Prostitutes over porn - does it help? My experience.

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by hunter101, Sep 27, 2019.

  1. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    In my opinion regularly visiting prostitutes is worse than P - surprised that a few people here are defending it. It is addictive, it is barely any more 'real' than P, but has the added disadvantages of danger, contributing to the exploitation of women and people trafficking etc (even more so than watching P), wasting huge amounts of money (P is usually free unless you get into customs and cam stuff etc), and putting yourself in physical danger (STDs, the possibility of a nasty encounter with a violent pimp, ...)
    What's done is done, but you should aim to kick this habit.

    What are your goals for NF? If you wish to ultimately have a meaningful and satisfying relationship with a real-life girlfriend one day, then visiting prostitutes is a huge step in the wrong direction.
     
  2. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    "I have a drinking problem that it ruining my life. I know, I'll stop drinking. From now on I will only do crack cocaine."
     
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  3. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    The problem is, nowadays the game is rigged. Women get way too much free attention through social media. And, contrary to what we have been always told, women's sexual desire is triggered mainly by physical attributes, as much or even more as is the case with men. It's not surprising to see a woman swipping left or right at the speed of light. And those dating apps are full of thirsty guys looking at women as if they were a piece of meat. This is a problem as bad as porn which is sickening our society, and not enough attention is being paid. I bet some detractors of prostitution are prey to this phenomenon.
    • Infinitely more financial situations go bad through divorce, every day. Women initiate 70% of divorces, and that is only increasing. Men end up paying alimony, losing their houses and access to their children, etc.
    • Your risk of contracting an STD is higher with the so called "no prostitutes", those promiscuous women who get drunk and horny and sleep around without protection. Some of my friends who are very successful with women have herpes and they don't visit prostitutes. Most prostitutes are very careful with the hygiene, because they are professionals.
    • Guilt: if you feel guilt you don't need to do it.
    • I'm not sure visiting prostitutes is synonym with addiction.
    • What do you mean by "real"? They are real women.
    • When you buy a pair of sneakers made in Bangladesh you may be contributing to exploitation. Here, where I live, prostitution is legal and these women choose to do it because it is very profitable. I have a high salary and some of them, as per their own account, make much more money than I do.
    • Wasting huge amounts of money is a personal decision. Some people spend a lot of money traveling around the world or going to expensive restaurants, buying expensive clothes, etc.
    • STDs: I already commented above.
    • Violent pimp: that's only in the movies.
    There is an experiment where scientists teach monkeys the concept of money. First thing male monkeys do is buy the sexual favors of female monkeys. It is in our nature. So I think your sarcasm is off the point.
    https://www.zmescience.com/research...g-after-the-first-prostitute-monkey-appeared/
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2019
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  4. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    That has nothing to do with what I meant, you just wanted to talk about monkey prostitutes.
     
  5. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    Your sarcasm implies that stopping PMO and doing prostitutes is like switching from alcohol to crack, i.e. switching from something bad to something even worse.

    And what I am telling you there is that something that happens naturally between men and women cannot be regarded as a substitute for something bad. I hope you understand it now.
     
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  6. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your post Clapas, that was certainly heartfelt and had a lot of interesting points in it, most of which I agree with.
    Divorce courts are often seemingly 'rigged' against men, but I would hope any sane man would think long and hard before trusting a woman enough to marry her. I don't think anyone thinks it is an alternative to prostitution. I agree that having casual unprotected sex with drunk clubbers is stupid and dangerous too.
    I guess my post was assuming that the op is after a meaningful and satisfying relationship with a woman one day, as an end goal to NF (see my caveat at the end, which I should have put at the start). I appreciate that not everyone has the same goals as me, for their own reasons. Good luck with yours all the same!
     
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  7. Iwanttobefree1

    Iwanttobefree1 Fapstronaut

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    Well my experience with prositutues are eventually I have regret with it. Sure initially I enjoyed it and could not wait to get back to the encounter after hooking up with one, but eventually I felt I was just being used and felt cheap in the end. I went to the same one for a few months. It can get addictive.

    I can't say my PMO addiction lessoned as I saw when I was all broke after spending most of my money on one and waiting till your next payday so you can pay for a prostitute again, the urge to PMO gets high.
     
  8. 12&6

    12&6 Fapstronaut

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    I have seen this before and my advice is that PMO is actually worse than SA. Together its a tailspin. Your body is desenatized to another level or manner. In my opinon only.Meeting escorts only helps in the physical feeling. It fills the void your brain loses w/ PMO. Physical. A substitute for emotions at basic levels only. Then you tackle SA and social objectiveness. Im not judging it at all just warning- choose your path. One or the other.If you go to escorts then limit yourself at the very least. Think of it like a monthly payment. Be careful to the level or type of girl...dont go overboard and create a monster. Honestly,that as you see WILL get out of hand both in numbers and ultimatly the wallet. Use that only as onboarding to regular socialization. While it works for some might not others.This is a whole other level that affects everything from work to your homelife and the basic core of how you interact socially. It creeps up on you and you dont notice it until time has passed. Itll seem like a fog. I wish you the best brother. You can rise above your struggles.
     
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  9. Iwanttobefree1

    Iwanttobefree1 Fapstronaut

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    You seem to have spent on average $154.00 a week on Prostitutes. I live in NSW and that is a lot of money. I believe the addiction to PMO you used to have is now transferred to being addicted to prostitutes.

    You should get tested for STDs as well.

    Its not a healthy way and is preventing you on getting a relationship with a woman. You need to change your behavior where you can meet girls in a club, event, etc not to pick up but to meet and pick up your social skills with communication with the opposite sex. Once you go out on a date you can instead of wasting money on prostitutes and then spend it on dates.

    If you have big trouble doing this then you should consider seeking a therapist.
     
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  10. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    • Good looking people inherit an asset at the time they are born that they can use to pay women in exchange for sex.
    • Ugly people, or below average for the matter, need to work hard to earn an asset that they can use in exchange for sex –money.
    What is more honorable? Please, don't be hypocritical.
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2019 at 5:07 AM
  11. Iwanttobefree1

    Iwanttobefree1 Fapstronaut

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    I think you need to realise that as much sexual pleasure as these escorts can offer, it's not real. And sex with no kind of emotional attachment is simple physical gratification - nothing more.

    It's dangerous to involve yourself too much in anything detached from reality, this is no exception. If you're burning through all your cash like that and it's a weekly thing, I think perhaps you need to seek help of some kind.

    I know what it's like to really feel kind of...isolated? Even sexually frustrated. It's not pleasant.

    However, I don't think simply trying to get rid of that feeling temporarily is the way forward. I think you'd be better off trying to sort out your financial situation and getting a real partner who sleeps with you out of love, not out of cold cash.
     
  12. hunter101

    hunter101 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your advice mate.i fully agree that engagement with prostitutes definitely stands in the way of finding love and a deep meaningful relationship with a woman.

    However i do not agree that its is simple as saying that it is like jumping from one addiction to another for a couple of reasons :

    1 - Developing a PMO addiction is substantiallyp easier than a sex addiction as porn is readily available at of the touch .of button.

    2 - The biological response of the bodg and brain to porn is very different from human sex.

    3 - PMO requires no resource investment eg: money, travel time etc.


    In my case, i visited hookers 25 tines in the first 8 months. After that i have only visited hookers 3 times and have had 3-30 day streaks in between. 0 porn consumption. I believe my frequency of hooker usage was very high, however i dont think it has spiralled out of control like PMO did. I believe my meditation and excercise have really helped to keep it at bay.

    However, i think i will be staying away from hookers pbecause i think it surely has the potential to spiral out of control in the future.
     
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  13. dneys

    dneys New Fapstronaut

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    That's an interesting writeup. I never had sex with a prostitute. Someone told me I had to visit one, maybe because I hadn't lost my virginity back then. After losing my virginity I hadn't been active sexually and PMO was my only choice. If I visited one I would probably treat her like my girlfriend. If I had an extreme urge I would rather have sex with a prostitute than PMO.
     
  14. Iwanttobefree1

    Iwanttobefree1 Fapstronaut

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    Well that did not happen to me when I went to hookers. However the 25 times in the first 8 months seeing hookers s a lot and a sign of addiction and that can happen again. I only went to the same hooker for 8 times in 3 months. For me it took a large chunk of money from me and sure the experience in the first few times was great and I really wanted to come back for me yet eventually I absorbed the negative emotional/mental baggage. I have enough problems without added baggage added to it and that is why since then I have stayed clear of hookers.

    I wish you the best of luck on finding love and a meaningful relationship.
     
  15. the alpha project

    the alpha project Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing this it is a very interesting post. My first reaction honestly was I need to fly to Melbourne. I found your comments on subtle energies very interesting. And I found your honesty really engaging. Sounds like you have done quite a lot of reflection on this. I’m glad I stopped to read it. Cheers
     
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  16. defect

    defect Fapstronaut

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    there is nothing wrong with paying for sex man... prostitutes are women too, right? yeah they are. do you work right? so it is your money man.. you can do whatever you want with it, you should not feel guilty and you are not wasting it. you are using it to have fun , you are enjoying sex with different women.
     
  17. athlean

    athlean Fapstronaut

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    high risk of STD ... all i say :p
     
  18. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    I enjoyed your honesty OP.


    Obviously you are not assuming relationships connect with sex.

    for the record ... Hollywood and it’s endless amount of material for prom night, bachelor parties and virtually all pop, hip hop, Latin and contemporary music promote the hell out of sex without relationship.

    All of our cultural events encourage and spew propaganda about the awesome high of a one night stand, and the moral hangover that it brings after. Morally it’s the same. Here I agree with you and @clapas. I know my std scare came from “regular” girls and I learned that quick.

    but as a fellow sex addict I think that’s kinda of the irony. We (addicts) are able to disconnect relationships from sex — much like the escorts we have sampled who can easily separate their body from their heart.

    With time it becomes difficult to understate its implications of a fragmentation. A chronic inability to connect seems to be the outcome.

    kudos for you on keeping your wits as you explain yourself.

    I actually would like to ask if you wouldn’t mind setting up a challenge for us —- a no escort challenge?

    let me know.
     
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  19. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    My afterthought on the topic:

    paying a prostitute for sex is a bad long term investment, it is just an instant gratification.
     
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