I should post a new thread each time I update, but I think I'll be keeping it in the same one for now as it is easier to follow.

    Got only 3 hours of sleep the other night and my overall energy was down quite a few notches. I got about 7 hours tonight but couldn't go back to sleep. To my delight I woke feeling re-energized and strong. That vitality and alertness is priceless. I've been feeling this way since Monday, energy peaked the day I posted that video.

    I'm guessing this is my version of the nofap superpowers. I get the impression it must be, since it is so rare that I've ever had an energy boost like this for a sustained period of time.

    I think the sleep issues I've been having for a little while now are withdrawal symptoms. It's basically insomnia but not every night.
     
  3. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    Perfect, a third wet dream in three weeks. This seems to be an emerging pattern, one where every week and a half I eject sperm unwillingly. I don't know how much a sign of progress this is, but my damn thoughts spiral out of control every time I eject. It's seriously not cool...

    On the bright side, I woke with that energy intact (it kind of wore off yesterday after a bout of fatigue), but who knows how long that will last now that I've had a goddamn wet dream. Just perfect.
     
  4. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    Today my social confidence was higher, and my voice was super deep. Energy plummeted yesterday because I played a first person shooter, online competitive type of game and experienced some serious gaming fatigue. It was like my legs had brain fog, if that makes any sense. Unfortunately I won't be gaming very often if this keeps happening. Damn...

    It's been about a week of energy surges and changes, and I seriously have no idea what it's store next.
     
  5. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    I'm going to have to post a little less frequently and get a more overall maybe weekly picture of how I'm doing (maybe just post once or twice). As it stands I feel different every day but it seems pointless to go over every little detail unless it's lasting change. My energy remains higher than it was, and it's been about a week. If anything else sticks I'll make a note of that as well... (voice/confidence).
     
  6. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    4th wet dream yesterday, really brought my energy down but woke this morning with a strong voice that has been pretty much constant since Friday. But voice is a weird thing, pitch can change depending on who I'm talking to.

    I would like to recover a bit more energy from these nocturnal emissions, but having them weekly gives me just a bit of time to get full operational strength back. I am also remembering dreams better. Last night was like wow... one of those 8 hour dreams where it lasted for the entirety of my sleep.

    I am more awake and less fatigued than I was before I started Nofap, but the boost of physical/mental energy I had for over a week is kind of low right now. I am sort of trading one superpower for another (high energy for stronger voice).

    Update: At the moment, it feels like I'm almost back at square one. That wet dream just destroyed my energy, and I only got 5 hours of sleep last night because I had some kind of energy surge that lasted like 3 hours.

    If I look at the video journals of myself a few months ago compared to a week ago, the change is dramatic. I could barely muster any enthusiasm before, and after day 90 it was like boom new me. But right now I'm just spent, I'm having too many wet dreams and don't have time to catch up.

    Tomorrow will be a better day.
     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2019
  7. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    I'm feeling a lot better but only energy is back. I've noticed that I'm getting less bothered by small things that used to annoy me, last night it was like I was some sort Monk master of patience. But it's as I've read on this forum, when you experience a nocturnal emission it wipes you out for about 3 days before you start to get powers back. I had it on Saturday, and recovered partially on Tuesday. I'm going to start cold showers (less than a minute and only on my junk) at certain times of the week so I can go beyond a week without ejecting, because so far that's the average time it takes before I have one. I'd like to just recuperate, as I said, for maybe 2-3 weeks in between emissions. On a weekly basis I'm basically fatigued for half the week.
     
  8. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    Up, down, sideways, down, up. Every day is a different version of myself, yesterday I was kind of medium level on energy/voice, today I started with less physical energy but nonetheless felt strong and my voice was solid. By lunch time I turned into this lighter, energetic me and found talking easier, some sort of partial social skills improvement. I seriously do not know what to expect on a daily basis.

    Been doing these cold shower sessions for 15-20 seconds a night before bed. I noticed my dreams are way longer, and no emission yet. It's only day 6 since the last one so gotta keep doing these for the next week or so to really get a feel for new benefits/powers. It's pretty much been restricted to voice changes, energy boosts, and sometimes being more talkative and social skills seem better. I'm guessing that at some point this is all going to settle and my brain is just going to decide "Okay, here is where you stay". But there doesn't seem to be such a thing as settling into anything, it's just back and forth, sideways (you get the point).

    Regardless, as long as it's not the brief hangover period after emissions, I feel pretty darn great. These powers are just cool, changing how I see myself and how I go through each day, how I interact with others. I'm still mostly a lone shark but one that actually seems to just be better at life than before. I'm going to attempt going another week without a wet dream and see if these powers settle somewhere or if I'm going to just keep flying all over the place.

    Oh and some other benefits appearing, confidence you could say shows through a stronger voice, and that's old news (I previously had not considered vocal projection as confidence but it kind of is), but also now I have slightly less shame and am not bothered by every flipping thing that comes my way. If there's a negative thought, I can move past it easier. If someone throws heat in my direction, I can just absorb it or laugh it off. I mean, not everything, but you know. It's like when I used to meditate or do yoga it left me with inner calm. My current experience is like a fraction of that.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2019
  9. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    I'm thinking about some rebooting exercises to try, although I already started meditating a little while ago. From what I read on yourbrainonporn.com, training is a very healthy habit, although from personal experience when I train, my internal resources become divided and I have more trouble controlling my racing thoughts. Maybe it's just an initial response to an activity I don't often pursue. If exercise speeds up recovery then I may try it (although I will need to buy home gym equipment).

    Addtionally, I'm trying to not fantasize as much. I didn't think there was any problem with just thinking about sex, but according to the research it can keep certain neural pathways alive if you continue to think about sexual scenarios. Usually I'll briefly fantasize 2-3 times a day (especially at night) but now I need to have more self control.
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2019
  10. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    Workout was yesterday afternoon and I was exhausted. I performed 5 different body weight exercises, x3 sets, and the whole workout lasted for approximately 15 minutes (I'll have to set a timer next time for exact numbers). Yes, it is a brief routine but this morning I feel physically like I have so much energy it's ridiculous (power and strength through the roof). I don't know what other benefits there are to extract from exercise while on Nofap, but I'm feeling good so far. Will be doing this workout 3x a week.
     
  11. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    I think I had a dry wet dream. I've been sort of doing this cold showers thing to keep myself from emissions for about two weeks and it has been working, but after stopping for a couple of days I had some sort of erotic dream that I can't remember. I sort of had the sensation of an orgasm but nothing really came out. I woke and nothing was wet. Anyways it has taken my voice out of commission and while I don't sound whispery I have not as much depth as before. I'm guessing this is going to take me three days to recover from although I can say there is no fatigue or brain fog.

    Update: I had an actual emission the next day, and strangely my benefits came back and I am not exhausted as I usually am when I ejaculate.

    I read an article on YBOP where it was explained by many ex-porn users that after day 100 or in that area they could have orgasms without the hangover, as long as they weren't looking at porn. Is this what's happening to me with this recent wet dream? I don't feel terrible for some reason. I will still try to control how often I have these emissions but I may have reached a point where porn-less ejaculations have no serious impact on energy levels and superpowers. Or maybe I'm just lucky this time.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2019
  12. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    I realize that the benefit of additional energy has not actually faded completely. Sure, that initial boost of physical power and energy was like I was wearing jet packs, but it didn't last more than a week and a half. What I see regardless, is that in my video journals there's a level of strength and vitality that has remained all this time. Instead of looking tired and like I just ran a marathon, I appear more focused and awake. That's a pretty great power, I admit. And that deep voice has been maintained as well, although it fluctuates throughout the day.

    Kind of a headache today though, that I picked up at work...could be from stress, although I'm more resilient than I used to be. No matter. I'm sort of down though, because the two best rebooting exercises that are recommended, hinder me more than help. Meditation actually seems to increase my stress response in some situations, and exercising gives me these impulsive dark thoughts (body is healing, so less control of the mind, is how I see it). I've been trying to recover from that one session a week ago but it's like my head can't stop these impulses. Intrusive thoughts, they're called.
     
  13. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    Feeling a bit stronger today. New benefit? I don't know.

    I have struggled with finding interest in my own career (Graphic Designer) for years and only dabble in it for brief periods. I update my portfolio on a yearly basis but run out of interest/inspiration. I am getting renewed passion now and have been working on some app ideas, always with the mantra "I can make it better". It keeps me updating current projects and if not I just scrap it and work on something new...
     
  14. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    I have struggled with Anhedonia for many years, although it may have started back in 2014. During that period, I thought if I masturbated enough (4 times a day) that I would be helping myself psychologically. After all, that's what the science says, right? I did this for two months and at some point lost interest in my career and creative pursuits. From what I've read on YBOP, the dopamine craving for an addiction starts to exclude other activities until you have no interest in them (they don't supply enough dopamine comparatively). Only the addiction remains. Now, I didn't lose interest in everything I was doing, but my creative hobby was one of them. I was put on medication and that only seemed to make things worse. I didn't want to read, I didn't want to workout, I didn't want to play games. Right now my creative juices are returning, but as long as I'm on this medication (that I don't think I need) life is going to be way more boring. I've tried telling my team at the hospital to lower my dosage so I can have a better quality of living but they only met me halfway on that. If you're diagnosed with a mental illness, your say in the matter is minimal.

    Anyways, life is pretty good right now, relatively speaking. Things just keep getting better as I recover.
     
  15. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    Reading some physiological benefits from this page on YBOP and I am convinced semen retention is the ultimate source of inner and outer strength for all humans. I mean, you look at these illnesses people have, problems they developed because of PMO and how they actually improve and overcome these issues simply by stopping this habit. It's life changing for them. And for me, I'm seeing these changes happen as I continue on this journey. For so many years I looked for the cause of my low energy, my struggling with anxiety and other problems. Now I've found it in this community and others. I plan to make this a lifelong mission of abstinence.

    I know some of the more serious problems I have will need more time to heal. I've read a number of accounts detailing changes at day 200+, or a year+ in some cases. Doesn't worry me. We'll see how this all goes.
     
    Anonymous86 likes this.
  16. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    I don't need as much sleep some nights, I can sometimes get by with 5-6 hours because I have more energy than I once did. Nothing drastic, but it's there. I've read that's considered a benefit. Voice fluctuates at the moment, some say it's with them at all times. That's becoming more and more the case as time passes and I recover.
     
  17. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    I wondered why all those nofap memes had some kind of facial transformation before and after. I am curious and somewhat excited to see if I can drop this face fat, or whatever puffiness in my cheeks causes me to have this half square, half bloated look. It's strange because I trained almost non-stop for a month at one point, lost a few pounds, but none of it in my face. Later, I tried Intermittent Fasting to see if I could lose enough to lower face fat, and I lost 10 pounds. Again, none of it came off my face. It's like the fat in your face is not even fat, and can't be lost unless you practice nofap/semen retention. Maybe it's the increase in testosterone that burns the fat? Since there are few other options for raising T this much, I would guess it's the best way to achieve hollow cheeks and a defined jawline. I don't want to sound shallow, either, but I've had this square/round face since I started masturbating at the age of 14. If it's possible, I'll do what I can to maximize a healthy appearance and maximize my attractiveness.
     
    excalibur2457 likes this.
  18. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    It appears that my skills at creative hobbies has increased. Some sort of cognitive recovery? In the past, I would struggle with writing music at times and couldn't finish a large majority of my ideas. Now, I just wrote 2 songs since yesterday afternoon. Second one took me like what, 4 hours? Lol...I think part of it is that I had a lot of trouble structuring the songs, finishing them properly etc, but it's like a switch flipped on and I guess my thinking is just clearer in that area. Will be going to those unfinished projects now to see if completion is feasible.
     
    vishop likes this.
  19. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    No joke, in 4 days I've written a song each day. I must be the fastest composer alive ahahahaha.

    I think there is seriously some enhanced brain business happening as a result of nofap. I could never have achieved this when I used to write music, even at younger ages. That's probably because I was always playing with myself once or twice a day.

    Okay, so, nice. I'm going to see how long I can keep up with this music writing streak. Fun...(kind of a rebooting exercise at the same time, no?).
     
  20. Windkick

    Windkick Fapstronaut

    118
    82
    28
    Went 6 days writing a song a day. Took me about 6 hours yesterday because I was sick (gotta stay occupied). I may even continue, it's a fun hobby, but I think today I'll take a break. Maybe.
     

Share This Page