Putting Words Out Into The Universe

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by TeebirdThrower, Jan 18, 2020.

  1. Greetings fellow fapstronauts,

    I'm a 30 year old male trying to quit porn like everyone else here. I am married and have a 9 month old son. Masturbation and porn addiction has negatively affected my wife and I's sex life. I sometimes have difficulty becoming aroused and obtaining orgasm because I masturbated either earlier that day or multiple times the day before. My wife is beautiful and I love her. Being able to be intimate with her is the best gift. I want my addiction to stop negatively affecting that.

    I'm also rather unhappy in my social and work life. I don't have many friends in the community I moved to several years ago. I'm less outgoing these days than I used to be. The more I look at porn the more I retreat inside myself. I am not performing well at my job. I put off work I know I'm supposed to be doing by masturbating, sometimes in the bathroom at work. I then feel ashamed of both the looking at porn and the not getting my work done, so they compound on one another.

    I have been addicted to masturbation as a form of stress relief for about 15 years. The first 10 I used television, movies, photos on facebook, and personal fantasy. The last 5 years I've started using porn that calls itself porn.

    I am giving up porn and masturbation. I'm maintaining orgasms within the parameters of my marriage. Today is day 0. I masturbated this morning and had sex with my wife earlier this evening. My timer started at 12PM today.

    My first goal is to make it one week. One week feels short, but I've only made it a week several times since I started masturbating 15 years ago. There are positive effects on my marriage when I can even make it a few days without fapping. After obtaining the one week goal, I will continue up to one month. I will join the monthly challenge for February. The real goal for me is 90 days. From there I want to reach one year and the rest of my life. First things first: One Week.
    Azzure likes this.
  2. Tempus Fugit

    Tempus Fugit Fapstronaut

    Good for you! It sounds like you already have a good understanding of your situation in your mind. The problem is that sexual desires can't be controlled simply through rational argumentation, especially in the heat of the moment.

    A good exercise is to use your creative imagination and the emotive side of your brain to imagine how to handle future moments of temptation. While you are calm and at peace, imagine a circumstance in which one of your triggers will lead to serious temptation. Then imagine the importance of your marriage, supporting your family through productive work, and your love for your wife -- all of which are more important than a short, stupid and empty pleasure of getting off. Find a reason that is more important to you than ejaculating.

    I have found it helpful to make a plan when I'm not feeling horny, so that when I do feel horny, I remind myself of my greater purpose and commitment.

    Good luck!
    Azzure and TeebirdThrower like this.
  3. Thank you so much for the advice and the welcome. I don't have a plan for what to do when I feel urges. I know it's often when I'm either on my phone or computer and I want to avoid something or something stressful comes up. You are absolutely right about what is important. I can focus on that.
  4. Hey man, welcome to NoFap. You have done the right thing to join this community. Your goal of one week NoFap is a good one. That was my goal when I started here the day after New Years. And I made it to one week NoFap. Amazing! Hahaha you can do it man!!
  5. Thanks! and congrats on going 17 days strong. We're on our way!
    Azzure likes this.
  6. I made it 24 hours! Sunday mornings almost always get me. Small victories.
    Azzure and Silent Watcher like this.
  7. You can do it, one day at a time!!
  8. Today is Monday morning. I’m home alone with my 9 month old son. He is napping right now. Feeling an urge, but not acting on it. I’m typing this brief message, doing laundry, and making work phone calls instead. Keeping busy.
    Azzure likes this.
  9. Oh what a joy it would be to have a 9 month old son. I guess he’ll keep you and his mama busy!!! Good job on not acting on the urge! You’re doing well man!
    TeebirdThrower likes this.
  10. Working towards day 3, just have to make it through the morning. I am in my office this morning, me and the computer. I'm not monitored, so this is generally a time when I'd PM. Yup, looking at porn and masturbating at work. Very normal. Wastes a lot of time. I'm a pastor, btw.

    Having the accountability of this community makes a big difference for me. I've told myself I'm going to stop a thousand times. I rarely make it a day. But before when I would relapse and keep the same old patterns, nothing would happen. I didn't have to tell anyone: no accountability. Being accountable to more than just myself is enough to push me out of the habit longer than I usually go. Thanks for existing, nofap.
    Azzure likes this.
  11. Tempus Fugit

    Tempus Fugit Fapstronaut

    If you start to get that twitch of horny feelings, mind drifting away from work, emotional emptiness, or general aching in your muscles and you feel like you need a release, get up and walk away from your desk!

    Break the psychological process building up to the opening the first porn site. Talk to a real person, not a fake actor on the screen.
    Azzure and TeebirdThrower like this.
  12. Yes, I agree with Tempus Figit. This is the time to keep at it to break the chains that PMO has fastened to you. Your habits have to be broken by doing different things, good things, as many good things as you can. Act early on to break your bad habits. Don’t leave it until you’re about to O to decide you’ll do something different. Act early on.
    And yes, we are all here to support you.
  13. Searcher123

    Searcher123 Fapstronaut

    I’m happy for you !

    once you have an urge.

    don’t fight it, just let it go.....

    after 1 min it fades.

    it will come 50 times a day.

    so you release it 50 times.

    hard ? Yes.

    possible ?

    OFCOURSE !!!!
    Azzure likes this.
  14. I gave in today. Resetting the day counter now. This sucks. It's really hard. I'm not giving detailed accounts in the journal right now. Blahhhhhhh

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