Question for guys on this forum

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Caged_bird, Oct 21, 2020.

  1. TARS

    TARS Fapstronaut

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    As a guy with a perspective... I'm going to wade in here and hopefully offer some unique insights based on my experiences.

    1. My greatest regret comes from hurting a girl. I wasn't able to "let go" until I made amends - even though it was almost three years later. It took me a while to feel this regret. For awhile I didn't feel anything. Guys emotions can be not as well integrated in the way they think as girls are.
    Reconciling was the hardest thing and also - I think - the most important thing I've ever done.

    2. I don't think I am very much - at my best. I want to marry a girl who I can serve well and will push me to grow.

    3. Speaking from personal experience: I think its because guys don't want to be rejected, and a girl who is flirty makes guys feel accepted without risk.
    As far as I'm concerned, innocent and chaste are good, but first important to me is finding a girl who is humble and honestly strives towards what is good.

    4. I'm not completely sure on this point but I can theorize. It may be a way of rejecting responsibility for the heartbreak. A guy might try to make every girl the way they must be for him to think of himself as blameless.

    5. If a guy is motivated by lust he will be thinking about what he can get and how he can get it. If it's love he will be looking for things to do for you - only for your sake. His actions won't be motivated by what he can get from you. If you think he isn't motivated by love for you, challenge him on it.

    6. This answer will probably be flavoured by my personality quite a bit... It's become quite a list so pick out whatever resonates with you.
    Be forward. Be honest. Communicate when something is wrong; don't always expect him to figure it out. Don't play games; don't test him. Don't flirt with other guys; but don't let him tell you that if he is overly insecure. Set boundaries that are important to you, and if he loves you he'll respect them. Help him foster his other relationships. Don't take excuses; push him to be open. Have grace for the things you don't understand; guys think differently. Don't compromise on what is most important to you. Don't be guilted into anything. Don't let him change you into what he wants, but grow together. Expect the best, but be gracious

    7. Just ask him about it. If he's honest and takes it seriously, that's a good sign. Every guy I've ever met struggles with lust. Some embrace it, and some fight. If he is into porn you'll probably be able to see the signs in his character - secretive/dishonest, arrogant, selfish, etc.

    Cheers,
    TARS
     
  2. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    Thanks @TARS.. For good answer
    I hope you are okay..

    Same here..
    I also wanna find a guy like that

    Wise words

    Maybe ..

    Thanks for the wonderful advice...
    Really informative and practical

    This is what every girl should know before entering a dating world...
    Thanks for the advice..
    And thanks for the time you took to write this answer..
    :)
     
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  3. Havent read all the comments yet but let me answer your questions as good as I can.

    1) It depends on the guys personality type but I hate hurting girls. I can sometimes hurt just as much as the girl even if she is on the receiving end. I also hate it when I screw up because that hurts both me and the girl. Sometimes I have to let the girl go because I cant stand the pain. I can leave for say 45 days and then message her and ask if we can still just be friends.

    2) Maybe PMO makes it look that way but I hate objectifying women. I usually go for the hot ones because I am a pretty likable dude and got a shot. But I dont care about her looks if she is crazy, or her money or anything. What I usually end up falling in love with is her personality.

    3) There is some sort of game going on with the hot girls at least. They wont ever make it easy. So as a guy, I have to play on her emotions somewhat. She has to feel some mix of emotions or she will somehow loose interest. I also have to keep my options open in case my first pick runs away. No girl is perfect but falling in love and having your heart ripped out absolutely sucks.

    4) I never hate a girl after a bad breakup or whatever. I hate the fact that she doesn't feel the same and I can get emotional in the moment. What I often end up doing is cutting out all contact, deleting her number or whatever and watch sad Netflix series for a few weeks. That is for my own sake. I cant take the pain but of course, if I get my shit together I will reach out again and ask to be friends at a later point. It usually works out fine. I just need a lot of space to come to terms with it first.

    5) Love and lust is pretty close to each others. But love is deep. I dont usually sleep with a girl I dont really like. If I do, I make it 100% clear what this is before.

    6) If you really like a guy, make sure to show him. Not necessarily tell him straight away but dont play so hard to get. Give him a couple chances if he messes up. Remember that he is probably as insecure as you are.
     
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  4. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    Sorry for the late reply @NF SINCE BIRTH..
    I forget to reply at that time..
    I could quite relate to your personality type.. I mean I think similar to you in lot of ways that's good
    Even I hurt hurting guys but with time I learned to make myself priority and if the situation demand me to walk away, I do. I don't think how hurt other person is..
    Wasn't like this before but learned the hard way

    Good...


    Great insight..
    Wise words....
    I also try to keep my defenses up coz as you said falling in love and having your heart ripped out sucks...
    Same usually that goes
    Same

    Thats good, respect

    Thank you, wise words
     
  5. It depends on the guy . Some people have no empathy, it is more about his personality than his gender .
    No . Real men wants attractive in very natural state with righteously submissive, kid-like personality . Real men want the paper and the things themselves, no handouts .
    Once a girl had been with couple of guys, she really is not wify material .
    They hurt .
    If he supports you, he loves you .
    Go out with real men . People you feel they gonna protect you physically, mentally . Someone you are proud to be around with . And again, IF HE SUPPORTS you, he loves you . That is the only thing . He wants for you to fulfil your potential and to be happy not only with him, but to be happy with yourself .

    Good men are out there if you are smart . Have self-esteem and choose wisely . You can see in a men eyes he is ''about it'' or ''not'' .
     
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  6. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    Thanks @Leader of ME for your answer :) and sharing your advices
    I agree with you.. Especially the fact that it is more about his personality than gender

    Alright but that's bad coz sometimes people have past and they wanna change.. But i guess that's how things are

    I can understand

    Wise words,
    If he cares for you, he loves you

    Thank you for your wise words...
    Will remember it
     
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  7. You know a broken glass cannot be repaired exactly .

    Here gender matters . Women tend to hold on to their past lovers and men are more like ''whatever'' . It is biology and psychology . Women with sexual past are kind of unchangeable , that's why it is haram . Men are more flexible in this department but again best option is both to be pure and be with just one another, which is miracle due to the fact that hypergamy , you know .
     
  8. No problem :) Thanks for answering. I think I learned something from this as well.
     
  9. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    Well, I have no experience in this department..
    I have never dated to b frank enough..
    Yes, I have loved..
    Sorry for late reply..

    Yes, I agree..on the part that women hold on to their ex lovers..
    Rest i don't have any sexual experience with a guy nor wanna have it before marriage.. So i really can't say..
    But you could be true.. Sexual past would really be damaging to women. People can change but that will take years..
    So yeah...
    Thanks for telling me that men are forgetful of their ex lovers and are like "whatever"... Wise worlds
     
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  10. Kevin Logan

    Kevin Logan Fapstronaut

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    It's depends! I don't feel bad in hurt a person that deserves, no matter the gender.

    No

    I didn't understand your question

    I think that you are projecting

    Love is when you genuinely like the person, not just for sex.
    Lust is when you only want to fuck the person

    Just exist

    Project management office?
     
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  11. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    Thanks Kevin Logan for your answers
    Good

    Good

    Meaning guys have different criteria for dating a girl and different criteria for settling down with a girl..

    I get that

    Ya but my question was how will the other gender come to know whether guys have love or lust

    We do

    Didn't get that
     
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  12. Kevin Logan

    Kevin Logan Fapstronaut

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    What pmo means?
     
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  13. ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut

    PMO means the act of Porn —> Masturbation —> Orgasm.
     
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  14. Kevin Logan

    Kevin Logan Fapstronaut

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    thanks

    Yes

    No, they don't
     
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  15. AnthonyyVibess

    AnthonyyVibess Fapstronaut

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    You gotta check the actual quote lol i answered in the quote sorry and for the last question . . . It’s not that black and white. Tbh we’re all a lil “into pmo”. It’s a natural body’s function to see something arousing and want to release the tension. If you’re asking if he’s an addict lol then again no it’s not that black and white. If he’s allowing that image to disrupt daily routines and affect his health then it’s very possible
     
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  16. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    Honestly speaking..
    Yours is a very good advice..
    I loved reading every but of your advice tbh
    The only problem is that you wrote in quotes so I could not quote this message..

    I really liked answer to part 1
    Sometimes moving on is the best thing you can do...
    I liked the dating advice you gave, 90 day rule and all..
    And you assume to be single unless he asks to settle down..
    And the thing I liked most was the answer to questions no 3..
    Enforce your boundaries and lets see whether a guy will change his approach or not to see whether he is truly into girls or not...

    Thanks again for your answer and it was very very good, helpful and informative :)
    Loved to read the wise tips :)
     
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  17. Very interesting thread, real food for thought. I'm a Catholic person but I appreciate the different religions points of views in harmony.
     
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  18. Caged_bird

    Caged_bird Fapstronaut

    Ya exactly.. Learned a lot from guys in this thread..
    I am Muslim but I also appreciate different religious views..
    I believe if you remove the religion from the equation almost all men and women kinda think and want the same things with regards to opposite gender..
    I really like reading all the replies here they are all wonderful..
    And i am glad that you appreciated it
     
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  19. AnthonyyVibess

    AnthonyyVibess Fapstronaut

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    Glad i could help in some way ! :)
     
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  20. quit@porn

    [email protected] Fapstronaut

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