Prostitution, porn and isolation

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Ray S, May 8, 2022.

  1. Ray S

    Ray S Fapstronaut

    66
    53
    18
    If you are triggered by 'submissive' male subjects, you might want to skip this.

    The summer is starting, I am almost 36 still single and still addicted to Femdom and Dominatrices.
    I feel so isolated, I have little friends and no dates coming up.
    I couldn't sleep last night and I feel extremely sad.
    I played this stupid video game all day today while the sun is shining and people are having fun outside.

    Somehow I think I sabotage myself because I am a masochist of some sort.

    I started watching porn at pre-puberty and I live in the Netherlands where prostitution is legal, I lost my virginity at 15 in the window prostitution.
    As my porn went from vanilla to femdom, so did my prostitution visits.

    I always go to this street that is filled with prostitutes, some prostitutes are SM-Dominatrices and some prostitutes offer kinky SM and sex.
    I havent even been to a prostitute for normal sex in two years now.
    Just weekend after weekend searching for that dopamine shot, I also huff poppers during these BDSM-sessions and I am not used to normal penis in vagina sex anymore.
    One time I went to the window prostitutes with some guys, they saw me go into a SM-Dominatrix room and now they make jokes about me I like SM.

    During corona the prostitutes where closed and I needed BDSM so much I even contacted amateur girls from a website and wore a sissy outfit, got humiliated and cleaned their appartement.
    The experience felt so raw and pathetic, I am ashamed to go out and socialize with women because of this.

    This sexual development in combination with falling into the spectrum of autism makes me feel I am not wired right.

    Because of my addiction I havent been able to save for a house in my own village, so now I have to move to another village without any public transport.
    I am afraid I will isolate myself further having so much alone time.

    I have been to psychologists and recently a sex therapist.
    This sex therapist has helped me get trough a bit, but it's not cheap.
    All this time and money spend on sex, it makes me a bit depressed.

    I could have studied and made a career, but my life has gone to surviving at the bottom.

    I smoke a pack a day and I am afraid I will end up like my dad that died at age 57 due to smoking.

    My looks are also getting worse because of this smoking and neglect.
     
    WilliamJ.F. and iamShinra like this.
  2. I feel your pain man, I get off on the submissive thing too. It can feel like a drug that is the best thing in the world at the moment until of course you indulge yourself and realize you got hoodwinked once again. Right now I'm personally just focused on hitting 90 days, whatever it takes. I'm close to the same age as you and I feel like I could have done so much more professionally if it wasn't for this addiction I chased night after night, but I know there's still time. Try setting up the nofap counter and hit 90 days. I'm not telling you it's going to fix all your problems, but we both know chasing the drug won't either and you know you'll never be satisfied with it. And who knows maybe after 90 days our lives will look a lot better.
     
    Tryingto likes this.
  3. Ray S

    Ray S Fapstronaut

    66
    53
    18
    Wow, 90 days no fapping sounds like a nice goal

    Thats amazing!

    Not fapping makes me to horny and I am afraid I will visit prostitutes again.
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2022
    Dynamogyan likes this.
  4. Not to be harsh, but that sounds like a fucked up rationalization to me. It's like I'm going to keep taking this other drug because I'm afraid of taking this even worse drug. You know deep down you don't want to keep going down this rabbit hole, but how are you going to get better if you think it's actually helping you.
     
  5. Ray S

    Ray S Fapstronaut

    66
    53
    18
    I ques you are right.

    But these prostitutes cost me money ass well you see.

    How do I even start by feeling like a man at this point?
     
  6. Fapping isn't going to help you feel like a man. The discipline you gain as you build your streak should make you feel like a man. It takes strong willpower not to act on these urges. Make it the central goal of your life right now. Other things I'm a fan of are working out and pursuing creative activities.
     
    Tannhauser likes this.
  7. mashedpotatoes

    mashedpotatoes Fapstronaut

    48
    129
    33
  8. mrpractical

    mrpractical Fapstronaut

    124
    78
    28
    We are no angels - we are human
    If you want to improve you shouldn't be ashamed. Firstly stop smoking. Its not good for our di.. and its so expensive
     
  9. Prostitutes are not only a health threat and a waste of time, but they can also be a waste of money. I'm sorry this happened to you.
     

Share This Page