Prostitutes are NOT the answer.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by TGM85, Jun 2, 2015.

  1. Pfree

    Pfree Fapstronaut

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    I have difficulties accepting that. Just because she can't live with something we mess up doesn't mean she wasn't meant for us. Reality is hard. Some things need some work to achieve.
    I agree with that connecting with the girl is important, that's exactly my point, I wouldn't want to mess that up over something stupid like ED caused by porn and fap. I can't expect a girl to simply accept this and I certainly cannot believe her acceptance of my mess-up should play a major role in whether or not she's a perfect fit.
     
  2. TGM85

    TGM85 Fapstronaut

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    Fawer, take it from me, paying for sex really is short-changing yourself. I've had loving sex and paid sex - and I can tell you paid sex doesn't compare with loving sex. Sex really isn't just about technique, it's 70% psychological, and it makes a world of difference on how good the sex is.

    Also, the most important period is how you feel AFTER the sex. It's so much more wholesome and healthy to be close to the person you just shared the experience with, instead of having to rush to get dressed because the next client is waiting.

    Elpamfael, I understand that idea about reputation, but is it a better reputation to have for people to know that you've paid for sexual services? Furthermore the world is an incredible huge place. 7 billion people on earth, and if a group of girls choose to not have sex with you, you can try your luck with billions more.

    Don't limit yourself, don't put yourself down, don't play to the tune of other people. Take charge of your own life, and take care of your psychological health. Everything else will fall into place once you do.

    Thanks spanksalot, although honestly I'm not seeking revenge. I loved her so much that until today, two years after it ended, I still love and care for her. But you're right - I'm learning to expand that kind of love to myself, and for the first time, aside from loneliness, there is an inner peace and calm that I didn't have while I was having sex with a prostitutes / dealing with porn addiction.

    Hector, it absolutely is a bad idea. I don't believe in 'the one' but I do believe that its possible to develop a healthy and loving relationship with a lot of people. Paying for sex led me down to a much darker and deeper hole than my porn addiction, and I felt the effects after only a month as opposed to years of PMO. My advice is - don't do it.

    nobingeing and forward, I'm so glad my post came at the right time for both of you. I was exactly in your position too, but I chose the other side of the fence. I told myself that I'm a Man, and just like my friends who hire prostitutes, I can do it too. Once I did though, that feeling of regret, shame, and fear was overwhelming. I realised I was just caving in to peer pressure.

    Today I see it differently - being a man means the courage to live up to the high standards you've set for yourself. It means the courage to do things against what any group might say, and live on your own terms. If you believe that there is someday a woman who you will love and have a healthy fulfilling relationship with, then it's your responsibility to take care of yourself and be in the best emotional and physical health you can be before you meet her. Be brave and strong enough to live up to that.

    Being a man means being a master of your own addictions, fears, and insecurities - not about fulfilling every compulsive desire.

    Couldn't have put it better myself warrior.
     
  3. TGM85

    TGM85 Fapstronaut

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    But pfree, connection doesn't just come from sexual intimacy, it comes from being honest. Whether you like it or not, porn addiction is a part of you, part of who you are. There's no shame in it, because you're actively trying to fix it. A girl who understands that is a girl who can understand if occasionally you aren't able to perform sexually.

    Acceptance doesn't mean she has to tolerate your PIED for life. It simply means that she believes that someday it will be solved and she's willing to wait while you achieve that in a healthy and constructive way. That is so much more healthier for you than a girl who says,

    "If you can't perform sexually, I'm leaving you."
     
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  4. elpamfael

    elpamfael Fapstronaut

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    All girls talk to their friends about their sex experiences thats just the way it is. I know that each woman is different, I didnt mean hitting certain spots or doing specific stands but a bit of practice in the act should ensure you that you know what you're doing, and that your plumbing works properly. And obviously i'd visit the prostitute anonymously so there's no way people i know could find out. I just believe that its a good way to prepare yourself for the real thing. All this aside from the morality of the concept of paying for sex of course, that's a completetly other discussion on which I sense we have different opinions.
     
  5. elpamfael

    elpamfael Fapstronaut

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  6. WOTL

    WOTL Fapstronaut

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    First of all, I think it is good that you are being honest with your intentions. We may or may not agree, but other people just do it and then hide it. At least you are being clear in this forum on what you want to do and why. But since you are in this forum perhaps we should try to see if there is any one who would like to argue that this is a positive experience that will enrich your life. My view: you may or may not enjoy it. We do not know. But ask yourself how you will feel afterwards? Is this in line with the values and the type of person that you want to project and become? If you view sex as a transaction, as a learning ground where the only thing that matters is renting a body to test yourself, then nothing that anybody says here will be of much help to you since you have already made up your mind. I will not judge that on moral grounds. It is what it is. But then I do not understand why one would be willing to hire a prostitute and have a commitment to avoid PMO, both things are likely to become forms of potentially compulsive sexual behavior, and the first is more dangerous than the second.
     
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  7. fishtub

    fishtub Fapstronaut

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    I think many people do not feel guilt after casual sex and just have the enjoyment factor so I don't think you should dissuade it entirely, but it's definitely good advise for people who've found that they're guilty and unfulfilled after casual sex
     
  8. OpenDoors

    OpenDoors Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for sharing this. I have also been that route, and I endorse all you said. Will share some more about my experiences as time goes on here.
    We can do this together! Wishing you continuing success my friend..
     
  9. Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    NO THEY DON'T. What you see in movies and tv is not reality. I have never ever spoken to any of my friends about any of my sexual experiences EVER. Men do it all the time but women do not. If you want to see a prostitute because you think it will help then go and do it. We all know you are just justifying it to yourself because the prospect of paying for sex is just so much easier than putting yourself out there for someone you really like. You know it and we know it. It takes way more courage to be vulnerable with someone you like.
     
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  10. Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    Casual sex and sex with prostitutes is different. Casual sex is still sex with a willing partner. Sex with prostitutes is a business transaction no matter how many men will think the women really enjoy the sex. They are there, prostituting themselves, because they have no other option.
     
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  11. elpamfael

    elpamfael Fapstronaut

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    did you even read my comment? the reason for it is SOLELY to ensure that everything works properly. NOT as a replacement for the real deal, consider it a final rehearsel. Believe you me i've come a long way with being honoust to myself because of nofap, this is a conscious decesion so don't you dare claim you know my intentions better than myself! As for the talking, i did not take that fact out of some tv show. It is the way it is, girls generally talk about their sex experiences, I've had girls talk to me about other guys, ive overheard girls in public talking about their sex experiences, ive heard friends girlfriends talk about guys performing bad when they heard it from one of their friends, i have sister that i overheard talking about it with her friends. That's just the way it is dude, if you ever performed bad, couldn't get it up or prematured, she told her friends! If you did well, she told her friends also. Don't run away from this reality, embrace it!
     
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  12. Knight Solaire

    Knight Solaire Fapstronaut

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    First off, we do know your intentions better than you because, for one, we have been there and back again. What you are doing is rationalizing. You want to use women for sex and as objects. You are still in the same position as you were when you started Nofap. Still objectifying women. Still seeing them as tools for sex.

    We have been where you are in many situations. We know your intentions because you stated them to us. Do not be ignorant. You know what you are doing is wrong and you know it will only cause you and that poor woman problems. You think she enjoys being a slave to you and used as a tool to get yourself ready for "real" sex?

    Also, I would like to mention that both Limeade and significantother are both women. Not dudes. I think they know better than you what women do. You are comparing all women to the "dumb blonde" stereotype and generalizing them in the same category. You just want to fuck a prostitute and you will keep making excuses until we shut up.

    You need to open your eyes. "Don't run away from this reality, embrace it!"
     
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  13. Strugglesaurus

    Strugglesaurus Fapstronaut

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    @elpamfael

    We cannot persuade you, we cannot change your mind. It seems to me you have already let your brain rationalize to the point where you won't see reason. Why are you on a thread titled "Prostitutes are NOT the answer", with plenty of reasons as to why not, yet you continue to plead your case? I don't care how many shitty/young/stupid women you know in real life, all women are not like that. I'm not like that. @significantother isn't like that. @Limeaid isn't like that. We aren't the only ones. I suggest you pull your head out of your ass, with all due respect.

    Using the excuse of "checking the plumbing" is illogical and will only lead to either future relapses or more excuses to visit a prostitute. Women aren't sex objects for you to use willy nilly. You may say or think something along the lines of, "Hey, if they're selling, why not buy?" Porn is freely available to all, but you're trying to stay away from that, right? Why? What is the difference in your mind between watching filmed prostitution and masturbating, and having sex with a prostitute in person?

    Your dick works, will work, whatever. You must become more honest with yourself than you have been, surely, because this way of thinking spells out to me that you are not in any way rebooted or ready for a sexual relationship. Be it with prostitutes or women in day-to-day life. Your way of thinking is illogical simply because you think that having one successful relation with a prostitute will ready you for actual sex. You cannot guarantee when you get a lady in bed for the first time and try to perform, that you will not have ED. Or the time after that, or the time after that, and so on.

    Think really hard about this. You will never be able to take back an addiction-fueled mistake such as this one. You may not have it all right, my friend.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2015
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  14. WOTL

    WOTL Fapstronaut

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    I think most of us agree in this thread that prostitution is NOT the answer. It is a form of sexual compulsion that is actually much worse than porn. It means trying to replicate with a human being what you have seen on a screen. Let us be clear that this is a horrendous form of abuse of women. How can this be taken as a test of our manhood? I am a martial artist. If I have problems to flex my elbow, I am going to punch my neighbor in the face to see if my arm works? No, I go to the doctor and get the problem fixed.

    The women who prostitute themselves do not have better options in life. They have been victims of abuse and sex trafficking. Or perhaps they are drug addicts responding to a pimp. They are just sticking their necks out there for us to punch them in the face with our actions. Let us be clear on this. There is no man of integrity who has done it and did not regret it. There are of course always people who go around life punching neighbors and ignoring consequences, but this is not what most human beings aspire to do or become. Prostitutes need to find opportunities to get out of this, and will never be able to do this as long as there are men who just ignore this fact because they have personal needs to meet, be a test of something or a compulsion (it does not really matter). I am not going to provide any additional religious comment, but it is important to remember whether we want to live an ethical life or not. Immanuel Kant said: "Behave always as if the principle that guides your behavior ought to become a universal law". The more men ignore this principle and try to replicate this behavior, the more the problem will be exacerbated for these women, even if the person who is facing the dilemma of hiring an escort does not realize this at the time because his sexual compulsion has made him blind.
     
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  15. Aivarezo

    Aivarezo Guest

    Thats what im aiming for
     
  16. elpamfael

    elpamfael Fapstronaut

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    Your answer proves again that you talk from a moral point of view. You are against it because you are against prostitution. I don't care about 'that' poor woman, it is merely a business transaction: she gets her 30 quid, I get some experience that can be used with a non paid woman. Rationalizing is when you're not thinking straight, when your hormones take over, i've been there like when I was considering to go to a prostitute for a fetish 'just to get it out of my system'.

    This is different. I am a goal oriented person and my goal with nofap is to be able to have normal sex (both casual and with a deeper meaning). A test run at the end of my reboot (test run being fucking a prostitute) would increase my chances at achieving this goal, just like you would test anything before doing it when it matters.

    I did not know that limeade and significantother are women, they did not mention that. I do stick with my point that most women talk to their friends about their sex experiences ive witnessed that with my own eyes, maybe these particular women don't or it is less done where they live but over here women do do that.

    Do you have any arguments that are not biased by your morality towards prostitution or that question my intentions? If not than we'll just have to agree to disagree, if you do have any real arguments as to how it would be bad for my reboot i'm all ears.
     
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  17. Pureheart

    Pureheart Fapstronaut

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    @Rude Dude Hector

    Be proud of your virginity. Don´t scream it out loud but saving yourself for someone you truly love is very admirable.

    Why pay for something that won´t make you happy? A prostitute is still only a prostitute.

    It will not change your life or your person.

    I would rather say I had my first time after I married the women I love than explain that I got my STDs from my first time - with a prostitute
     
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  18. Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    @elpamfael here is why going to a prostitute is not going to help you. A prostitute is a sure thing, meaning she will not cause you to feel nervous or jitters. She will do whatever she can to make you hard and "get your moneys worth". A non prostituted woman is not going to do that for you. A prostituted woman is still part of the fantasy of sex. A woman who is eager to please you, says the right thing and does the right thing. It will keep you in your porn brain. Searching for a prostituted woman will ignite the same neurotransmitters as when you are searching for porn. Porn is also a sure thing and is readily available. When you are with a non prostituted woman and you perform some sort of sex act she is not going to moan in pleasure if she doesn't like it but a prostitute will. A prostitute is a porn star. She is selling you an idea that doesn't exist in real life...that you are a stud in the bedroom. This will also ignite the porn pathways. You may end up trying to have sex with a non prostituted woman but the reaction, the situation and response will be completely different and you will need to go back to the prostituted woman to feel better about yourself...just like with porn.

    There is no way to get over the vulnerability of sex for the first time than to have sex for the first time with a non prostituted woman. Countless men have had PIED with regular woman but not with a prostitute. It is completely different sex. One is porn sex and one is not. We cannot be any more clear on this, moral standings aside. You can either choose to believe us or learn the hard way.
     
  19. BackcountryCamping

    BackcountryCamping Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the story.

    I am not considering it but it is good to hear the effects that it had on your life. Thank you for sharing a story so that others can see the effects of this action. I hope and pray that you will be able to make it down the path that you want to travel. It sounds like you are on the right path. Stay strong and seek help from those around you and this community.
     
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  20. elpamfael

    elpamfael Fapstronaut

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    That's actually an answer that makes some sense, especially the neurotransmitter part. It does make sense that the same neuro pathways are activated and thus fueling the addiction which would outweighs the extra confidence and experience that would be gained. I'll do some extra research and see if it actually is correct that these same neurotransmitters are activated in PMO and payfuck. Or do you perhaps have a reliable source on this?
     
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