Question: Being in love feels like a drug

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by ThomasV, Jan 3, 2018.

  1. ThomasV

    ThomasV Fapstronaut

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    Yow everyone! I have a crush on someone in my class, she is pretty fucking amazing. Anyway I know nothing will come out of it because I already asked her out 8 times over the course of 4 months. (never give up!) And nothing has come out of it. She likes me but I don't think a relationship / sexual way. But this is not the problem.

    Here is my problem:
    I know my body is pretty nuts about this girl, this girl is constantly in my head. And altough I really enjoy the drug like feeling of being in love, I don't like being so attracted to someone. So attracted that you really need that someone. It almost feels like a drug.

    I want to feel free, not dependent. And definitely not to something I can't get.
    How do you deal with this feeling?
    What is your experience and how did you deal with it?

    Hope you get what I mean, if not feel free to ask questions.

    Peace brothers!
    Thomas
     
  2. ..Anna..

    ..Anna.. Fapstronaut

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    I am very emotional person, but kinda never fall in love and I am already in the other half of 20s. How? I put the barrier once I feel there is chemistry and don't let it go further. If I would let it out, would be too crazy, oh my...:p
     
  3. ThomasV

    ThomasV Fapstronaut

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    Haha I can see what you say. Question for you: What do you think about "but kinda never fall in love"?

    I kind of want to live with an open heart but at the same time being independent of someone. Not shure if that works.
     
  4. Rob_B_

    Rob_B_ Fapstronaut

    Love feels like a drug, because it is a drug. Great to enjoy in moderation - only, if we were any good on moderation, most of us wouldn't be here on this site... - but easy to OD on.

    You may find this article by Mark Manson interesting.
     
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  5. ..Anna..

    ..Anna.. Fapstronaut

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    If I would open my heart, I think I wouldn't fit in moderation level at all. I tried open my heart for few days- the butterflies were even painful to my stomach and the bones of my arms were in aches... I am too sensitive for in love state, at least for the early stage when there is euphoric feeling. But I haven't done anything to change that, I just avoid instead. So don't know what to suggest for keeping it normal while opening yourself...
     
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  6. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    Normally a drug is used to cover some inner pain, anxiety, whatever.
    We here all know that porn is such a drug.

    But of course, a nice young pretty and smart lady can also be that kind of drug.
    It's not her that is the problem, it's your inner insecurity or fear, that is pulling her into it.

    You have to make up your mind for yourself. What is exactly that feeling you experience?
    I was in a relationship for years, experiencing "love". But after I have processed my stuff, I saw: It wasn't love at all.
    It was my own insecurity, it was codependency, it was abandonment fear. That sort of things.

    Check it out for yourself.

    At your age you can also ask yourself the question:
    Do i like her for who she is?
    Or do I actually want to be like her on certain areas?
    What kind of things about her do you really admire?
    Then ask yourself: Are these the things I actually want by myself?
     
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  7. ThomasV

    ThomasV Fapstronaut

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    Okay no problem, thank you for your input. :)
     
  8. It sounds more like you're infatuated rather than in love. I think too many people throw around the word love every time they see someone they think is attractive. Do you know anything about her on a deeper level because love requires knowledge.

    Also your title is a statement not a question.
     
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  9. ThomasV

    ThomasV Fapstronaut

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    @Roady

    When I started reading your post, my mind was like "Naah it will not be the same for me."

    I can see what you say and definitely the last questions. I have been trying to implement these traits in myself for the last 2 months and it is going pretty well. I actually learned a lot and did a lot of new things.

    "It's not her that is the problem, it's your inner insecurity or fear, that is pulling her into it."
    The insecurity of what? Or maybe I have to find that myself?

    Thanks for you input btw
     
  10. ThomasV

    ThomasV Fapstronaut

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    "infatuated" I think that may be the good word yes.
    And we have been talking a lot about really deep stuff over the last 4 months. I know her insecurities, her deep wishes, her own inner shit that she is dealing with. Ofcourse will you ever know someone? I do not know.

    "Also your title is a statement not a question." And yes I know
     
  11. ThomasV

    ThomasV Fapstronaut

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    Well said.
    Thanks I will check it out.
    Peace brother
     
  12. No we will never know everything about someone, but we can have sufficient knowledge to be able to love someone. In the end we're all walking mysteries, sometimes even to ourselves, which I think is part of the divine image on our souls.
     
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  13. truthseeker17

    truthseeker17 Fapstronaut

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    The more time you spend with her the more these feelings will become intens..

    If you want to get away with these feelings, stay away from her. Disconnect from her completely. Keep yourself busy with stuff and people so you don't have time to look at her or check her when she is arround.

    Don't talk to her if it's not necessary, and don't fool yourself.

    Do this and you will feel after a week orso these feelings will become weaker and weaker.
     
    ThomasV likes this.
  14. ThomasV

    ThomasV Fapstronaut

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    Great article thanks for sharing
     
  15. ThomasV

    ThomasV Fapstronaut

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    10/10 well said!
     
  16. ThomasV

    ThomasV Fapstronaut

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    That's kind of the dillema, I don't know if I want these feelings to pass. She is a really inspiring person and I'm learning a lot from her. But like you say, "don't fool yourself" it will get me hurt.

    I don't like the advice, but I think it may help. I will try it, thanks for the input
     
    truthseeker17 likes this.
  17. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    Just my thought. It's up to you to do the examination :D
     
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  18. truthseeker17

    truthseeker17 Fapstronaut

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    I am sorry buddy .. but it's like holding on to something which isn't there. The pain you may feel now will be worse if you let your feelings grow.
    Sometimes the things we don't like are good for us.

    Keep searching, you will find someone who will give you all these feelings you are having now and even more. However the difference and the best part of this will be that you won't be only one experiencing this. The other person will feel the same, it will be mutual. That's something to strive for and getting inspired by!
     
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  19. ThomasV

    ThomasV Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the motivation and honest truth. I will keep your advice in mind. Thank you very much! <3
     
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  20. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Sounds more like lust than love, in my opinion... Love is work.
    Love is a whole picture.
    Lust is just a magnetism...usually sexual or physically pleasing.
    All you have to do is find a way to flip the pieces and they repel.
    (like if they do something inappropriate or unattractive - a OH! moment.)
    Instantly.
    Love is sacrifice.
    Always.
    It's always putting yourself in a second place.

    A person can lust pretty hard... Or love really deeply... But knowing the difference is really important.
     
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