Question for the ladies: how do you feel about guys masturbating in moderation? (w/o porn)

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Aaron_0, Feb 18, 2016.

In what situation is it alright for men to masturbate? (without porn)

  1. It is always alright, provided it doesn't affect his normal sexual function

    12 vote(s)
    26.1%
  2. It is alright if he's horny, but she's unavailable (on vacation, tired, etc.)

    4 vote(s)
    8.7%
  3. It's alright only in a completely sexless relationship

    3 vote(s)
    6.5%
  4. It's alright only if he is single

    3 vote(s)
    6.5%
  5. It's never ok.

    24 vote(s)
    52.2%
  1. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    MEN: please do not vote in the poll. Click view results to see the results. If you vote by accident (or because you don't care), please post, identify yourself as a male, and tell us how you voted so we can take it into account.

    I realize there is some inherent sexism in the way the question is phrased, but there have been double standards about this throughout history, it is possible to feel differently about the masturbation of others than about ones own, etc. This survey is more about culture than biology, in any case, and male masturbation does seem to be much more frequent than female masturbation.

    If someone wants to do the reverse of this poll to even things out, or some other, less sexist formulation, I'd welcome and encourage it.

    I tried to cover common scenarios where this question might arise. I'd welcome commentary.
     
  2. jatar

    jatar Fapstronaut

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    Interesting survey, curious to see what the results will be (I'm male so obviously I didn't vote).

    One question: do you assume that the masturbation is to porn or just masturbation without porn? I think you might get different answers depending on which one you're asking about.
     
  3. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    Without.
     
  4. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    @jatar good point, though. I've edited the topic to reflect that. I guess relatively few women are OK with porn. Certainly on NoFap, in any case.
     
  5. TheWife

    TheWife Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    I'm okay with masterbation, as long as i am satisfied in our sex life. Unfortunately i spent many many nights being turned down so he could enjoy PMO. I have a higher sex drive than he does and i have needs too.
    We have an agreement that for now all our sexual energy is only directed towards each other. Until such time as we get a healthy mutually satisfying sex life it will rest like this.
    Many of the women i have spoken to whose partners are addicts are in similar situations to me. A lot of sex starved partners out there...
     
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  6. The Eleven

    The Eleven Fapstronaut

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    I'll also be very interested to see the results of the poll, but I suspect most women would respond "it depends", much like @TheWife did. Because most of us are here because M has gotten in the way of a healthy, satisfying sex life. And for a lot of us, the path back to a healthy, satisfying sex life (based on an authentic, loving relationship with out SO), does not allow for M.
     
    about a girl likes this.
  7. BMDirty

    BMDirty Fapstronaut

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    Every SO I've had has been very uncomfortable with the idea of my MO. The girl I'm with now has taken it the best, but less because she is alright with it, and more because she trusts me when I say "I just couldn't help it, and it has nothing to do with how beautiful or sexy you are."
     
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  8. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah. That's a problem.

    My long-term goal (other than quitting porn completely) with NoFap, as a single guy, is to get MO to a moderate level (few times a week), on a calendar schedule, and if I ever have a partner, to only use MO when I can't have her (an again, not in excess of a fixed number of times per week). Of course, If she wasn't cool with that, I'd try to cut it out of my life completely -- though I have to admit, I would be less inclined to care about her opinion of my MO if it were a sex-starved relationship.
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2016
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  9. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    I am glad that you proposed this poll. I have been off porn for a while now and no longer find it a challenge. Sexytime in movies or books is more difficult but I can resist it. What is really difficult for me and what usually causes me to relapse is fantasizing...about real women. Not in pornstar settings or anything. Just pure lust based on the fact that I find most women beautiful, different as they from each other. Does M'ing to that count? For the record, I do prefer real sex but the women I want are not always available, mainly because complications might ensue if I pursue them. Wanted to know what members felt about that.
     
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  10. about a girl

    about a girl Fapstronaut

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    @Aaron_0
    I think mo is ok in a relationship as long as it doesn't cause a wedge between a couples sexual relationship ....
     
  11. The Eleven

    The Eleven Fapstronaut

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    Does it count as what? If you're not using P, then I guess it's not PMO. But if you M, it counts as M no matter what you're watching/looking at/thinking about.
     
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  12. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    You are right. Sorry I should have phrased it better. We are all here because of the damage that PMO has caused us. I guess my question was a) whether just M'ing as I described above is in the same category as PMO and b) how do women feel about it?
     
  13. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    Not that too many women have appeared in this thread yet at all, but I notice that none who vote "never ok" have posted. I wonder if they all feel that way for religious reasons (totally valid), or if there are some other reasons why a person might feel that way.
     
  14. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    That's the real kicker, isn't it?

    I think a lot of girls who have come to accept that virtually all guys MO may still be uncomfortable with it at a subconscious level (and I can't say I blame them, given the cultural stigma), and it may cause some women to have less sex drive towards their partners because they think their behavior is somehow dirty or gross. This could very easily result in fewer sexual encounters, more masturbation, etc.

    It could also happen if both partners are MOing regularly and both find that their desire for the other is lessened.

    I kind of think sex is an important part of most marital/long-term-partner relationships, even if one or both of the partners doesn't feel like they want it. I think that strengthens the bond between people, and should be considered part of "relationship maintenance" even if one or both partners aren't into it every time.

    On the other hand, I'm not saying that this should be used to strong-arm either partner into sex constantly, but I would say that couples in the prime of life who aren't having sex several times a week should seriously consider that they might be letting their relationship break down.

    (and I realize about disabled people who can't have sex, but still have fulfilling relationships. I just think physically healthy couples should probably be having a fair amount of sex, amiright?)
     
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  15. about a girl

    about a girl Fapstronaut

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    You are correct ! A good fair amount of sex in a physically healthy relationship is important .... In my opinion love making is the cement that bonds lovers together ♡
     
  16. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

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    My first thought was 'And I shall find them all' then I realized it would be kinda terrifying to find a girl/ woman with a higher sex drive than me, considering mine is already, over the top.
    Guess I'm lucky to be single.

    *cries in a corner
     
  17. theGECK

    theGECK Fapstronaut

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    @about a girl basically says what I think. As long as the couple is open about it and it doesn't drive a wedge between them, then it's all fair game. But if it's affecting the sex life they have together, then I'd start to say there's something wrong and it needs to change.
     
  18. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    I think the ideal thing would be to find someone who complements and balances you. If you feel your sex drive is too high, you might be best served by someone who makes you exercise some self-control!
     
  19. wildwood

    wildwood Fapstronaut

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    Nope! I have a very high sex drive and waiting for sex with your partner is awesome. Instead of "well I'm just gonna do it now since I don't want to wait" is just instant gratification. Waiting is exciting, having someone else touch you is much more pleasurable. Add addiction and there is no longer a healthy amount. We have to be realistic, an alcoholic or substance abuse can't go back. Mo is not an option. It's a gateway back to the bull shit. I can never have skype sex with anyone ever again because it's a gateway into my addiction. And I'm okay with that. It's sad..being alone and getting off by yourself when you have a partner waiting for you. Fuck that! Just my two cents :)
     
  20. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    What about cases where you don't have a partner waiting for you (and, in my case, are not keen to find one)?
     

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