PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND PORN USE
- Thread starter MrVerdant
- Start date
MrVerdant
Fapstronaut
Recently, I realized that I really do not like women or sex. Which is strange. I have lived my entire life looking at Pornography and Masturbating -- you would think that I would really like sex and women.
But in all honesty, I do not. In real life, I am definitely a prude and I do my best to stay away from women and girls. This disconnect is jarring. You would think that I would be mad crazy about chasing women or sex.
A thought came into my mind as to why that is -- I use Pornography and Masturbation because it is easier than putting in the effort that loving another human being requires.
When you use Pornography or a prostitute or a cam girl, you are getting a fantasy without the reality which is why it isn't satisfying. When you use Pornography or a prostitute or a cam girl, you are getting pleasure without the responsibility, which is why it is so destructive. When you use pornography or a prostitute or a cam girl, you are getting sex without the love, which is why it is so unfulfilling.
The women in porn. The prostitute or cam girl you are using are all just ready to have sex. They are all screaming with pleasure from partners who give the least amount of effort romantically and sexually. They do whatever you want without complaint or argument. Even the words they use to describe the women in the videos -- sex toy -- are horrible when you stop and think about it. They are just things and not people. There is no love. No I love you's. Just degradation and the destruction of another human beings dignity. It is a lie and a fantasy and fantasies are evil.
This is the reality. Most pornstars are trafficked. Those screams of pleasure are lies. This is the reality. When you watch an anal sex video, you do not realize the indignity or pain a woman goes through to do that act. This is the reality. Many pornstars kill themselves because this kind of work is soul crushing.
My biggest problem with pornography is that I always bought into the fantasy that it sells. The idea that pleasure is the end all and be all of life is wrong. You look at those videos and it feels good but it isn't good because what you are watching is the destruction of another human being. Porn encourages people to avoid love and focus only on their own selfish sexual desires which only leads to degradation and perversion.
Alot of the women in porn are starved for love and attention and affection. It doesn't help that people treat them less than human beings. When you watch interviews by Mia Khalifa, you heart just drops. People disrespect her and treat like she is nothing. You can hate the act without hating the person.
Loving someone is hard but fulfilling. Loving a woman is complicated because human beings are complicated and messy. Which is the point of love, you see. No matter how hard you try -- but you still have to try - there is always some way that you fall short. Love encourages us to help one another and help lift each other other and ensure our growth and wellbeing. Life is lonely and hard and we need one another. I keep coming back to this idea which I am starting to believe is a real truth. The point is not sex. The point is love and the reward sometimes is great sex.
Have you watched Blade Runner 2049? -- Everyone on this forum should watch this movie because it really presents the awfulness of modern life. Mariette accuses K of not liking real girls which is true. K is in love with Joi, a literal hologram. Joi genuinely loves K but we cannot shake the feeling that her love is simply part of her programming. It's genuine but it's not real. But K prefers it that way until he doesn't -- which is why that scene where he meets the giant hologram of another Joi is so emotionally heart-wrenching. He realizes that the lie doesn't work for him anymore.
Loving someone other than ourselves is the point and being loved in turn is the point.
I keep saying this. I am not perfect. I am not 100% right which is why we discuss things on these forums. Do research and find out more. You might find something that I do not know, that might help everyone here.
And ai say again. I am not the best of Christians. But believing in and trying to love the Lord Jesus Christ (I fall short) more than myself and prayer has done more for me with this problem than anything I have ever done. I am not saying that you shouldn't put effort but the results cannot be argued that is all I am saying -- I have gotten more in this journey as a Christian than I did by myself.
Let me know what you think I hope this helps.
But in all honesty, I do not. In real life, I am definitely a prude and I do my best to stay away from women and girls. This disconnect is jarring. You would think that I would be mad crazy about chasing women or sex.
A thought came into my mind as to why that is -- I use Pornography and Masturbation because it is easier than putting in the effort that loving another human being requires.
When you use Pornography or a prostitute or a cam girl, you are getting a fantasy without the reality which is why it isn't satisfying. When you use Pornography or a prostitute or a cam girl, you are getting pleasure without the responsibility, which is why it is so destructive. When you use pornography or a prostitute or a cam girl, you are getting sex without the love, which is why it is so unfulfilling.
The women in porn. The prostitute or cam girl you are using are all just ready to have sex. They are all screaming with pleasure from partners who give the least amount of effort romantically and sexually. They do whatever you want without complaint or argument. Even the words they use to describe the women in the videos -- sex toy -- are horrible when you stop and think about it. They are just things and not people. There is no love. No I love you's. Just degradation and the destruction of another human beings dignity. It is a lie and a fantasy and fantasies are evil.
This is the reality. Most pornstars are trafficked. Those screams of pleasure are lies. This is the reality. When you watch an anal sex video, you do not realize the indignity or pain a woman goes through to do that act. This is the reality. Many pornstars kill themselves because this kind of work is soul crushing.
My biggest problem with pornography is that I always bought into the fantasy that it sells. The idea that pleasure is the end all and be all of life is wrong. You look at those videos and it feels good but it isn't good because what you are watching is the destruction of another human being. Porn encourages people to avoid love and focus only on their own selfish sexual desires which only leads to degradation and perversion.
Alot of the women in porn are starved for love and attention and affection. It doesn't help that people treat them less than human beings. When you watch interviews by Mia Khalifa, you heart just drops. People disrespect her and treat like she is nothing. You can hate the act without hating the person.
Loving someone is hard but fulfilling. Loving a woman is complicated because human beings are complicated and messy. Which is the point of love, you see. No matter how hard you try -- but you still have to try - there is always some way that you fall short. Love encourages us to help one another and help lift each other other and ensure our growth and wellbeing. Life is lonely and hard and we need one another. I keep coming back to this idea which I am starting to believe is a real truth. The point is not sex. The point is love and the reward sometimes is great sex.
Have you watched Blade Runner 2049? -- Everyone on this forum should watch this movie because it really presents the awfulness of modern life. Mariette accuses K of not liking real girls which is true. K is in love with Joi, a literal hologram. Joi genuinely loves K but we cannot shake the feeling that her love is simply part of her programming. It's genuine but it's not real. But K prefers it that way until he doesn't -- which is why that scene where he meets the giant hologram of another Joi is so emotionally heart-wrenching. He realizes that the lie doesn't work for him anymore.
Loving someone other than ourselves is the point and being loved in turn is the point.
I keep saying this. I am not perfect. I am not 100% right which is why we discuss things on these forums. Do research and find out more. You might find something that I do not know, that might help everyone here.
And ai say again. I am not the best of Christians. But believing in and trying to love the Lord Jesus Christ (I fall short) more than myself and prayer has done more for me with this problem than anything I have ever done. I am not saying that you shouldn't put effort but the results cannot be argued that is all I am saying -- I have gotten more in this journey as a Christian than I did by myself.
Let me know what you think I hope this helps.
Pinya
Fapstronaut
Great post! I mostly agree with you on this topic. However I don’t think that we are addicted to porn because it’s easier than real girls, it is just addiction by itself and how it works makes as addicts but then it makes as desensitized to real people so you don’t want to risk to create real relationships
MrVerdant
Fapstronaut
Hey brother. Thank you for the message.
I say that we do it unconsciously. We satisfy the need for sex easily and without effort or responsibility through porn.
But I think your point is right. The idea is that the act of being addicted to porn makes us an addict. If we can stop being addicted then we will stop being addicts.
This is interesting. My approach to life has always been change myself and then the actions will follow. My suspicion is that we change the action first and foremost.
What do you think?
MrVerdant
Fapstronaut
WHY IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO USE A PORN BLOCKER?
Think of yourself as you would any person. You rely on them but you always put measures in place to make sure that you can trust them. If you work in a bank, management trusts it's employees not to steal money but there are measures in place to make sure that given the opportunity an employee does not succumb to temptation and steal from the bank aka a bank vault and security measures to deny access to the vault by just anyone.
You are the employee and the security measures are the porn blockers that keep you from accessing porn on the internet.
You tell yourself that you would never access the pornography again but then temptation shows up and we never really know what might happen or how we might react. Which is why we do our best to prevent putting ourselves in bad situations.
I used to really trust in myself. I still do but after years of continual relapsing -- I am starting to realize that I am not super human. I have flaws and weaknesses and I have to factor in those flaws and weaknesses in my choices concerning Pornography and masturbation.
I have installed a porn blocker, Blocker X, by God's grace, on my phone and it has a neat little feature -- the password to deactivate the porn blocker on your websites is decided by the developer who does not share it with you and requires you to give them a very good reason why you want to deactivate the porn blocker in the first place. Often you will not have a good reason and I think they will reply a few hrs or day later when the desire to look at the pornography is gone hahahaha.
Yesterday I had such a terrible desire to just access the pornography (felt disappointed in myself yesterday because I failed at something -- which seems to be my trigger ) but the urge just went away when I realized that I really had no other way to access the pornography. It was incredible how quickly the feeling went away -- usually I am struggling with it for hours and days.
Is the knowledge that I have access to the pornography the thing that drives the urges? So the Biblical advice to flee from temptation really does work.
Anyway, listen to the guys who encourage porn blocker apps. Install them on your computer or phone. The caveat is -- do not decide what the password is. You cannot know the password. You will be surprised by how quickly you decide to look at the Pornography if you know what the password is.
I think we should tell the modders and owners of this site that the NoFap journey should be a two person activity. Just like in AA. The idea being that a new person in NoFap is introduced to an experienced Fapstronaut who will keep the passwords to the newbies computer devices, be a person that the newbie can talk to without fear or judgement and offer advice according to the newbie's needs where necessary.
We thank the Lord God for every piece of wisdom that is given.
As usual my advice is research because no one is 100% right which is why we talk things out on the forum --so that we can help each other, remove mistruths and reach for the truth (which sets us free). Prayer because we need Our LORD Christ's help.
Thank you. I hope everyone is doing well. Let's beat this problem -- not just for ourselves but for future generations as well.
Think of yourself as you would any person. You rely on them but you always put measures in place to make sure that you can trust them. If you work in a bank, management trusts it's employees not to steal money but there are measures in place to make sure that given the opportunity an employee does not succumb to temptation and steal from the bank aka a bank vault and security measures to deny access to the vault by just anyone.
You are the employee and the security measures are the porn blockers that keep you from accessing porn on the internet.
You tell yourself that you would never access the pornography again but then temptation shows up and we never really know what might happen or how we might react. Which is why we do our best to prevent putting ourselves in bad situations.
I used to really trust in myself. I still do but after years of continual relapsing -- I am starting to realize that I am not super human. I have flaws and weaknesses and I have to factor in those flaws and weaknesses in my choices concerning Pornography and masturbation.
I have installed a porn blocker, Blocker X, by God's grace, on my phone and it has a neat little feature -- the password to deactivate the porn blocker on your websites is decided by the developer who does not share it with you and requires you to give them a very good reason why you want to deactivate the porn blocker in the first place. Often you will not have a good reason and I think they will reply a few hrs or day later when the desire to look at the pornography is gone hahahaha.
Yesterday I had such a terrible desire to just access the pornography (felt disappointed in myself yesterday because I failed at something -- which seems to be my trigger ) but the urge just went away when I realized that I really had no other way to access the pornography. It was incredible how quickly the feeling went away -- usually I am struggling with it for hours and days.
Is the knowledge that I have access to the pornography the thing that drives the urges? So the Biblical advice to flee from temptation really does work.
Anyway, listen to the guys who encourage porn blocker apps. Install them on your computer or phone. The caveat is -- do not decide what the password is. You cannot know the password. You will be surprised by how quickly you decide to look at the Pornography if you know what the password is.
I think we should tell the modders and owners of this site that the NoFap journey should be a two person activity. Just like in AA. The idea being that a new person in NoFap is introduced to an experienced Fapstronaut who will keep the passwords to the newbies computer devices, be a person that the newbie can talk to without fear or judgement and offer advice according to the newbie's needs where necessary.
We thank the Lord God for every piece of wisdom that is given.
As usual my advice is research because no one is 100% right which is why we talk things out on the forum --so that we can help each other, remove mistruths and reach for the truth (which sets us free). Prayer because we need Our LORD Christ's help.
Thank you. I hope everyone is doing well. Let's beat this problem -- not just for ourselves but for future generations as well.
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Pinya
Fapstronaut
Our behavior is too complex, there are many things that form us as person so it’s not just changing the actions. And what do you mean by saying “change myself”. Is it changing thoughts or mindsets or something else?
MrVerdant
Fapstronaut
More like changing
More like changing thoughts and mindsets. That has its place and advantages but I think the key is behavioral change.
There are many things that influence behavior, true. My interest is in trying to do things properly/perfectly or at the very least not doing wrong.
Take for instance why we relapse. This problem has hounded me for the longest time. Why do we do it? I mean it's obvious that it doesn't benefit us in anyway. My hope is that if I understand why then I can fix the problem and help others fix the problem.
More like changing thoughts and mindsets. That has its place and advantages but I think the key is behavioral change.
There are many things that influence behavior, true. My interest is in trying to do things properly/perfectly or at the very least not doing wrong.
Take for instance why we relapse. This problem has hounded me for the longest time. Why do we do it? I mean it's obvious that it doesn't benefit us in anyway. My hope is that if I understand why then I can fix the problem and help others fix the problem.
MrVerdant
Fapstronaut
Think of relapsing to Pornography and Masturbation as an Elden Ring/Dark Souls villain.
Radahn, for instance, is big, ugly, menacing and a challenge to beat. But the good news is -- like any Elden Ring/Dark Souls boss -- he has patterns of attack which you can exploit to gain victory.
When I first started out on this NoFap journey, I lived in constant fear of relapsing and being defeated by this villain because I knew and understood nothing of it's patterns and attacks.
My journey these days is understanding the patterns of attack that come with the urges for Porn Use and Masturbation, and working to dodge/parry the attacks.
ATTACK #1: Sneak Attack
The desire for porn use and masturbation is at its strongest when I have little or no willpower particularly when I am tired and I feel bad about myself.
When I am tired, depressed or feeling overwhelmed or awful about myself, that's when it attacks.
Resisting the urges to use Pornography and Masturbation requires willpower -- which is something I believe is a resource that needs to be cultivated.
COUNTER-ATTACK:
These days I've learnt that I am not 100% perfect and I will get tired and weak - my willpower won't be rock solid all of the time.
That's why I use a Porn Blocker on my phone. Whenever I feel tired or my ability to resist pornography ebbs away and I want to give in, I know that I won't be able to access the pornography from the comfort of my phone. The great thing is -- I don't know what the password to deactivate the blocker is. Only the developer does. This means that even though I am overwhelmed by the desire, I cannot do anything about it. They are very effective.
I use BlockerHero and Blocker X
ATTACK #2: Lyre of Lies: Delusion
The urge takes advantage of the belief in your mind that porn is a good or wonderful thing. It seduces you with the illusion that climaxing by porn and masturbation has no consequences or that it will take away your pain and make you feel good.
This is a lie.
There are some people who climb to the top of a building and report a feeling or urge to simply jump. Of course, they resist the urge because they understand that the urge and it's consequences are evil. Note all of the TikToks about not letting the intrusive thoughts win.
This is exactly the same thing with Porn and Masturbation. It's an urge but it's a dangerous urge because it masquerades as something pleasurable, that feels good or beautiful. This makes it harder to judge it as something evil.
COUNTER ATTACK:
Just as a person resists the urge to jump from a tall building because they understand the consequences of doing so. These days whenever I get the urges to use Pornography and to masturbate, I remember the consequences of these actions -- PIED. Destroyed relationships and reputation.
Do not self indulge or do whatever whim, urge or desire that you have. Think about the action first, consider the results and the consequences -- that will strengthen your resolve.
You have to remember that Porn is evil. The great production values, the naked bodies. It all looks good but the truth is -- this action destroys a human being. Some porn channels use trafficked girls. Learning this has been horrifying. And for every 1 porn star who has made it big, there are countless more who have either killed themselves or are unhappy. Porn is not beautiful. It's a monstrosity.
Once you understand this, then you cannot look at Pornography anymore. You just can't.
As always nothing anyone says is 100% right which is why we debate and ask questions to find out the truth. Do your own research. And seek the truth -- You will find it.
Happy conquering brothers.
Radahn, for instance, is big, ugly, menacing and a challenge to beat. But the good news is -- like any Elden Ring/Dark Souls boss -- he has patterns of attack which you can exploit to gain victory.
When I first started out on this NoFap journey, I lived in constant fear of relapsing and being defeated by this villain because I knew and understood nothing of it's patterns and attacks.
My journey these days is understanding the patterns of attack that come with the urges for Porn Use and Masturbation, and working to dodge/parry the attacks.
ATTACK #1: Sneak Attack
The desire for porn use and masturbation is at its strongest when I have little or no willpower particularly when I am tired and I feel bad about myself.
When I am tired, depressed or feeling overwhelmed or awful about myself, that's when it attacks.
Resisting the urges to use Pornography and Masturbation requires willpower -- which is something I believe is a resource that needs to be cultivated.
COUNTER-ATTACK:
These days I've learnt that I am not 100% perfect and I will get tired and weak - my willpower won't be rock solid all of the time.
That's why I use a Porn Blocker on my phone. Whenever I feel tired or my ability to resist pornography ebbs away and I want to give in, I know that I won't be able to access the pornography from the comfort of my phone. The great thing is -- I don't know what the password to deactivate the blocker is. Only the developer does. This means that even though I am overwhelmed by the desire, I cannot do anything about it. They are very effective.
I use BlockerHero and Blocker X
ATTACK #2: Lyre of Lies: Delusion
The urge takes advantage of the belief in your mind that porn is a good or wonderful thing. It seduces you with the illusion that climaxing by porn and masturbation has no consequences or that it will take away your pain and make you feel good.
This is a lie.
There are some people who climb to the top of a building and report a feeling or urge to simply jump. Of course, they resist the urge because they understand that the urge and it's consequences are evil. Note all of the TikToks about not letting the intrusive thoughts win.
This is exactly the same thing with Porn and Masturbation. It's an urge but it's a dangerous urge because it masquerades as something pleasurable, that feels good or beautiful. This makes it harder to judge it as something evil.
COUNTER ATTACK:
Just as a person resists the urge to jump from a tall building because they understand the consequences of doing so. These days whenever I get the urges to use Pornography and to masturbate, I remember the consequences of these actions -- PIED. Destroyed relationships and reputation.
Do not self indulge or do whatever whim, urge or desire that you have. Think about the action first, consider the results and the consequences -- that will strengthen your resolve.
You have to remember that Porn is evil. The great production values, the naked bodies. It all looks good but the truth is -- this action destroys a human being. Some porn channels use trafficked girls. Learning this has been horrifying. And for every 1 porn star who has made it big, there are countless more who have either killed themselves or are unhappy. Porn is not beautiful. It's a monstrosity.
Once you understand this, then you cannot look at Pornography anymore. You just can't.
As always nothing anyone says is 100% right which is why we debate and ask questions to find out the truth. Do your own research. And seek the truth -- You will find it.
Happy conquering brothers.
MrVerdant
Fapstronaut
No defeat is final unless you want it to be.
Hannibal was arguably one of the greatest military minds of the ancient world -- probably greater than Alexander the Great. He kept beating the Romans over and over again in some of the most brilliantly thought out battles the world had ever seen.
In ancient times, if you lost three or more decisive battles, you gave up and surrendered. Trasimene, Trebia, Cannae, Hannibal annihilated army after Roman army. After all these victories, this is what Hannibal expected the Romans to do -- give up. Unfortunately he didn't realize that The Romans as a culture didn't have the word give up in their dictionary.
Even though they lost battle after decisive battle, the Romans kept on fighting back until Hannibal was utterly defeated at Zama. It wasn't superior generalship and superb military tactics (although those played a part) that ultimately won the war -- it was the persistence, grit and never-give-up attitude of the Romans in the face of defeat that won victory for them.
Hannibal is relapsing to PMO. You are the Romans.
Relapsing often feels like an overwhelming defeat. It comes with feelings of hopelessness and self-hatred (that's always been my experience). With the hopelessness and self-hatred comes the belief that trying or making an effort or fighting back is pointless. Everytime you relapse, you want to give up and it feels good. But I am learning that just because something feels good does not mean that it is good.
There is a part in me -- I call it my human nature -- that just wants to wallow in filth and take the path of least resistence. It argues against effort and trying and fighting back against your darker impulses and urges. Everytime you relapse, it wants you to believe and see that defeat as final, that that is the state of things and effort is pointless. This is a lie -- nothing you do, especially when it is good, is ever pointless.
Evil is really easy to do but the problem is it always comes back to us, our lives and our loved one's. Doing good, on the other hand, is really hard to do but the consolation is that it always comes back to you, your life and your loved one's. Ergo, you have to fight in order to do good and achieve good.
For the longest time, I believed what Oscar Wilde said "The best way to deal with temptation is to give in to it". I have come to discover that this is a mistruth. I don't believe in that anymore.
The best way to deal with temptation is to fight against it or to flee from it. I am learning these days that for the longest time I just wanted to take the path of least resistence or the path of least effort but that is not life at all -- you have to fight for almost everything one way or the other especially against your darker impulses. My human nature does not want to experience the tension that comes with resisting my darker impulses which is why giving in or relapsing feels so good when you do it -- you are releasing the mental and psychological tension. However the consequences are not good. I am learning that you have to fight and be comfortable with the tension knowing that it won't last forever. Also excellence and good habits have to be built and fought for, you do not become inherently good at something immediately -- only through continous effort, discipline and persistence/grit/fighting back when there is that inner push back do you begin to excell at something.
Don't give up when it comes to relapsing. No defeat is final unless you want it to be.
As always no one is 100% right about everything which is why we debate and argue things on the forum. Do your own research and find that objective truth and share it here. Prayer remains a very important source of the insights that I get. I strongly believe that prayer and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is an important aspect of victory.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
The Laws of Human Nature -- Robert Greene
Genesis 39:10
Hannibal was arguably one of the greatest military minds of the ancient world -- probably greater than Alexander the Great. He kept beating the Romans over and over again in some of the most brilliantly thought out battles the world had ever seen.
In ancient times, if you lost three or more decisive battles, you gave up and surrendered. Trasimene, Trebia, Cannae, Hannibal annihilated army after Roman army. After all these victories, this is what Hannibal expected the Romans to do -- give up. Unfortunately he didn't realize that The Romans as a culture didn't have the word give up in their dictionary.
Even though they lost battle after decisive battle, the Romans kept on fighting back until Hannibal was utterly defeated at Zama. It wasn't superior generalship and superb military tactics (although those played a part) that ultimately won the war -- it was the persistence, grit and never-give-up attitude of the Romans in the face of defeat that won victory for them.
Hannibal is relapsing to PMO. You are the Romans.
Relapsing often feels like an overwhelming defeat. It comes with feelings of hopelessness and self-hatred (that's always been my experience). With the hopelessness and self-hatred comes the belief that trying or making an effort or fighting back is pointless. Everytime you relapse, you want to give up and it feels good. But I am learning that just because something feels good does not mean that it is good.
There is a part in me -- I call it my human nature -- that just wants to wallow in filth and take the path of least resistence. It argues against effort and trying and fighting back against your darker impulses and urges. Everytime you relapse, it wants you to believe and see that defeat as final, that that is the state of things and effort is pointless. This is a lie -- nothing you do, especially when it is good, is ever pointless.
Evil is really easy to do but the problem is it always comes back to us, our lives and our loved one's. Doing good, on the other hand, is really hard to do but the consolation is that it always comes back to you, your life and your loved one's. Ergo, you have to fight in order to do good and achieve good.
For the longest time, I believed what Oscar Wilde said "The best way to deal with temptation is to give in to it". I have come to discover that this is a mistruth. I don't believe in that anymore.
The best way to deal with temptation is to fight against it or to flee from it. I am learning these days that for the longest time I just wanted to take the path of least resistence or the path of least effort but that is not life at all -- you have to fight for almost everything one way or the other especially against your darker impulses. My human nature does not want to experience the tension that comes with resisting my darker impulses which is why giving in or relapsing feels so good when you do it -- you are releasing the mental and psychological tension. However the consequences are not good. I am learning that you have to fight and be comfortable with the tension knowing that it won't last forever. Also excellence and good habits have to be built and fought for, you do not become inherently good at something immediately -- only through continous effort, discipline and persistence/grit/fighting back when there is that inner push back do you begin to excell at something.
Don't give up when it comes to relapsing. No defeat is final unless you want it to be.
As always no one is 100% right about everything which is why we debate and argue things on the forum. Do your own research and find that objective truth and share it here. Prayer remains a very important source of the insights that I get. I strongly believe that prayer and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is an important aspect of victory.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
The Laws of Human Nature -- Robert Greene
Genesis 39:10
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MrVerdant
Fapstronaut
The cause of my addiction was simple -- I did not want to face the pain in my life.
As a child, I was constantly anxious and in pain. Life seemed like a never-ending progress through misery and then I landed on Pornography -- and it was like a ray of sunshine after constant damp and cold rainfall. I ate it up.
The problem is, I began to use Pornography and masturbation whenever I felt the least amount of pain or discomfort. It was such a habit that I began to do it subconsciously.
I am starting to learn from friends and loved one's and life, however, that you cannot escape pain. Pain is how life teaches you lessons. You know how gym bros like to say No Pain, No Gain. They are absolutely right.
I am not saying that you should go looking for pain especially if it brings you and others no benefit -- that is just masochism. But doing everything in your power to avoid pain and discomfort does not work either. Whatever you use to avoid it will eventually became the thing you are avoiding -- painful and uncomfortable.
We have to face our problems. Problems are a sign of life. You are on a journey to become awesome -- problems merely show you where you have gone wrong and what you have to do to adapt.
All the pain, the problems, the discomfort -- they are all necessary parts of the journey. You know, like a speed bump or traffic. Things only become messed up when they do not help you progress on your journey.
Good luck brothers. You will get there.
As a child, I was constantly anxious and in pain. Life seemed like a never-ending progress through misery and then I landed on Pornography -- and it was like a ray of sunshine after constant damp and cold rainfall. I ate it up.
The problem is, I began to use Pornography and masturbation whenever I felt the least amount of pain or discomfort. It was such a habit that I began to do it subconsciously.
I am starting to learn from friends and loved one's and life, however, that you cannot escape pain. Pain is how life teaches you lessons. You know how gym bros like to say No Pain, No Gain. They are absolutely right.
I am not saying that you should go looking for pain especially if it brings you and others no benefit -- that is just masochism. But doing everything in your power to avoid pain and discomfort does not work either. Whatever you use to avoid it will eventually became the thing you are avoiding -- painful and uncomfortable.
We have to face our problems. Problems are a sign of life. You are on a journey to become awesome -- problems merely show you where you have gone wrong and what you have to do to adapt.
All the pain, the problems, the discomfort -- they are all necessary parts of the journey. You know, like a speed bump or traffic. Things only become messed up when they do not help you progress on your journey.
Good luck brothers. You will get there.
MrVerdant
Fapstronaut
Pornography and Masturbation is self-indulgence.
My understanding of self-indulgence is the excessive satisfaction of one's whims and desires.
Let me illustrate with a story.
I knew an old man who served in the army. He was working under the definition of a soldier -- brave, respected, admired, accomplished. Let's call him Captain Cool.
Captain Cool had spent his entire life in the army. He had given mind, body and soul to the institution he loved. Now he was getting older and looking forward to being promoted to a significant command post which would come with money and honor -- a worthy end to a worthy career.
The position, however, was given to an armchair general -- the kind of officer who has no achievements but knows all the right people.
Captain Cool flew into a rage. There was no way he was ever going to get a position of that significance again. He felt as though his entire life had been for nothing. He made up his mind to go chew out the armchair general and strangle him -- consequences be damned.
Luckily for him, the old man was in his office and held him back, whispering "Remember your pension. Remember your pension. " Hearing the old man, Captain Cool realized what he was doing. If he went and fought the armchair general then he would be dishonorably discharged, meaning he would lose his pension. Not only would that make all of his sacrifices pointless but his own family would have no financial security. Captain Cool decided to go and punch something else instead.
We are different from soldiers, but that does not mean we are not fighting our own kind of wars. Our enemy is called Pornography and Masturbation.
Captain Cool was blinded by rage and a desire for revenge. That is all he could think about it at that moment, but the old man helped draw his thoughts to something else -- the consequences of his actions to himself and others.
When that spirit or thing or desire for Pornography and Masturbation takes over, it feels as though we have no other option -- it's almost as if we are slaves but we can counter act it if we focus on the benefits of our actions to our selves and others (family, community etc) rather than the immediate satisfaction of our desires, feelings, whims.
I am learning to be aware of my desires and whims. Rather than immediately satisfying them, however, I am training my thoughts and myself to focus more on the benefits of my actions to myself and others instead of the urgency of my desire.
As usual, no one is 100% right about everything - this is one of the most important lessons I have learnt in life. Perhaps what I say will help you or perhaps you will find something better but you can't know unless you look.
Let's go out there and win these battles, brothers.
My understanding of self-indulgence is the excessive satisfaction of one's whims and desires.
Let me illustrate with a story.
I knew an old man who served in the army. He was working under the definition of a soldier -- brave, respected, admired, accomplished. Let's call him Captain Cool.
Captain Cool had spent his entire life in the army. He had given mind, body and soul to the institution he loved. Now he was getting older and looking forward to being promoted to a significant command post which would come with money and honor -- a worthy end to a worthy career.
The position, however, was given to an armchair general -- the kind of officer who has no achievements but knows all the right people.
Captain Cool flew into a rage. There was no way he was ever going to get a position of that significance again. He felt as though his entire life had been for nothing. He made up his mind to go chew out the armchair general and strangle him -- consequences be damned.
Luckily for him, the old man was in his office and held him back, whispering "Remember your pension. Remember your pension. " Hearing the old man, Captain Cool realized what he was doing. If he went and fought the armchair general then he would be dishonorably discharged, meaning he would lose his pension. Not only would that make all of his sacrifices pointless but his own family would have no financial security. Captain Cool decided to go and punch something else instead.
We are different from soldiers, but that does not mean we are not fighting our own kind of wars. Our enemy is called Pornography and Masturbation.
Captain Cool was blinded by rage and a desire for revenge. That is all he could think about it at that moment, but the old man helped draw his thoughts to something else -- the consequences of his actions to himself and others.
When that spirit or thing or desire for Pornography and Masturbation takes over, it feels as though we have no other option -- it's almost as if we are slaves but we can counter act it if we focus on the benefits of our actions to our selves and others (family, community etc) rather than the immediate satisfaction of our desires, feelings, whims.
I am learning to be aware of my desires and whims. Rather than immediately satisfying them, however, I am training my thoughts and myself to focus more on the benefits of my actions to myself and others instead of the urgency of my desire.
As usual, no one is 100% right about everything - this is one of the most important lessons I have learnt in life. Perhaps what I say will help you or perhaps you will find something better but you can't know unless you look.
Let's go out there and win these battles, brothers.
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Fapstronaut
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MrVerdant
Fapstronaut
You have to find a compelling reason for anything that you do. This also applies to quitting Pornography and Masturbation.
I started using Pornography and Masturbation as a child in order to escape the pain in my life. Additionally, I suffered from extreme depression at that time -- near constant pain and anxiety everyday, so watching Pornography gave me a pleasurable outlet to escape my pain.
But running away from pain (don't go looking for pain unless it benefits you and others -- like the pain and discomfort from exercise is healthy and good because it benefits you short term and long term) is dangerous and only causes you to become addicted to the thing you are escaping life and pain with. Remember, Pain is life's way of teaching you what you are doing wrong and where you might have to change -- you have to have the responsibility to figure it out.
Anyway, my reasonings for using P and M in the paragraph before the last were all extremely unconscious and unintentional.
As I get older and I see the bad effects that Pornography and Masturbation has brought to my life -- I have decided to become more intentional about why I do things or the reasons for my actions.
You have to decide for yourself intentionally why you want to stop and then to do everything in your power to make sure that you do.
As always no one is life is 100% right about everything. Do your own research and look for the truth as best as you can -- a major aspect of life is personal responsibility.
Go out there and conquer brothers.
I started using Pornography and Masturbation as a child in order to escape the pain in my life. Additionally, I suffered from extreme depression at that time -- near constant pain and anxiety everyday, so watching Pornography gave me a pleasurable outlet to escape my pain.
But running away from pain (don't go looking for pain unless it benefits you and others -- like the pain and discomfort from exercise is healthy and good because it benefits you short term and long term) is dangerous and only causes you to become addicted to the thing you are escaping life and pain with. Remember, Pain is life's way of teaching you what you are doing wrong and where you might have to change -- you have to have the responsibility to figure it out.
Anyway, my reasonings for using P and M in the paragraph before the last were all extremely unconscious and unintentional.
As I get older and I see the bad effects that Pornography and Masturbation has brought to my life -- I have decided to become more intentional about why I do things or the reasons for my actions.
You have to decide for yourself intentionally why you want to stop and then to do everything in your power to make sure that you do.
As always no one is life is 100% right about everything. Do your own research and look for the truth as best as you can -- a major aspect of life is personal responsibility.
Go out there and conquer brothers.
