Progress Report- 'Pickup' with a Twist

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Buzz Lightyear, Feb 1, 2016.

  1. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    I suggest this could be a self-improvement thread for those interesting in improving their abilities with the ladies. If you are interested in pursuing this, it would help to go on 'hard-on' mode. For those unfamiliar with this term, it is not quite 'monk' mode - like a monk you will abstain from P and M, yet you will also re-direct your sexual energy towards woman in the real world. This could also be called natural mode though there may at times be spiritual elements to it. What better way to give up P, than finding a woman right!

    What's the twist? The style of 'pick up' I propose here will be respectable... though assertive, gentlemanly... though aggressive. Though no doubt our ultimate aim is to find a girlfriend, this thread could focus on something less ambitious- the finding of dates. There will be no room for prudery. 'Pick up' [and notice the interrogation marks] will just be considered a part of the puzzle, a part of the self-development that makes one into a more well-rounded individual. So in that vein:

    I'm convinced that the reason why a lot of us struggle with P is because we have not got this area of our life sorted out. The reasons for this are no doubt manifold. Let's not go into them here, but instead look outwards and focus on being proactive. It may be that this outward movement, toward real woman, toward beauty in the real world, may be the very catalyst required to break the hold P may have on our inner life. If this post resonates with you, feel free to post on your future encounters of the romantic kind.
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2016
  2. You got it. I always noticed that. You don't have to be one of those guys who sees 2 other girls behind her back but you do want to have a solid agenda.
     
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  3. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, definitely want to be in control, not running round like a pinball bouncing of all the girls. Just have to approach the girls you feel genuinely attracted to. Without hesitation!

    Just talked to a girl, between these posts, in Starbucks. A pleasant conversation, did not bother her too long, bit young for me, gave her my card, and let her carry on with her business. I'd be surprised if it went anywhere, but it was good socially. Just practice being that friendly guy!
     
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  4. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    To paraphrase Trainspotters; 'I chose not to choose mind-numbing, spirit-crushing passivity, I chose self-determination.

     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2016
  5. Chef Boy

    Chef Boy Fapstronaut

    Props for being proactive and I'm a fan of your posts, but I feel you contradict yourself with the premise here. Claiming women are not everything and then starting a "quest to get a girlfriend" seems kinda' backwards.

    I think for a lot of us, seeking a relationship jeopardises hard-mode due to the prospect of regular sex, or potential triggers through approaching girls we perceive as hot/fantasising. Each to their own and I admire your bravery to cold approach.
     
  6. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the post. Well, I don't think of it really as a quest. More like just another prosaic part of your life that you need to be aware of and act on. Like with anything in life, there are extremists; at the one end are the full on pick up artists where their goal in life is to sleep with as many woman as possible, at the other are the celibates. As you say, each to their own. What I'm advocating is a moderate approach. All things in moderation right?... except P of course! lol. Call it 'pick up light' if you like.

    I don't think we need to learn a set of techniques to meet woman [that would be manipulative right]. It is often more a case of unlearning a lot of clutter that has accrued over the course of our lives. Personally, I think prudery and puritanism has a lot to answer for in this regard. Once the clutter is cleared away, we develop our natural skill with woman. We are men, we are enough. This is also about self improvement.

    As for 'hard mode' [no P, no M, no O] no doubt everyone has their own reason for being on it. It might suit those with a sex addiction problem, where they just need to put everything on hold and go 'monk mode'. And that's fine for them. But not all of us are made of monk material. Others on monk/ hard mode might just be addicted to porn, where that addiction has often come about through frustration with their inability to meet woman in the real world. It may therefore make sense for some of these people to learn/ practice this skill, and to go 'hard-on mode'[no P, no M, but OK to O with W] Why? It gives you an outlet for your sexual energy, it is natural, it gives you a pastime [should be one among many], it gives you the appreciation of beauty, it gives you social skills, it gives you friendships, and perhaps most importantly, it gives you the potential to find a girlfriend, and perhaps even a lifetime partner. But I'm getting a bit carried away here.lol

    So this thread is not about finding your soul mate, nor notching up another mark on your bet. It's just about being open to finding the odd date in the normal course of your life. Romance anyone?
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2016
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  7. Chef Boy

    Chef Boy Fapstronaut

    I appreciate the elaboration. It makes a lot more sense when the focus is on self-development than on "I need pussy to feel validated"; which I'm certain wasn't your intention, but that's how your post came across to me. Best of luck with it.
     
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  8. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

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    I'm honestly starting to think that 80% of 'pick-up' is simply taking initiative.

    At the moment I'm focusing on starting conversations with strangers. Mostly at the moment asking for directions. But this has also made me more relaxed with small talking to people in shops and in bars ect.

    Going to keep doing at least one cold approach everyday as my confidence improves. Hopefully moving from small talk to more personal and flirty conversations.
     
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  9. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Awesome T. As they say a journey of a thousand miles....

    Good to see you taking action. If you keep working at it, you'll be surprised what you can achieve in a few months or so. I was on the subway the other day, noticed a lovely girl, asked some daft question about directions, kept talking, started flirting, got her laughing and got her number.... all in the space of two subway stops! And this is in a conservative city of a conservative country! I had the most amazing date with this girl the following weekend.... we were holding hands within the first five minutes.:rolleyes:

    Edited: This date was over a month ago, and for some reason I didn't get the second date. Anyway, posting this reminded me off her, I sent her a text to say hello, and now have a date planned with her this weekend. Only goes to show you should hang in there. Three strikes and your out is a good policy [3 texts no answer]
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2016
  10. silverlukas

    silverlukas Fapstronaut

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    Great post! Following ....
     
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  11. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Well, that was interesting. In responding to Temujin above [post 9], I was reminded of a lovely date I had a couple of months back [and of course how I acquired the date]. For some reason or another, I only managed to get the first date, and she eventually dropped off the radar. I never beat myself up about these things as you never know what's going on in a woman's life, and maybe she just doesn't want to take it further. Fair enough. There are a lot of other single woman out there. Anyway, reminded of this girl, I thought I'd pop her a quick text to say hello. I'm happy to report I now have a date lined up with her this weekend! :rolleyes:

    The takeaway from this; never get annoyed/ stressed when a girl becomes unresponsive, give them space/ time and try once again, or twice, later on [3 strikes and your out is a good policy]. Actually, I've found this a very common experience. Also, you are not going to be all needy and clingy with one particular girl [very unattractive behaviour] if you are interacting with a few others at the same time.

    Two dates now lined up for the weekend. The other girl I met briefly at Dunkin Donuts few weeks back.

    Oh, and by the way, I'm not a particularly attractive guy by objective standards. I have to rely on my charm.:rolleyes:
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2016
  12. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    A Step by Step Guide to Starbuck Seduction

    Yesterday, I managed to organize yet another date. I thought it might be helpful if I break down this particular one as an example:

    I started out with a relaxed and confident attitude.
    Your mood is important. Be cool. You don't need to be like Fonzie, or John Travolta [showing my age lol], but just settled and calm in your emotions. Remember, your mind is like a stony cave; your emotion, at the more primordial level, is like water. You want to be a cool pool of water, and in the 'flow'. Your body language should also reflect it, your movements are slower and more deliberate, more self-determined. You do not have to have this stuff perfect, it is always a work in progress.

    Walked in, glanced about, ordered my coffee, and sat next to the cutest girl alone.
    Be relaxed, do not be shy about sitting in proximity to the woman of your choice. Be confident, be bold, yet also be savvy to your surrounding. Be gentlemanly. Quickly open up with conversation. A request for help is good, or anything really. What is important is not the content, but the tone. Polite, assertive, confident, and all wrapped up of course in a smile and engaging, but not over-bearing, eye contact.

    Asked her how to connect to the wifi. She was more than happy to help, though of course feigning a bit of formality and disinterest. She goes back to her laptop, I go back to talking to her. On my third opening or so, we are in conversation about what she is doing at the moment, and her job etc. I stop talking after having created a bit of rapport with her, and allow her to get back to her work. A bit later I interrupt again with further conversation. But keep it short. I have her smiles and some signs of interest, but I do not ask for her number. Instead I just offer her my card, then depart wishing her a great day.
    Do not be over needy, enjoy the moment, bask in her beauty, it is an end in itself. If it goes further, great! If it doesn't, no problem! At this point you want her to become more interested and attracted to you. What is more attractive than this non-neediness and calmness. Her interest is now piqued. She has your card [or maybe you got her number, or she got yours]. Leave it at that, she will mull it over [because many girls are bored and lonely] and will maybe send you a text. They want to meet someone. Make yourself available by approaching! Because they have made themselves available by going out to a coffee shop!

    This morning she texts saying how glad she was to meet me in the coffee shop yesterday. 3 texts later I have the date organized for tomorrow.
    Keep the texting short. Your aim is to date this girl not be her online texting buddy.

    Go hard people!
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2016
  13. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

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    Was wondering what you think about keeping things interesting when there is a long term apart.

    Met a girl a few months ago. We hit it off but it will be at least six months till we have a chance to meet her again.

    Been messaging back and forth. A paragraph message every 3-4 days. Keeping in touch. She still seems interested and asks me questions but it's a long time to try and keep things interesting. I also am not so confident in my messaging abilities.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2016
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  14. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Hi T, yeah always good to keep your options open. Six months is a long time, maybe you just want to email/ text her once every two weeks or so. That way you are letting her know you have a busy life, and are not too desperate for her.

    Good luck with it!
     
  15. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    I'd say SOMETIMES. Wouldn't it depend on the person, the situation, etc. Most girls today expect you to text. Hey if you call, that could show confidence and be a real balsy move. But then you could end up with the answer phone a lot of the time. It depends I guess what you are comfortable with, and what you think the girl would be comfortable with. Besides building attraction, we need to build comfort.
     
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  16. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Another fine day in Pickupville. Had a coffee date organized for 3pm. So wandered into town a little earlier to have a quiet coffee, and do a little posting. One thing I noticed, was being P free, my senses were a lot more alert to what was going on around me.. or maybe it was the coffee. In a word, you are PRESENT. You are both aware of your environment, and projecting into it, taking up space as they say. Woman have a sixth sense for this sort of thing, and I received a few flirty smiles from random beauties in the course of the afternoon [if you are doing cold approach full on/ hard out, these are the ones to approach...the smile is a huge invitation... I'm a bit more laid back with it]. Great for building your confidence.

    I plonked myself down near a lovely lady, and opened with the usual. I didn't bother carrying on the conversation as I wasn't that attracted, and I thought she was a bit young for me. Anyway, I took off to my date which went well, and afterwards came back to the same coffee shop. I went upstairs, it was too crowded, and noticed this girl I'd approached earlier was still there, so I went downstairs where there was more room. Before I knew it this girl was standing near me, apparently checking out the merchandise on the shelves. I say hello and surprised to see you again. She was all big smiles, and hovering, so it only seemed right to give her my card.:rolleyes:

    Put yourself out there people. You'll be surprised how easy it is to meet gorgeous girls. Go hard!

    Day off tomorrow. Date Saturday, and date Sunday.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2016
  17. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

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    I want to be months in and so much more experienced. I want to be further along this journey than I am now. Taking action everyday will be my path forward. Keep taking action forward and eventually I will be there.
     
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  18. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Another good day in Pickupville. Walked into town, ordered my Starbucks coffee, and sat near a lovely lady. I straight away mentioned, with a smile, that it was freezing outside, and whether she knew what the temperature was. Then got chatting in Nick Spark style [someone posted a video of his on another thread]. I soon noticed signs of attraction; that sparkle in the eye, the hair flip, the smile and laugh. I kept chatting away for a good twenty minutes, and found out she lived nearby. Great, I said, we'll have to meet up for a coffee sometime, which gave me the excuse to hand her my card. I then asked if she had lunch plans, which she did. Otherwise, there was a good chance of an instant date. Go for the instant date, not the number.

    Coffee number two at another coffee shop after lunch. A gorgeous full hipped figure wanders by with a young boy in tow. I thought there's no way she is the mum, and sure enough she turned out to be the aunty. There was a tiny bit of eye contact with this beauty, but she was playing very coy. I decided to move to a better lit area of the coffee shop as wanted to read. When moving, I realized I had dropped my scarf [no, not intentionally] when the boy came over and handed it to me. I had a quick chat with him [I am in a foreign country], and glanced back to the women. All was waves and smiles, so on this high point I thought to give my card to the boy, and asked him to give it to his aunty. The boy came back ten minutes later, with the card. I thought the card was being returned as a sign of disinterest, and shortly after left the café. I realized my mistake [language difficulties] when the boy ran after me in the street to get the card back, no doubt given his orders by his minders.

    So why not go for the number. Whether you get the number, or give the card, is not that important. What's important is a solid interaction with the woman, where she can get a sample of your true personality, where you can create both attraction and comfort, where she can relax and enjoy some conversation. If you manage these things, 50% of your approaches will lead onto a date. If you do not manage these things, and just go for quick numbers, you will be lucky if 5% of those numbers translate into dates.
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2016
  19. silverlukas

    silverlukas Fapstronaut

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    What's happening man, how's it going...
    Met a girl on the weekend and we had sex on the second date. I had no erection problems, which is amazing, but did not cum. Next day we couldn't see each other so I relapsed, had three PMO in a row, went to my office for a few hours to take care of some business, came home and PMO once more until fall ing asleep.
    Next day, she made me O, which was awesome. But I was so so tired. Next day I saw her but we did not have privacy, she had to go be with her kids right away.
    So I am now on day three of no PMO.... Resetting my counter now...
     
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  20. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Hi SL, Well got 2 dates lined up for this weekend, and meeting plenty of girls at the moment. Not sure if I can juggle them all! Ha ha! That said, nothing has eventuated to romance yet. Kind of looking for that special someone!
     

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