There seems to be a lot of conflicting information about whether or not the PA should disclose the addiction to the SO. Despite the conflict, everyone is fully aware of the trauma it can inflict on the SO to hear about their partners addiction. The SO's on here will say it is in the best interest of the relationship to disclose this information given how it is viewed as a form of cheating in the relationship. It allows the SO to then make an informed decision about whether to continue to stay, or to leave. This, in my opinion, is very true. So the question remains: how can the PA soften the blow of the disclosure so there is less trauma inflicted on the SO and on the relationship? Is there a way to do this? For me personally, I think having an understanding about the addiction prior to disclosure would have helped tremendously. When I was initially told, a big part of the pain came from feeling inadequate, not good enough, not attractive enough, etc. I think if I had understood the mechanism behind the "seeking", as in, it was the dopamine rush for the PA, not necessarily an attraction to another woman then it may not have hurt "as much" when this was disclosed to me. Also, having the understanding about escalation of the addiction and how more extreme genres are needed in order to maintain that same rush could have helped as well. I know there is no way to completely remove the hurt and shock that comes from disclosure. I'm wondering, however, if the PA would take the time to research the addiction and start a discussion with their SO about how it is closely related to drug addiction in the brain, and how it damages the brain in the process, allowing for the SO to have more of an understanding of the addiction prior to disclosing that they struggle with it would be beneficial in any way. On a side note, I also think it would be beneficial for the PA to research betrayal trauma prior to disclosure so they can gain an understanding of what their partners will experience and find ways to help them with that, through reassurance measures or other means, it could also help the relationship once the addiction is disclosed. Since my husbands disclosure, I researched the addiction to further understand it so I could see what he was going through more clearly. I have found that the further we get away from D-day, the more I am inclined to say "why are you doing this to yourself" rather than "why are you doing this to me" whenever something happens or he acts out, however, It does take me a few days to reevaluate my hurt because those pathways of him "doing this to me" are still there. Thoughts? What, if anything, could help ease the blow of the disclosure?