Question for the Ladies (staring)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Jan 10, 2019.

  1. I know men staring is a problem, but I heard a woman say once they want us to look? How do I show interest through looking without staring? Do I try to make eye contact and stare until she looks away? My interest in women is starting to return and I really have no idea what I'm doing. Any advice would be appreciated!
     
  2. It's funny how we ask questions that are basically answered by our own natural being. All of these things happen naturally without any techniques. It's a bit sad that we got to this point where we search and ask others how to do basic ,instinctual stuff.

    Just do what you feel like doing. That's my point.
     
  3. Wait.....are you saying that if I stay no PMO that knowing these things will come naturally?
     
  4. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    I dont think you will really find good answers to that. honestly. Everyone feels differently. Some people are more sensitive to staring than others. Personally, I dont have an issue with someone my age staring at me. Its creepy if it's some super old dude or something, but if it's someone who is of reasonable dating age for me, then I would just find it flattering. I think for me the main thing would be duration and reading the social cues. If some dude is staring at me for like ten minutes and I keep looking at him with a hard face and clearly dont look interested, that would begin to irritate me. So I would say, first of all, if you want to ask someone out just do it, you dont need to stare at them for ten minutes first. And secondly, if you are staring at someone and they visibly look uncomfortable with it, stop. It's not hard to tell if someone looks uncomfortable or keeps giving you a dirty look and obviously wants you to stop staring at them.
     
  5. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    The more I think about it, honestly, the more I think duration is the key. I'm flattered if someone checks me out, and I dont mind if they keep looking st me for s bit while mustering the courage to come say hi. But if you're just staring for several minutes and dont plan to even say anything, that feels a bit weird. Theres really no need for that. I mean, I see hot men and women all the time, and I might do a couple double takes, but that's about it. Anything more than that just feels gross, like I'm leering and lusting over them, and that's unnecessary.

    I think maybe what the person above was trying to say is that if you are a healthy minded person, you should probably be able to naturally tell what leering feels like. It feels wrong and weird. You should know when you cross a line, most of the time. At least that's how I see it. I personally know exactly when my looking at someone turns from "wow, they're hot" to breaking down all their physical features and letting my mind wander too far. It's not hard for me to tell when I'm being inappropriate or not.
     
  6. Thank you so much! I think I just have a tendency to overthink things. It really isn't as complicated as I'm making it out to be, is it? This actually explains why it's always under-age girls that stare at me. It made me kinda annoyed because I thought adult women that I was actually interested in weren't interested in me, but I guess they're like you and don't want to stare because it's inappropriate? I really hope what I'm doing now helps with my confidence because approaching women seems so terrifying to me. This has been really helpful to me.
     
  7. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Glad to help! I cant comment on why girls dont check you out or whatever. Every girl is different. But good luck with your confidence
     
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