Question for guys on this forum

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Caged_bird, Oct 21, 2020.

  1. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    So hello everyone..
    I am female and I really want to knows guys perspective on lot of things..
    Basically I wanna change my distorted perspective towards guys and getting genuine answer from guys may help me heal and be able to view guys from better point of view.
    So here are my questions :

    1) Do guys regret hurting a girl? If yes do they make amends or just let go?

    2)are guys materialistic when it comes to girls they wanna settle down with?

    3) why do most guys wanna flirt and play girl but wanna settle with opposite ie innocent, chaste etc

    4) why do guys hate all girls or objectify them after suffering heartbreak?

    5) how to differentiate between love and lust of guys?

    6)any advice for females regarding dating etc.



    Ps this one is not relevant but
    7) if a sexy image is shown to a guy and then he says he isn't able to remove his image from his mind... Is he into pmo? (I know it is not relevant... Sorry)
     
  2. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Some do, some don't. The ones that care about you are going to try to amend it, the ones that don't care about it are going to let it go.

    Guys in general are more attracted to a nice body and face. A woman that is fun to be with. We really don't care much about how much money the woman have. If you are broke or have a lot of debts and no job.. then you are not the best catch but if you have a job and are independent is fine.
    There are guys that are materialistic and only date wealthy woman like them and there are guys that already have a lot of money an don't care if the woman is poor but she must be really hot. There are also man that are broke and date broke woman. Those types are the minority but they are out there too.

    We want to have fun with a ****, but settle with a faithful nice girl. The first one is great for one night stands or friends with benefits kind of thing. They are not wife material because we tend to look for a nice faithful wife to have a family with. the woman that have a lot of sex with a lot of guys don't give us that family vibe we want for a wife. But for having fun they are the girls with go to.

    This is a human condition. What's behind hate? fear. Fear of not finding another person to love. "All man are the same" "All woman are the same". Both man and woman that are insecure, after a breakup have a moment of fear and automatically hate and blame all in the other sex.
    So.. either man and woman hate and use / objectify the other sex after a breakup if they are insecure.

    You have to be a detective. A guy that just want to have sex with you can trick you in several ways to get laid and disappear after that. There are others that are not that good an you can easily find out they just want a piece of you.
    A general rule of thumb, if a guy call u at last moment on a weekend to hang, he is not that into you, he was probably bored, other woman or friends cancelled on him and is looking for some action. Normally a guy that is interested in you is going to set a date with a couple of days in advance. He is going to make going out with you a high priority in his life the same way you do when you really like a guy. The guys you don't like you probably left them hanging when they ask you out, and only go out with them if all of your all plans for the weekend failed.
    The best thing you can do is forget about that and enjoy a man's company that you like. If you feel you want to have sex with him then do it. Enjoy the moment and hope for the best. If he disappear then you know right away that you dodged a bullet, he wasn't into you and he immediately give himself away. but if he keeps around after sex happens then maybe he is there for something more.

    Go out and have fun with the guys that really put and effort to go out with you. the guys that give you some priority in their life. Yes, I know, girls love the guys that don't give a f*k about you, that's how woman work, those guys trigger your emotions and for some reason make you crazy about them (the typical bad boy), but at the end of the day, that's the guys that leave you after having some sex and making you post this questions in nofp :p.

    No, he is saying that the image impacted him really hard. I don't it is related to PMO but.. if i have to bet on it.. a guy in PMO see and fap to images and videos that are stronger than a sexy image, so a sexy image is not going to move the needle for them so they are probably going to forget about it pretty quickly.
     
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  3. InTheWilderness

    InTheWilderness Fapstronaut

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    I'm a Christian, so here's a perspective from the Good Book. Many have put together a handy list. Here’s one you can easily find through a search engine. Instead of posting the image, I decided to type these out:

    Love: gives / Lust: uses
    Love: is personal / Lust: is objectifying
    Love: is honest / Lust: is devious
    Love: waits / Lust: takes
    Love: is life-giving / Lust: is lifeless
    Love: is life-long / Lust: is temporary
    Love: chooses / Lust: uses
    Love: sympathizes / Lust: criticizes
    Love: is committed / Lust: is unattached
    Love: is faithful / Lust: is disloyal
    Love: is generous / Lust: is selfish
    Love: communicates / Lust: manipulates
    Love: is deep / Lust: is shallow
    Love: is responsive / Lust: is insensitive
    Love: is pure / Lust: is impure
    Love: understands / Lust: makes demands
    Love: is kind / Lust: is blind
    Love: appreciates / Lust: intimidates
    Love: cares / Lust: dares
    Love: accepts / Lust: discards
    Love: is given / Lust: is obsessed
    Love: talks / Lust: walks
    Love: adores / Lust: keeps score

    And the Bible has a lot more to say about this. Here's one, taken from 1 Corinthians 13:

    If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends... So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

    My answer to your #5 might be more than what you have asked for, but I believe that it will serve you well if you take these to heart. These truths are not only applicable in finding a lifelong partner, but for all areas of life.

    Human by nature are very lustful and self-centered. Often you don't see this if you're single, but once you enter a relationship, that's when it all come out slowly.

    One way smart and or godly woman test the man is set a boundary: no sex before marriage. Men that are lustful will not stay long. They will run away from you as quickly as possible. It doesn't have to be sex, but I use sex because that's the ultimate test for a man to endure, and he will if he truly loves you. Now, if all you're after is just a one night stand kind of thing, or friend with benefit, then you got to ask yourself why does it even matter if he loves you or not?

    God put that tree there in the Garden to test both Adam and Eve. He told them that they could eat of any tree, except one. King David could have gotten ANY woman he desired, but instead he lusted after Bathsheba and killed her husband to cover it up. That's lust. It will even kill if it's able.

    If you set a boundary (whatever it is), and the guy loves you then he will not insist on his own way. He will be patient and understanding toward you. Here's something deeply profound that the world has gotten backward when it comes to submission. We think that submission is weak, but that's not the case:

    “I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world may know that I love the Father.” (John 14:31).

    Submission is love: “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”

    That's why children are to obey their parents. We all know what it's like when asked to do something we don't like, something as simple as take out the trash, clean up your room etc... Oh... how I wish I could go back in time to demonstrate my love for them through simple obedience. But wait, you can still demonstrate love through obedience with those around you. But it's easier said than done.

    If the guy you're with loves you, he will not insist on his own ways. "Look, I have my need as a man. I got urges. If you're not giving that to me, then I'm afraid I can't be with you any longer." What does that sound like? Love or Lust?

    Put him to the test. Disagree with him on purpose (just for fun, but don't show him that you're trying to be funny). Disagree with his political view, disagree with things he hold dear. And see how he deals with it. See how he reacts. See how he works it out with you. Put him in difficult situations/circumcstances. Why? Because you will get to see the real him under pressure. Taking him to the movie, bar, club etc.. is nothing. Everyone can put on a happy face and smile easily in those environments. But for him to wait for you and you're 30 mins late (on purpose just to see the kind of person he is)? That's just an exmaple. It's up to you to be creative in finding ways to test to find out.
     
  4. InTheWilderness

    InTheWilderness Fapstronaut

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    Again, the answer I'm giving you might be more than what you have asked for, but I believe it will serve you well because wisdom from above is timeless.

    For a man, respect and honor is very important. Many a woman do not understand this which creates a lot of problem in their relationship(s). Respect and honor is like air to a man. That's how essential and important it is. The Good Book has this to say:

    Proverbs 21:9
    “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”

    It says again in verse 19, “It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.” Proverbs 21:9 gets repeated again, verbatim, in Proverbs 25:24. Again, Proverbs 27:15 reminds men, “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike;” And again, Proverbs 19:13, “A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.“

    There are exceptions, but generally speaking and by large, men prefer (in your words) “innocent, chaste etc...” Because honor and respect...

    Proverbs 22:1
    A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold.”

    and...

    Proverbs 12:4
    An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

    An excellent wife speaks well of her husband:

    Proverbs 31:23
    Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.

    That's why inner beauty is attractive:

    1 Peter 3:3-4
    “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious

    Men might lust after beauty and pornstar-like women, but in their right minds, no man wants to settle down with one. Read Proverbs 7 if you want to get an idea of why.
     
  5. ADMG

    ADMG Fapstronaut

    A quick disclaimer: I've never dated, so I can't give answers from personal experience to a lot of these questions. The main reason I never dated, however, was because of PMO. The guilt, shame, and lies from PMO was not something that I ever wanted to take into a relationship.... and so I set it as a rule for myself. I eventually did let this rule go (with the intention of telling a girl I was dating about the problem fairly early on in the relationship), but I only showed interest in one girl before getting one heck of a cold treatment. After that, I discerned a call to the priesthood (I'm Catholic... priests are called to a life of celibacy and can't be married), and so I have guarded my heart since.

    2. With respect to your question about materialism playing a factor: the two major crushes I had in my life, money and materialism did not play any role whatsoever. Faith, intelligence, and shared world view did... (edit: oh, and physical attraction, though that should be a given, I think).

    6. With respect to your question about dating: Please, please, please... Do NOT go into a relationship to (1) fix some insecurity in yourself, or (2) with the intention to "fix" the guy in some way. I may have never dated, but I have seen a lot of my friends make these mistakes. And it always ends terribly.

    7. With respect to images staying in a guy's mind: No, this is not a sign that he is into PMO. I remember when prior to when I was into PMO, this sort of thing would happen a lot. Ideally, a guy should be trained how to deal with these sorts of images/thoughts. Because if he is not instructed how to do this, it will likely lead to PMO.
     
  6. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    Thanks @Roady and @p1n1983...
    For your wonderful perspectives.. And great advice
    It felt really great reading your answers and I feel like I needed time to absorb them before commenting

    Ya I agree. Sometimes ego comes in the way..
    A guys that asks forgiveness >>>>egoistic guy in the long run

    That's a good quality of yours..
    I appreciate it
    Dudes who are materialistic in terms of finances sound feminine to me but that compromises most dude at my place

    Wise words, 1

    Wise words 2

    Agree..


    Ya that is the point... But as a addict I feel it might be difficult for me to control myself in a relationship so I don't date at all and will not till I am almost 2 years free from this addiction. But I do fall for guys that is why I was asking this question

    Wise words 3
    I really like this advice of yours. It shows us to be assertive and putting ourselves first... Something I really lacked in past but really worked hard to develop and I must say it is amazing quality


    Wise words 4..very wise words..
    And i would like to add that if dint try to make amends don't care for them as they don't care for you...

    That's Good..

    Appreciate your honesty.. But sometimes people judge nice criteria based on girls clothes and makeup which is not good..

    Wise words 5

    Wise words 6

    I am a detective (now)
    I think you can judge a guy by testing him.. Looking at his actions instead of words..
    Looking whether he stands up for you...
    Whether he cares for you or not..
    In short whether he invests into you or not

    Wise words 6
    Wise words 6

    I think women wants affection and love.. These are strong emotions for female just like sexual attraction is for males I guess....
    So when guys make a girl feel that they love her and care for her but never actually do that.. But do opposite, it kinda makes the Girl addicted to the guy... That Is why they like (actually) obsess after a bad guy

    It is like a seductive girl triggering a guy but doing anything with him. Might make a guy mad for him (most probably I assume)

    Ps_ I am a Virgin nobody was able to play me to get s*x but I guess some dude I really loved tried lol

    Good...
    Thanks again
     
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  7. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    Thanks @ADMG
    For your perspective

    Good that's great...

    Wise word 7

    Great advice..
    Before loving someone fix all your previous issues and make sure your aren't codependent.. Or trying to fix him..

    Even I haven't dated but I have fell in love with the wrong people.
    The main reason i don't date is religion
    And i think I lack self control... I wana save myself for marriage and I think I don't wanna risk that..
    A lot of guys these days have wrong intentions and lol I am a MO addict..
    And into fantastizing a lot..
    I don't wanna do anything physical with a guy before marriage that is why I dont date..
     
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  8. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    Thanks you I will read proverbs..

    I agree men want respect more than anything.
    So i think I should settle down /marry the guy I really find high quality so that I will respect him and it will make our relationship strong. .
    And i have noticed that insecurity drives a guy mad even though he might be a good person so make sure anyone you settle with isn't insecure about you

    And i really like the quotes from proverbs
     
    One Eyed Owl likes this.
  9. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    Thanks @InTheWilderness for your perspective and detailed explanation
    Seems all the guys I fell for had lust while I had love...
    Anyways that's how we learns
    Thanks for the advice.
    But it is better to stay away from guys that have lust coz they may manipulate you to think it is love.

    I am also into religion and stuff so I ain't into one night stands..
    Wise words 8
    This definitely sounds like lust but i think in love females can get manipulated.. So they should avoid such guys.
    Wow this is amazing..
    Thanks for this wonderful piece of advice.
    Exactly we get to see the real person in pressure...
    I have one very good friends but in stressful situations he is not that caring and all together a different person..
    Thank you so much..
    I wish God give everyone true love and not lust
     
    One Eyed Owl likes this.
  10. I do regret hurting a girl by doing things in a very harsh and straightforward way. I didn't make any amends but I did apologize a lot when she sent me a friend request again (And yeah. It's online but I still regret it. I definitely didn't deal with this the right way.) What I did was basically just destroy my relationship to her. We were just friends and when I knew that what I was doing was haram and against god's will, I had to stop immediately.

    Not sure but I do my best to tell myself that It's all about the inside and that they're human too,not tools to be used. As Muslims, we settle down when we get married. You know this,though.

    Girls with kind hearts and-I guess it's best to call them body parts?I don't mean to materialize or anything. Anyway, Innocent and kind girls are viewed as weaklings that can be used for satisfaction. Some guys are like that out there,there's no questioning that. I do sometimes picture myself in a situation like flirting but I do remember what I had done because I went in too deep with the relationship I once had. To be be frank, The only thing I used with the relationship I once had with that girl is the experience and proof that the way I do/say things impact the results of my actions down the road. I was very kind to that girl. She deserved it. I meant them words but It had to stop in the end.

    Probably because it's a pain to deal with a barrel over filled with emotions. You never know what's coming next. When she sent me a friend request just a month ago, she said that I was a last night thought, that she was curious to what she's been missing out on by me not being a friend of hers. That was going against my decision to never friend girls for the sake of just being friends because down the road things will evolve and so will the relationship so It's better to not to get started at all then to end something mid-way.

    Not sure. I have confirmed my POV with 3 people in total. True love begins after marriage. My father and mother agreed with me on that. My best friend agreed with me on that. At this point, I'm convinced by the thing I feel I call love is just horniness. Not saying that some relationships out there are made of lust but some of them are. It's very unique to find a relationship made out of pure love like something from a Romance Anime. It's just unreal. Lust is to be used upon usable things, not people. ( This is all,again, my opinion.)

    Not sure I can be of help in the dating department but I'm here to remind that muslims aren't allowed to date opposite sex for the sake of dating or seeing each other. There must be a real reason to conversate with women. For me,at least. And that's how it should be. That's the way of the straight path,believe it or not.
    upload_2020-10-22_14-48-9.png
    We are believers. It has to be done this way.

    Maybe the image is burned into his mind...? It's a sexy image and not gonna lie, I do have difficulty shaking off the sights I used to look at when I was a full-time PMOer but now? It's not that appealing.

    If anything was offensive to you or to anyone, do know that I'm doing this because I'm sticking to the ways of a true Muslim,not to piss people off or to show off. I'm doing this for my sake, not for others sake. Because if the prophet was among us...Would he approve of my way of handling these situations? And that's what makes me think again about how my actions can cause damage to others.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 22, 2020
  11. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    Thanks @TheStranger..
    I really liked Muslim perspectives on the topic...
    Actually I generalized the thing so that guys could relate to it.

    That's good..
    In my Case the guy apologized as well.

    Respect the honesty..
    I know of many guys who are materialistic.. And it isnt a good quality coz men are supposed to be providers not other way around...
    So in my opinion if women is materialistic it's kinda okay because she has to live with that person.. He has to b able to provide for her

    Great idea.
    I know. I wanted to generalized things

    True... But the guys above were of the opinions that they go after sl*t type girls for such stuff but settle with a good girl..
    Sometimes guys kinda use /intend to use a kind girl and that is sad.
    But this is world it isn't fair

    True...
    Even I cut my contacts with almost every Mahram..
    And i learned if you don't wanna settle down don't start

    Pov means? Point of view

    I agree with this...
    Wise words.

    I know this in sha Allah i will (and I have) cut my contacts with all males.. Wanna settle down ie marry with a good guy

    I think pmoers get trigggered by sexy image more than normal Ppl..
    The image wasnt even that triggering... Just a lot of cl*vage but full dress and this guy was made after seeing that girl..
    Wanted to confirm whether he was into pmo or not..
    It is not that I judge him but I wanna stay away from lusty guys.. (you know why).

    Thanks a lot brother. Your answer really inspired me.
    May allah bless you
     
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  12. Respect.
    I guess it's not but It's pointless to have such thoughts. That the world is unfair. Because we can't really do anything about it being unfair. We just try to make things around us as fair as possible.
    The right thing to do. Well done.
    Yep.
    Glad to hear that.
    I wish you luck in finding the man that should fulfill your needs.
    A lusty guy would ask for more images,that's how you know if he's lusty or not. I haven't seen anything that revealing in a while and I don't plan on seeing anything anyway.
    Anytime,sister. I'm glad my answered were helpful.
    May allah bless you as well.
     
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  13. InTheWilderness

    InTheWilderness Fapstronaut

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    @Fighter_4_life ,

    Men that don’t fear God, [generally] don’t care about how they use women either. If there’s no God (in their worldview), then there’s no accountability in the afterlife. So why not enjoy life, and sleep with many women as possible? Paul made a similar point: If Christ has not been raised, then who cares about how we live in this life. Who cares if I sleep with this or that woman. Like seriously, I could just go on a dating app and hook up with someone... But Christ has risen indeed, and I will stand before Him one day to give an account for all that I do in this life.

    Acts 17:30-31
    The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent, because he has fixed a day on which he will judge the world in righteousness by a man whom he has appointed; and of this he has given assurance to all by raising him from the dead.”

    Ecclesiastes 12:13-14
    The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.

    1 Corinthians 15:16-32
    And if there is no resurrection of the dead, then Christ has not been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, then your faith is useless and you are still guilty of your sins. In that case, all who have died believing in Christ are lost! And if our hope in Christ is only for this life, we are more to be pitied than anyone in the world. ... And what value was there in fighting wild beasts—those people of Ephesus—if there will be no resurrection from the dead? And if there is no resurrection, “Let’s feast and drink, for tomorrow we die!”

    That's why Proverbs ends with this note: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” A man or woman who truly fear the LORD is to be praised! He or She “is far more precious than jewels.” (Proverbs 31:10). We see many examples of that throughout the Scriptures. Job is one example that stands out:

    Job 1:1
    There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job, and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil.

    The guy you're dating or going out with, ask yourself, "Who does he fear?" Joseph was a very handsome young man! One day he was alone with a woman and had the house all to themselves. She wanted to sleep with him, and insisted that he come to bed with her. I can tell you that in this situation, 99.99999% of men would give in to the temptation and ravish the woman. If anything goes wrong, he could just blame it on the woman, "She tempted me. Day in and day out she insisted that I come to bed with her. My hormone was high and I was lonely, so I gave in." But Joseph (a very handsome young man!) didn't, he ran out the house as quickly as he could. Why? He feared God and God was with him. You can read this account in [Genesis 39].

    The fear of God is truly a beautiful thing. Society today, and especially in the dating/marriage world, is going down hill because we have lost the fear of God. When there's no fear of God, then everyone is right in their own eyes.

    Job 28:28
    ‘Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom, and to turn away from evil is understanding.’

    Proverbs 1:7
    The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.

    Who does your man fear? Only the fear of God can draw both of you together in marriage.

    Now, having read all that I have said so far up to this point, you might be thinking to yourself, "Does that mean I need to find a PERFECT man?" Well, actually no. No one is perfect. Even the most godliest man or woman is not perfect. We're all a work in progress.

    That excerpt is taken from: The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why? by Gary Thomas. Excellent book! Pick up a copy if you’re on a sacred search.

    It's not perfection in a man that you should be looking for, but humility and humbleness. Couples will disagree on many things, even while married. But without humility, we can not grow together. We can't be corrected, and we can't receive instructions if we're prideful. God gives grace to the humble (James 4:6). It is the fear of God and humility that is the key. There are those who fear God but are full of pride (we call them Pharisees). So becareful if the man you're with think he's perfect or sinless, has no flaw and thinks that you're the problem and that it's all your fault and usually point the finger at you OR if you perceive him as perfect. Be careful because the wisest man who ever lived (Solomon) said this: “for there is no one who does not sin...” (1 Kings 8:46). Again, “For there is not a just man on earth who does good and does not sin.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20). Look for the spirit of humility, not perfection.

    And now to my last point: Seek counsels from others. As you can see, the Bible is full of wisdom and insight into the heart of man and woman. Here's another one:

    Proverbs 14:15
    The simple believes every word, But the prudent considers well his steps.

    A good friend of mine fell for a man who played along. So yes, there are men out there who will play your religious game. In fact, we're warned about it in Proverbs 7!

    Proverbs 7:6-15
    For at the window of my house I have looked out through my lattice, and I have seen among the simple, I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense, passing along the street near her corner, taking the road to her house in the twilight, in the evening, at the time of night and darkness. And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart. She is loud and wayward; her feet do not stay at home; now in the street, now in the market, and at every corner she lies in wait. She seizes him and kisses him, and with bold face she says to him, “I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows; so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you…

    What a religious woman, but the same goes for man. Here's another piece of wisdom:

    1 Timothy 5:24-25
    Remember, the sins of some people are obvious, leading them to certain judgment. But there are others whose sins will not be revealed until later. In the same way, the good deeds of some people are obvious. And the good deeds done in secret will someday come to light.

    With some people, it's obvious what they're all about, but then there are people out there that's a bit tricky to discern. In churches, before they appoint someone as a pastor/elder, you know what they do? They put them to the test first. It doesn't matter if they claim to be a Christian or fear God. They will test the person first to see if he's fit for the role. We put in so much time researching and asking around when we buy a house or a car. Yet when it comes to a lifelong partner, most of us don't even bother researching/testing! Somehow we think we're experts! Infatuation blinds. That's why the simple believes every word... “with her enticing speech she caused him to yield, with her flattering lips she seduced him. Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks, till an arrow struck his liver. As a bird hastens to the snare, he did not know it would cost his life.” (Proverbs 7:21-23).

    Time will reveal all things so be patient. Observe how he treats his parents, how he interacts with others. Listen carefully what others say about him. Get others involved, get outside perspective on your relationship/dating, because the prudent considers well her steps. How? Here's one of the ways:

    Proverbs 11:14
    Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.

    Don't judge by the external because it can be deceiving. Time and pressure will reveal the heart.
     
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  14. 1) Do guys regret hurting a girl? If yes do they make amends or just let go?

    It depends, I mean everybody's different. but I think in the great majority they regret their mistakes.

    2)are guys materialistic when it comes to girls they wanna settle down with?

    I'm 23 years old and I'm still in personal construction. I can't really answer this question. But it goes much further than the material side of things. It's very emotional.

    3) why do most guys wanna flirt and play girl but wanna settle with opposite ie innocent, chaste etc

    The truth is that it depends on the girl they have in front of them. Personally with some girls I know that I would want to be in a relationship. But with others I only feel desire. There's nothing else. I'll put nothing else into the relationship but fun and flirting and cool moments. But no long term plans.

    It's important to be able to distinguish the two and not get attached to just anyone. And on the contrary to know how to get in a long term relationship when it's worth it.

    I think this is the big problem for most men. They don't know how to listen to their needs so they hurt girls because they don't know what they really want. And they are afraid to show their emotion. They prefer to hide them rather than show what they want for fear of being rejected.
    I think it's important for men to approach the girls they like in their everyday life and to have life plans because otherwise they don't know who they are and hurt ppl.

    4) why do guys hate all girls or objectify them after suffering heartbreak?

    Because they are not ok with who they are. They haven't taken responsibility for their lives. Someone who really loves themselves for who they are does not feel the need to hurt people. It all comes from within.

    5) how to differentiate between love and lust of guys?

    What is the difference between a non-serious relationship and a serious (couple) relationship?

    With a non-serious relationship you don't have a future together. With a serious relationship you are looking for something in the medium/long term.
    If this man is really trying to find out who you are. If he's projecting himself with you in the future. I think that's the most telling clue. If he's talking about a near or distant future with you.
    It has nothing to do with the tenderness he shows you when you spend time together. I'm seeing a girl right now, there's nothing serious but we really like each other and we feel tenderness for each other. But we don't talk about a future together.

    But again, some men don't know what they want and will act contrary to their feelings. They may tell you that they want love with you but think the opposite. They can tell you, oh we should go on vacation on a desert island together but deep down he just wants to use you to satisfy his need that comes from a lack of self-esteem.

    You have to confront them very quickly with their responsibility and ask them concretely "what do you want from us? I won't judge you, I won't reject you, but I need to know what you want."

    6)any advice for females regarding dating etc.

    As soon as you are in doubt about what he wants, talk to him. And if he's not clear in his answer, let it go.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2020
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  15. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    Thanks @SPIRITUSS for this answer

    Ya that is good..

    Good luck with your future

    Wise words..
    Thanks for advice.

    Sad truth..

    Wise words

    Wise words

    I think if you will make guys comfortable they will speak truth... Half of it if not whole..

    People are manipulative but lot of guys aren't that good in manipulating and making excuses this thing is common in girls
     
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  16. Yes, another interesting thing that most people are aware of without ever admitting it to themselves is that we meet people who are in the same mental state as us.

    When I was the little guy with a lack of confidence I met girls who were too. It's hard to admit it but when someone of the opposite sex hurts us, it's maybe our own image that we have of ourselves that we have to question.
    And I agree that it's a horrible idea to admit :/ But from my experience after 3 years of talking to girls I like on the street, that's what I concluded.

    When we feel good about ourselves, when we can look at ourselves in the mirror and say "I like who I am", we no longer meet people who will hurt us but people who also love themselves for who they are.
    This is my opinion, it can be debated :)
     
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  17. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    This one was really amazing ...
    You seemed to be connected to God the most and it's very good quality especially concerning the era..
    Even i am trying to improve my spirituality..

    Exactly.. a person is if he fears God he won't harm others.. At least intentionally

    Inspiring..

    Joseph prayed to God for help when she seduced him and that Is what we should all do.. Seek help from God..
    We human are weak but our strength comes from God
    "Ward off their guile from me. If you do not ward off their guile from me,i may yield to them and become one of the ignorant" - Joseph's prayer

    100% true..
    Esp the line
    "when there is no fear of God everyone is right in their own eyes"

    Will do

    Wise words..

    That is what I m doing

    Very nice

    Testing people is the key...
    I should really put these things to practice

    Wise words..
    Indeed in abundance of counselors there is always safety... That Is what I was and I am trying to do...
    It was a good answer
    Thanks for answering it
     
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  18. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    It is 100% true in my case
    Who attract who you are.
    (or who you think you are).
    Sometimes it is shocking but ppl I have fallen for were like me (on outer level)
    One explanation is like our subconscious mind likes similarity, it precincts it safe..

    And ya we are responsible for our choice we make.. Can't deny it
     
  19. 1) Do guys regret hurting a girl? If yes do they make amends or just let go?
    Depends on the guy. Me personally, I felt very bad (and still do) when I hurt a girl (she had a crush on me and I asked her out while I was drunk, then I told her the truth, that I don't like her :( ). I guess I've sorta made amends, I've tried to set her up with guys, I occasionally talk to her when she's upset, etc. I guess it depends on the girl too. If I hurt a very toxic girl then I probably wouldn't give a fuck. I'm pretty sure I speak for many guys , but obviously not all.

    2)are guys materialistic when it comes to girls they wanna settle down with?
    Depends on the guy again. I know a lot of people who just want to a girl to "look good next to" and casually fuck and nothing more. I also know a lot of guys who actually want to settle down and have a serious relationship. I somewhat want to settle down. I'd like a serious relationship, but I'm not interested in getting married or having kids (at least not yet). Most married people tell me to never get married lmao.

    3) why do most guys wanna flirt and play girl but wanna settle with opposite ie innocent, chaste etc
    ??

    4) why do guys hate all girls or objectify them after suffering heartbreak?
    I'm sure you would hate men for a while if one you truly loved broke your heart.

    5) how to differentiate between love and lust of guys?
    For me personally, when I'm lusting for a girl I act very naughty around her and make my intentions clear (only ever done it on text though). When I actually like a girl though, I'm nervous and try to act my best. Just me.

    6)any advice for females regarding dating etc.
    - Pleaseee approach us first or at least flirt with us till we get the message clearly xD
    - Dress nicely
    - Exercise and eat healthy (hard for us to resist a nice body)
    - Be confident (nothing sexier than a confident girl haha) but not arrogant. Be humble but not insecure. Be yourself most importantly.
    - DO NOT talk about your exes too much. I cannot stress this enough it gets annoying.

    7) if a sexy image is shown to a guy and then he says he isn't able to remove his image from his mind... Is he into pmo? (I know it is not relevant... Sorry)
    ...no? A fun test my friend uses to see if people are into pmo is playing the p0rnnhub intro music and asking them if they recognise it. Mother fucker exposed so many people including myself and one of the teachers hahaha.
     
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  20. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    Well thanks @Killbane for your point of view I really enjoyed it especially the last part...
    That was Amazing test out there thanks for sharing..
    I might use that to test a guy if I wanna settle down/marry
    Not that I judge pmo people or think bad of them but I fear getting objectified... And cheated on
    That's great you must be a good soul then..
    That's good approach
    I know that.. I meant materialistic as in gold digger types.. Going for a rich or well settled girl instead.


    I totally get that..thnx

    You are very straightforward.. Good

    Thnxx but why not taking about ex.. I have heard that many time..
    I don't mind guys talking about their ex /past love but why does it bother a guy

    That is amazing.. Can't thank you enough for this...
    Wow...
     
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