Question ….

It's not unusual for libidos to grow and shrink over time. Every couple goes through spells and sometimes couples can become mismatched for period of that. The honeymoon phase ends and eventually.

It's not normal for someone to feel pushed away and that their partner doesn't care.

Talk to him - maybe write down your specifics ahead of time so you don't forget. Attach specific actions to feelings an what you'd like instead. "When you do X I feel Y. I wish that instead you did Z". Don't be afraid to admit you may be part of the problem - and don't be surprised if he's defensive.

Simply taking a phone on the toilet isn't proof of anything - could be fantasy football or something benign. Having libido wane a bit isn't proof of anything - could be natural.

But communication - that's gonna be your step.

 

In a word, "no", it's not a figment of your imagination. I picked up on several clues; counting seven to be exact in your OM.

 

Have you asked to look at his phone or talked to him about it? Do you have his passwords to devices? Someone with nothing to hide won’t care and someone with something to hide definitely will care. When my husband isn’t looking at porn he initiates sex several times a week. When he is looking at porn he will not initiate and also turns me down.

 

When a spouse refuses to meet the other spouses needs there is a much deeper issue than sex. This is not about sex. This is about his refusal to meet your need for connection and intimacy. If he won’t talk to you, then you need to decide how you will change. This will be your marriage for a very long time until you both address and acknowledge the problem. What you feel right now will only get worse. It will be constant. Separation is always something you can consider. Are you saying if you found out he sexually abused children you would still stay married? Sometimes divorce is the only thing you can do to protect yourself. You literally only have one life, the man you are married to should seek to be open and honest and faithful. He should want to meet your needs just as you should also meet his.

 

Why are you with a guy that treat you like this? I will definitevely tell him that he is not putting the effort and I'm not feelling appreciatted. That this is not what you are looking for in a relationship and it must change in order to keep been together.
Then is up to him to do something or let the marriage die.
One way or another is going to be a win for you, or he change for the better and start to threat you better or you are going to be single and free to go and find a man that really appreciate been with you.

 

Yes I understand, you should make every effort to make your marriage work, however it takes both of you. You cannot make him want to make the marriage work. You said “separation” is not something you can even consider. I’m just pointing out it should always be a consideration when addiction, unfaithfulness or abuse is present. The reason is for your safety. Unfortunately, if he is a porn/sex addict you are in for a life of abuse unless it is addressed. Lying to you is abuse. Ignoring your needs is neglect. You have every right to ask him to address your fears and thoughts and unhappiness. You are not being unreasonable. Just prepare for thing to get much worse. They will not magically get better with time. You dont have a marriage if you can’t trust and talk to one another, you have a roommate.

 

If separation is not an option, the only thing that separates, pun intended, your situation from a physical separation is physical. Mentally, emotionally, you're already separated. Psalm is right. You have a roommate. A friend with benefits if you could call it that.

 

Everyone uses their phone when going to the bathroom. But a man not wanting sex is not normal.

On average how often do you have sex and how long does it last?

Also just talk to him and ask him what is going on.

 

have you asked him, why is this happening?

 

That is certainly a problem, but if you don't discuss it with him how do you plan to solve it?

 

Sweetie, he's gaslighting you and it is psychological abuse. Do you have boundaries?

 

Unfortunately if he is a problem addict he will just lie and try and hide it better. Not all, but the vast majority. Then trying to talk about it with them makes you feel crazy. Talk all you want, they don’t listen or admit there is a problem.

 

but at least try you are making assumptions, what if he opens up. The problem is an elephant in the room. It can not be hidden.

 

Yes of course try, I’m not saying don’t, just pointing out that many of us try and talk about it only to be gas lit