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Question to single man about rebooting

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Dziki007, Aug 25, 2016.

  1. Dziki007

    Dziki007 Fapstronaut

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    When you are rebooting journey do you find it motivating to hit on girls more often or its just the same?
     
  2. Meshuga

    Meshuga Fapstronaut

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    I think one of the reasons you haven't had a response yet is because most of the people hanging out in the "Relationships" section are in relationships. Not a lot of single guys here. I can't answer you question from experience, but I do have a different approach that you may not like or find relevant, but it's free advice.

    Porn is just one, powerful part of a social construct that marginalizes women by framing them as objects, not people. Porn comes up with a lot of names for women that I won't repeat here for triggering purposes, but they dehumanize and demean, and you probably know what they are. Basically, they introduce and reinforce the idea that her entire purpose is to serve your impulses. Even if your impulses lean in the power you have over her to make her feel certain things, she's still an object. Not a fully realized human being with her own impulses and ambitions that may (but probably don't) include you. One of the greatest benefits to eliminating porn from your life is the realization of how complicated, varied, and beautiful women actually are.
    If you approach women as a potential tool to help you reboot, you are holding onto objectification. It's important to take the individual into consideration while you craft your approach to reboot. It may be my age and social circles, but I don't know many if any women who like to be hit on. In fact, they complain about it a lot. They do like talking, and even flirting when the guy takes the time to get to know them a little, but there's limits.
    I propose that porn has warped yours, and many others', entire approach to male/female interaction. In the fantasy of porn, absurdly "attractive" women are disproportionately flattered by the most boorish attention. An entire generation of men have been raised on this stuff, which alters their behavior toward an entire generation of women, who just expect men to be this way because this is all they have experienced. This younger generation has borrowed the term "hitting on" without employing the exact meaning.

    I propose revolutionizing your entire approach to girls. Spend time talking to them, and more importantly listening to them, what they say to you and to other people, and learn who they really are and what they really like. And don't do this with the expectation that they might provide potential for physical or relationship rewards in the future. Just learn from the one conversation and move on. Respect them as people, and try to keep these interactions as positive and non-creepy as possible.
     
  3. noper32

    noper32 Fapstronaut

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    I'm a single man who happens to read the 'Relationships' section a lot because I am interested in ensuring that I am prepared to build a happy, healthy relationship.

    I'll admit that I didn't respond because I don't really relate to 'hitting on' girls. However, in my experience, I felt confident enough in myself to pursue women, ask them out, and seek a relationship after about a month of NoFap. Granted, I still have work to do in terms of confidence and self-esteem in relationships, but around one month is when the initial confidence and desire to get out there again returned.
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2016
    Saskia and MsPants like this.
  4. Anotherguy

    Anotherguy Fapstronaut

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    For me, it's kind of a double-edged sword. Having feelings for a girl can help me resist urges, but if things don't work out between us, the sadness and loneliness just drive me back to PMO. So it can be effective motivation, but it is also dangerous.
     
  5. cincinandy

    cincinandy Fapstronaut

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    ^^^This.
    I understand first hand that a huge part of the reason for wanting to reboot is to get back out there and meet with and (hopefully) sleep with more/other women because there is something seriously missing from the PMO life. After many attempts at abstinence (sometimes entirely for this purpose) I've come to the conclusion that this is an unhealthy way to approach your reboot. Although this may not be a reason for you at all, but I inferred it based on your post.

    Sure, you can stay "clean" for awhile on this approach, but once you hit that first bump in the road you may find it a hell of a lot easier to just say f*ck it and go back to PMO. That being said, knowing the potential pitfall, I know I've reported having more confidence and desire sometimes within the first week.
     
  6. Dziki007

    Dziki007 Fapstronaut

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    @Meshuga I agree what you said. It is true that many years of watching porn changing completely the view on women. When i was very young i used to look on women diffrently, more sensitive way but it changed through years watching porn. My point in this topic is that in my whole life porn/fapping stopped me to meeting girls. Im handsome man i always had intrest in girls but i never coudn start interact with girl because i think of porn and mastrbation. It was like didint need to have any girl in my life, , like i was complet but its just opposite i was dragging me down. After 10 days reeboot without porn/fantasing/no fapping finally i just want only talk to girls not even thinking about sex like earlier.

    Edit: Btw sorry for my bad english, im learining it :)
     
    Meshuga likes this.
  7. Meshuga

    Meshuga Fapstronaut

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    I can only communicate in English, so congrats on being able to use multiple languages at all. I'm continually grateful for the effort you bilingual guys put into communication.

    Sounds like female interaction would be great for your reboot, but maybe without the "hitting on" frame of mind. At least, not for a couple months.
     
    Dziki007 likes this.
  8. Dziki007

    Dziki007 Fapstronaut

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    @Meshuga Hehe your right, that word "hitting on" is not correct, and actually it doesnt fit to my character at all. I just heard that word somewhere from PUA community and used it :D I really appreciate your opinion on the subject, i see a lot of sense in your words. My journey with Nofap/No porn just started and im very exicted how it progress and im changing day by day. Greetings.
     
    Meshuga likes this.

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