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Question for partners of addicts

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by workinprogresss, Aug 31, 2017.

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  1. Aug 31, 2017 #1
    workinprogresss

    workinprogresss Fapstronaut

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    Okay. Here it goes. Im in a relationship of 4.5 yeara now, i love her very much, shes funny, inteligent, attractive and VERY sexual.
    Because of my addiction (wich i recently discovered is one, only about 25 days ago) ive neglected sexual attention to her (its been about 5 months o once a month sex, sometimes less). And now we are here: ive confessed my problem, told her when i relapsed, and she seems to be drifting away from me. She no longer feels sexual towards me, probably because of all the rejection she had to endure from me, and i no longer know what to do. Im trying to stay cool, to be confident and secure about myself and i tell myself that if she leaves is because she no longer wanted me, but some part of myself (the selfdestructive part) is shouting how this is all my fault, how i messed up having the greatest woman in the world by my side, how i always do this with everything.


    I guess my question here is: do you guys have any advice on how to be supportive of her but not weak and whimpy, and at the same time start lighting our fire again?


    Thank yall and god bless
     
    workinprogresss, Aug 31, 2017
    workinprogresss, Aug 31, 2017
    #1
  2. Aug 31, 2017 #2
    Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

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    So you relapsed...
    What exactly are you doing for your Reboot?
    What is in your Reboot tool box?
     
    Kenzi, Aug 31, 2017
    Kenzi, Aug 31, 2017
    #2
  3. Aug 31, 2017 #3
    workinprogresss

    workinprogresss Fapstronaut

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    Well... honestly not much. I try to get on NoFap as soon as i get urges or ocuppy myself. Because of my job i tend to have a lot of free time and that is pretty dangerous to myself. I havent tried to talk to her about urges since i feel she could hardly accept that this addiction exists.
    To be honest i was on 17 days straight and what killed me was distance. I was on a work related trip and just being far away made so anxious. Not an excuse just saying i get the trigger. Loneliness and spare time.
     
    workinprogresss, Aug 31, 2017
    workinprogresss, Aug 31, 2017
    #3
  4. Aug 31, 2017 #4
    Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

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    If you aren't doing anything, she sees you not making any progress.
    You are in a cycle... Only you can break out.
    My SO relapsed once and I told him to "fix it" or I was leaving.
    I wasn't kidding.
    He created all of these things to do to get better.
    He's been sober a year and a half.
    I see him everyday working on himself.
    Perhaps that's what you both need.
     
    Kenzi, Aug 31, 2017
    Kenzi, Aug 31, 2017
    #4
    Hopefulgirl likes this.
  5. Aug 31, 2017 #5
    Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

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    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/rock-stars-lists.124256/

    This is the link to Rock Star's Lists.
    Rock Star is my SO.
    These are the things he did to Reboot.
    Technically, he's still rebooting because he's doing a custom Reboot of over 3 years.
    These are his tools.
    Ask me any questions if you have them.
    Use and apply any of the things he compiled to your situation.
    Maybe it will help.
     
    Kenzi, Aug 31, 2017
    Kenzi, Aug 31, 2017
    #5
    workinprogresss likes this.
  6. Aug 31, 2017 #6
    Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, you need to want her more than porn. Relapsing shows her energetically that you prefer porn. Even if you don't tell her. Women know.
     
    Hopefulgirl, Aug 31, 2017
    Hopefulgirl, Aug 31, 2017
    #6
    LizzyBlanca, workinprogresss and Queen_Of_Hearts_13 like this.
  7. Sep 1, 2017 #7
    Spiff

    Spiff Fapstronaut

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    You guys have been together a while - she probably knows your character pretty well - don't worry about appearing weak and wimpy. Humility might be exactly what you need right now. Humility will show her that you really feel like you made a mistake. If you really want her to stay - humility might be the only way.

    Do everything you can to show her that you truly are choosing her over everything else. Tell her all about the addiction - not necessarily the details of what you were into - but inform her about the science of addiction and about what your recovery will look like.

    I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship - even if it isn't entirely your fault it certainly sounds like you've been doing your best to sabotage. Listen to your instinct - don't let your ego or your pride take over and just watch this woman walk away. Go after her, taking charge but in a kind and humble sort of way.
     
    Spiff, Sep 1, 2017
    Spiff, Sep 1, 2017
    #7
    phuck-porn!, Queen_Of_Hearts_13 and workinprogresss like this.

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