Prostitutes are NOT the answer.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by TGM85, Jun 2, 2015.

  1. TGM85

    TGM85 Fapstronaut

    I was here before, and it seemed like I had great momentum - 58 days without PMO, but I did engage in the services of sex workers. Let me just say, for anyone thinking of it as an alternative release, it is NOT an answer.

    At first I just wanted to 'test' out whether I could have sex again. Let me just tell anyone who still doesn't believe in rebooting - it works. At first I could have sex and ejaculate just once, and if I tried to go for a second time, it seemed like I had my PIED problem again. Eventually though, after several weeks the sensitivity came back, and I could ejaculate twice. I received compliments from the sex workers for being 'able to go so long'.

    I was happy with that, but eventually, depression set in. Let me tell you, sex with a prostitute CAN be great, I'm not saying it isn't - but the psychological toll is tremendous. For me, I was dealing with a pain of losing my ex girlfriend whom I loved but lost due to my PIED, and seeking redemption through sex with prostitutes.

    Except that it never came. The sex workers weren't my girlfriend or someone who cared about me, no matter how great of an actress they were during our session. At the end of the day, it was always a business transaction.

    I hated that. Much of what makes sex great, the touching, the playfulness, the flirty and longing look, it comes from developing a connection with the person. It's what adds to our self-esteem and emotional and mental hygiene. Meaningless sex - the kind that when it's over one person feels a need to leave or kick someone out - really messes with that. And without a healthy self-esteem, you lose your emotional immune system. Everything can kick you around.

    With a lowered self-esteem, I lost grip on a lot of things. I stopped working out. I started slipping on my finances. Instead of feeling in control like I did at the start of my nofap challenge, I felt worse. Eventually I figured, 'let's save money and fap instead' which brought me to my relapse. Then the PIED came back. I had fallen back to ground zero.

    I became addicted to prostitutes, which actually is a worse addiction than porn. The money spent, the emotional toll, the fear of STD's, and above all, the lowered self-esteem - it all began to cave in on me and eventually I became depressed and lonely.

    Now I've decided to slowly pick myself up, and stop both addictions, essentially going into hard mode until I find a girlfriend and get into a healthy relationship.

    I'm just sharing my story here for anyone who's considering it.

  2. WOTL

    WOTL Fapstronaut

    Thanks a lot for your honesty. It takes courage to share what you just told us. I fully agree. There is nothing fulfilling about having sex outside of a committed relationship. You can try to feel the rush of excitement but it leads inevitably to a crash and it becomes another form of compulsive behavior. I agree that addiction to prostitutes is worse than porn. What is important now is that you are trying to change for the better. Stay strong!
  3. M L

    M L Guest

    I'm so glad to see you back - I was actually thinking of you the other day. I'm really sorry for all your suffering on this journey. I hope this is the start of real healing for you.

    Keep dreaming, don't give up. You can get to 58 days again, and beyond..
  4. Steel Fury

    Steel Fury Fapstronaut

    This is a really good post TGM85. I've been through the prostitute thing myself, and I can confirm that it's definitely a no-win situation. Oh sure, I've had some great "sessions" with them, but that leads to depression when they leave, which leads to more visits to prostitutes to try to 'recapture the feeling'. Other times, I've left feeling 'ripped off' because I didn't gel with the lady I was seeing. It's far better to make a clean break from all that, get back to some emotional consistency and focus on developing yourself to the point where you can have a real, genuine connection with a woman you don't have to pay.
    Deleted Account and WOTL like this.
  5. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

  6. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

    " try to recapture the feeling".

    very good.

    "The sex workers weren't my girlfriend or someone who cared about me, no matter how great of an actress they were during our session. At the end of the day, it was always a business transaction."

    also very good.
  7. Pfree

    Pfree Fapstronaut

    I don't know, I want to agree
    But I just can't help but think, what if you find that special girl and you mess it up because of your condition. Because you didn't know how far you are in your recovery. You can delay everything with the girl, but once it gets awkward, there is no turning back.
    That's the hard part in recovery, not knowing whether you're ready or not.
  8. Caveat Emptor

    Caveat Emptor Distinguished Fapstronaut

    I really like your definition of meaningless sex. Where one or both parties feel the need to leave or kick the other out afterwards. Like those people are only interested in the physical aspect, and don't actually enjoy the other person.
    Deleted Account and wildwood like this.
  9. Amorati

    Amorati Fapstronaut

    Sex without love is like a glorified mastubation.

    Sex is great but, the process to the first "Hi mi name is xxx, nice to meet you!" to the first kiss,the first hug,the latent sexual tension,texting her...Love the process,that little things with a girl that you really like are the reason for all the movies and books of the romantic genre.

    I think you should do hard mode.

    Take it easy bro
  10. TGM85

    TGM85 Fapstronaut

    Thanks warrior. I do appreciate the little encouragements, they really help and make a difference. I am changing for the better, and I'm glad I'm taking the step. Since I wrote that post, I've been feeling a lot better. Thank you.
    WOTL likes this.
  11. TGM85

    TGM85 Fapstronaut

    Hey M L, it actually feels really good to be back. I avoided coming back to this forum because of the shame, but I figured my depression and difficult lessons learnt had to be for some good, for some higher reason. That compelled me to come back and share my experience, so that anyone who's curious can be informed of what its like to comeback from this addiction, and develop another one.

    I agree wholeheartedly Steel Fury. Emotional consistency and self-development, it's still a struggle, but that sense of reward and accomplishment after having mastered your addictions and yourself, it makes me honestly happy and fulfilled.

    Pfree I think the idea that to develop a connection with a girl, honesty is important. You can't escape that. You might lose the girl if you're honest with her, but even if you do that simply means that she was never meant for you and for the person you are.

    What's more important is that you have to do what's healthy for yourself, and the people you add to your life must be able to support your road to recovery. That's a truly healthy and fulfilling relationship.

    Hey Johnny, yes, hard mode on, until I find someone I can have a healthy relationship with. Then I think sex would be okay. Thanks for the encouragement bro.
  12. I've never had genuine sex, and I think it might take too long for me to get laid . I hope I get the strength not to pay for sex! For the only thing that keeps me is the lack 'o dough
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 3, 2015
  13. Jay8019

    Jay8019 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the story
  14. elpamfael

    elpamfael Fapstronaut

    Yea obviously prostitution doesn't replace real sex but I do intend to go to prostitutes within a few weeks to be able to shag properly. I suffered PIED and believe you me women talk to eachother, if you couldn't get it up with a girl, other girls will know, you don't want that reputation. Now it's been over a year since i chanced having sex but now recently ive been able not to relapse (due to mindfulness mediation, big recommendation) but I need sum sex practice though before I make my moves on a non sex worker. Obviously don't make a habbit of it just two or three times to make sure I can get up, and don't cum to quick and just improve confidence with knowing that i can properly fuck a woman. Can anyone follow me in this opinion?
  15. heartpower

    heartpower Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing your story. I too know what it's like to feel empty after a relationship ending. It does take time, sometimes a lot of time. Somebody once told me "the best revenge is taking good care of yourself".
  16. Strugglesaurus

    Strugglesaurus Fapstronaut

    Girls who talk about you behind your back about your penis and sex abilities are not girls you want to be with, anyway. I can tell you that sex with a prostitute will not prepare you for actual sex. Each woman is different, you will have to learn what they like and how they like it to have a satisfying experience for both of you. Paid sex is an act, just like porn, and you will probably find that you still have ED problems afterward for whatever reason. I guarantee that your PIED will go away if you continue to abstain. Testing yourself with sex workers is no different than testing yourself with masturbation. I wouldn't recommend it.

    Find a woman you like, and let it go from there. It's best to have some sort of emotional connection before heading into the physical aspect of a relationship. I'm not sure that the woman would like to hear/find out that you paid for sex to "prepare yourself" for her, either. I think you are fine without it, having sex properly is not everything. There's no right way to do it because every woman is different and will want different things. Prostitutes are always going to act like they enjoy it, so any confidence boost you get will be short-lived.

    I don't think there's anything to gain from practicing with prostitutes, man.
  17. Rude Dude Hector

    Rude Dude Hector Fapstronaut

    Question as a 21 year old virgin would it be smart for me to give in and try a prostitute or should i simply keep waiting for "the one" to show up? it sounds like if i got into paying for sex it could very well turn into something worse then my fapping problem.
  18. nobingeing

    nobingeing Fapstronaut

    Thanks for this post. The title of this thread could not have caught my eye at a better time. I just relapsed my P subs counter on sites that offer this services a day ago, and i believe i spent 5 good (i meant bad) minutes browsing but i didnt necessarily feel aroused (but to some degree yes), but generally just disgusted at myself. This is something terrible that i want to stop. My flatlining brain is starting to weigh the pros and cons of this service, so i am rationally confused, not sure which side to lean on but deep down i know that it is not right. So i just wanna say thanks again for sharing your story, that i know that just thinking about this as an alternative is a no go. There are better things to spend your time thinking about.

  19. Forward

    Forward Fapstronaut

    Thanks mate for sharing. Every now and then I'm thinking about escort too. I'm often sitting on a fence here, but I think you're right.
  20. WOTL

    WOTL Fapstronaut

    All I can say is that sex with a prostitute could break your spirit. And I do not mean this in a religious sense. Sex without intimacy is meaningless. It leaves a void, some sort of wound in your soul. It is a lose/ lose situation. Chances are it will be horrible. The escort in real life will be nothing like what you see in the picture. She might have STDs and if you repeat this more than once, you will end up catching one. You will not be rational at the time. She might offer you drugs and, what will you say then, "why not, it can be fun just this time". But you cannot have enough of something that will not satisfy you. If you start, it will become a virus of the mind. Think about it as if you were going to test "cocaine" for the first time, are you sure you would not become an "addict" to this? The fact of the matter is that it is terrible no matter how we look at it. The escorts are likely to be women that have been mistreated and victims of sex trafficking. You might tell yourself, oh well, perhaps I am lucky and I get an extremely beautiful escort and it will be fun. Even worse then, because you will want to repeat the behavior even more frequently. When you ultimately find the person you love, you will be more tempted to continue with this risky behavior. You will carry this as an internal wound. Why not look for a real girl? A person you can have intimacy with. I do not think one can approach visiting a prostitute as if we were going to learn to play an instrument. If you need practice, let us get a real musician and do it when we are ready, with someone who cares about our music. I hope you do not mind my honesty. It is your decision and no one should judge you for what you decide to do, but since the question is being asked, I thought I would speak from the heart.
    Dailydoer, Pureheart, TGM85 and 3 others like this.

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