Question for the ladies: how do you feel about guys masturbating in moderation? (w/o porn)

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Aaron_0, Feb 18, 2016.

In what situation is it alright for men to masturbate? (without porn)

  1. It is always alright, provided it doesn't affect his normal sexual function

    12 vote(s)
    26.1%
  2. It is alright if he's horny, but she's unavailable (on vacation, tired, etc.)

    4 vote(s)
    8.7%
  3. It's alright only in a completely sexless relationship

    3 vote(s)
    6.5%
  4. It's alright only if he is single

    3 vote(s)
    6.5%
  5. It's never ok.

    24 vote(s)
    52.2%
  1. theGECK

    theGECK Fapstronaut

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    I believe the average is 6-9 times per month for married couples, at least. That ends up being 1-2 times per week or probably more likely, 3-4 times per week for a week or two since there will be weeks when sex is not feasible for a variety of reasons. Or if you have kids, 6-9 times on Wednesday between the hours of 6:30-9:00pm when the kids are at their play group.

    And I guess I don't get that last one. If you're using masturbation before sex, why not just make it part of the foreplay? Isn't that more fun anyway? I think I'd have a problem with that one because if we have the chance to have sexy times and instead they were off wanking, I'd feel left out.
     
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  2. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    I was thinking more about guys who masturbate before dates so they can preform satisfactorily later on; not like things are heating up and he suddenly heads to the bathroom for a while!

    But I agree with your suggestion making it part of foreplay would obviously be more fun, provided everyone has the time and energy to put into it.
     
  3. SheShallBeCalledWoman

    SheShallBeCalledWoman Fapstronaut

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    ^I would disagree that it's not possible to masturbate without fantasy. It is possible to just enjoy the sensations.

    But I respect your opinion.
     
  4. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Still Sursum has a good point; getting the libido under control; who's the master, who's the slave.

    I suspect what's going on here is we, at a more 'subconscious' level, think the libido is the real underlying part of us, the natural part. And that, as the natural part of us, we need to allow it its ideal 'freedom', or 'fulfilment' or whatever. The thing is though we all know this is disastrous in practical terms just as total repression one was. What seems to be required is an understanding of the libido as simply the raw material, dare I say the flawed material, from which something beautiful comes, like a rose from dirt. The raw energy is channelled, and sublimated, into a higher form. Being and Becoming anyone?
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2016
  5. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    Thinking over this again, I don't know that the average should be the best standard. Given that 50% of marriages end in divorce, it would be a lot more beneficial to see statistics on marriages that last and are not troubled by infidelity. My guess is that the numbers would be higher in well-functioning relationships, but who knows? Perhaps the stress of modern life is partially to blame for the breakdown of modern marriages? (though I'm sure it is also attributable to shifting societal views on marriage)
     
  6. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    Well, it's not very probable for porn addicts, that's for sure! Given, the majority of men are regular porn users. However, the majority of women are not. I wonder if there is a gender difference here? Part of the issue for me, is that, to put it delicately, my body is not as cooperative if I'm not using my imagination (well, or my porn-addicted eyeballs). I might conjecture that this is less of a problem for women, but I really have no basis on which to speculate.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2016
  7. SheShallBeCalledWoman

    SheShallBeCalledWoman Fapstronaut

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    All I'm going to say is you'd be surprised! But Aaron made the point that it could be a gender thing. So I guess in the case of males, maybe not.
     
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  8. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    @SheShallBeCalledWoman

    Well, I've also made it work without fantasizing, but it takes a lot more concentration and, eh, "technique." It takes longer and the result is also typically less satisfying -- and therefore generally leads to other things.

    So, definitely not impossible, but it's also not very typical.

    On the other hand; and this is definitely true for guys (heard it's less this way with girls); the more often you do it, the more mental stimulation is required. When I've been on a porn binge, sometimes even my imagination isn't enough until I take a couple days off! As I mentioned earlier, my long-term goal with masturbation (after a 90-day reboot) is to cut it down to a level where it doesn't lead to pornography by sticking to a schedule. I look forward to seeing how reducing the frequency affects the need to fantasize. My guess is that it will make a significant difference.
     
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  9. SheShallBeCalledWoman

    SheShallBeCalledWoman Fapstronaut

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    I'm just sitting here snickering at your avatar...

    I'm sure very few people actually just use the sensation to get off, even females. Especially since females overwhelmingly have a hard time "finishing." But they're definitely out there. I know it's worked for me before.

    I'm surprised the results aren't as satisfying, what with all that buildup from it taking longer. But I digress.

    Good luck with your 90 days!
     
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  10. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    For old times sake: (I guess the sexual content in the lyrics could possibly be a trigger, but I doubt there are many people who are turned on by premature ejaculation. Not exactly a panty dropper.)

     
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  11. SheShallBeCalledWoman

    SheShallBeCalledWoman Fapstronaut

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    "Please stop acting like you're not impressed. One more thing, I'm gonna pay by check."

    GOLD.

    Also, you'd be surprised...
     
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  12. I can attest to the fact that this is true for females as well. You described that perfectly... it's more difficult, takes longer, is less enjoyable, and therefore usually leads to other things.

    Hm... you'd be surprised. lol :p

    This is an interesting thread! I've read through all the comments, and I thought I suppose I should give my commentary on my answer on the poll, since I'm in the "majority" and nobody has spoken up about that yet.

    So I said it's never okay.... Honestly this was really a tough question, and I'm not sure that I necessarily feel like "it's never okay" is true, but rather I didn't feel like the other options were true either, so I felt that one was the most true, if that makes sense. I think there are exceptions and "it depends" statements to be made about any of these options.

    For example, I wouldn't say "it's okay for single men to masturbate." But in some cases, I believe that could be acceptable. And I wouldn't say it's always okay for my husband to MO if I'm out of town or he can't have me or whatever, but in some scenarios, perhaps.

    I understand the notion of saying "as long as it's not effecting the relationship, it's okay," but in my experience and much of the experience of others that I have read about, I'm not entirely convinced that it's possible to have any level of masturbation in a relationship and have it not effect things. I say this, regrettably, even for myself. While I sometimes make the excuse of my husband not being home or whatever, I can still sense myself drifting further from my intimacy with him when I pursue that on my own. It's an act that is meant to bind you together, and doing it alone is... well, selfish. And I say that with humility and no judgment, as I am clearly being quite selfish myself, often.

    In your case, @Aaron_0, being single and no prospects for dating (though I'm curious how so? By choice? You're a handsome and intelligent man, so I can't see that being too much of a problem), I would say, as I said before, there are so many "it depends" statements to be made. Therefore, if you'd rather be safe than sorry, I certainly don't think you can go wrong with abstaining completely. I do also agree with @wildwood's statements on that, especially about it being a gateway and seamlessly falling back into further traps.

    I have recently experienced this, as much as I hate to admit. I wanted to believe that it was okay for me to MO occasionally, if sex with my husband wasn't an option and if I kept my thoughts safe and it was purely a physical act, but after a few weeks of making that decision, I have slipped up so many more times than I had prior and each subsequent relapse has gotten worse and worse, further into fantasizing, then psubs, then actual porn and binging. As much as I don't want to admit that MOing is always wrong, the evidence in my life seems to prove otherwise.
     
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  13. Haha that's so funny, I didn't read this before I said "you'd be surprised." Premature ejaculation actually happens to be one of my biggest triggers, so I found that rather humorous. lol
     
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  14. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    d
    :eek:

    I fail to understand how this could possibly be exciting, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to know!:confused:

    Don't watch that clip!
     
  15. Haha it's not as weird as it sounds... there is a lot of logic to it. I could explain it, but I don't want to cause anyone troubles, so perhaps that a conversation for PM if you're interested. lol
     
  16. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    Oh, I'm interested in everything. That's at least half the problem!
     
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  17. haha preach!
     
  18. Didn't see this the first time around, but I didn't and I've heard this song before, so it's whatevs. :)
     
  19. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    Thank 'ee kindly! :)

    Prospects are not the problem. They come along every so often, but it's not a priority for me for two reasons. One is that I don't feel that I'm in an employment situation that would be good for starting a family, and the other is that marriage is not one of my life goals (which I think it is for most people). I have other things which are way more important to me to do, and I don't want any relationships that will be a detour from those goals. That said, if I met the right person and I was fairly sure that we were both headed in the same direction in terms of some of these other goals, I'd be open to that.

    The other possible issue is that I'm super picky about personalities and physical/psychological health (says the porn addict...), and I don't meet many people of whom I can say "I'd like to spend the rest of my life with this person." Some people have suggested to me that this is a defense mechanism, and that I'm subconsciously trying to find problems with everybody to avoid a relationship. This may be the case, but I don't notice it at all if it is true.
     
  20. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    It wasn't there. I'm a serial post-editor.
     
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