Question to those with major NoFap streaks

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by TheProdigalSon, Sep 6, 2019.

  1. TheProdigalSon

    TheProdigalSon Fapstronaut

    160
    272
    63
    If you could create a list of tips and or resources that have made you successful for your NoFap journey. I have tried this challenge many times, but haven’t been able to go the whole 3 months. Hopefully with the culmination of the different strategies can help me develop the golden system to finally be successful.
     
    Innervision and Asgardian36 like this.
  2. Overforme

    Overforme Fapstronaut

    180
    274
    63
    I havent been successful on 3 mths either but here's what I do know -
    -You need to have software with a vpn blocker that you cannot disable setup for bad sites so you cant access them.
    -You need an accountability buddy.
    -You have to re teach your brain that women arent objects and the ones that do act that way (which is a lot by today's society standatds) are lost and confused.
    -You need to focus on re-building yourself with positive habits.. ie: good diet, excercise and sleep.
    -You must journal any urges that you get and write the time, date, and what you were going to plan to do and what you can do instead ie: (go for a walk, make some tea, call a friend, read a book)
    -Write a list of all the negative things porn has done for you and what will happen after a relapse.. sadness, anxiety, guilt, shame
    **This is what helps me. Good luck.
     
  3. TheProdigalSon

    TheProdigalSon Fapstronaut

    160
    272
    63
    What would be an example for a software like this? Also, do they have anything for smart phones?
     
  4. IntegralSoul

    IntegralSoul Fapstronaut

    I know there's a section here on APs. I know that would work for me. Can you say a bit more about how you communicate with your buddy, e.g. is it a running conversation? How often do you check in per week or per day? Is it routine encouragement or do you really hash out your struggles and difficult times? How has it helped? Finally, how did you get your buddy? THANKS
     
  5. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

    984
    1,540
    123
    Close to 2 years here. There are NO blockers on my devices. The time I did install a blocker before this streak I rebooted my entire computer just to see porn. For an addict, a blocker can be extremely counterproductive. You could compare it to a lock on a cookie jar to prevent a sugar addicted kid from getting to the cookies. That kid will smash that jar if need be.
    You've got to leave the road open. If you don't you are going to feel weak and in need of help. But conquering this addiction is so hard that you will need to feel stronger than you ever have before. So, open roads. It's all psychology. The mind needs to be the blocker.
    What has helped me the most is thinking about how a relapse would make me feel if I decided to do it. The symptoms would be relentless, I don't want to experience them and so I use the future to control the present, based on past experiences. Human beings are capable of learning, we have memories and we'd better make us of it.
    It's all about understanding really. Understanding that you are free to look at porn but that you are presented with a choice each time an urge to do so creeps up on you. You either give in to the feelings of pleasure or you let the consequences motivate you to abstain. To understand that you have a choice puts the power and the decision back in YOUR hands. This is where the strenght needs to come from, because no blocker will be able to do that thinking for you. The human brain is more powerful than all computers on earth combined so you can rest assured that somewhere deep within yourself you have the power to motivate yourself out of this destructive habit.

    Each time you feel that urge, you need to decide. What do I want? Do I want the quick fix, the minutes or hours of intense pleasure? Or do I not want the shame, the guilt, the suffering associated with it? Do I think ahead, have I learned something the last time I relapsed, or could I not care less about how I will feel tomorrow, when the high is gone? A couple of hours is all that is needed to waste an entire day. Heck, seasoned porn addicts will lose entire years. Do you want to show up at work, at school the next day, feeling ashamed, feeling guilty, depressed, feeling absolutely miserable, or do you want to show up feeling glad you didn't give in yesterday? The choice presented itself but you chose to watch tv, read a book, do the dishes, walk the dog, go for a run etc. instead. That is power. THAT is freedom. To realize that YOU have the power to say NO. No one can ever force you to turn on your laptop and visit porn sites. No one can force you to masturbate. These are conscious, individual choices. Porn loses its power the moment you understand that aside from porn and masturbation, there IS another choice. I can chose to not watch porn, I am FREE to not watch porn and do something better with my day instead. I can learn. I can learn how porn would affect my nervous system if I chose to watch it. Insight. Insight into how this addiction works is what you need. Learn about the prefrontal cortex, about the reward center, and how both will fight each other to get your mind's attention. The science isn't pretty. Porn is much like a drug, it works on the same systems in your body and is capable of hijacking your thoughts, your choice, your freedom. Porn is the popular kid running around your brain that everyone wants to hang out with. It's the fun guy, unfortunately, no one in your brain seems to know this fun guy's (let's call him John for the sake of simplicity) history. See, John's the new kid in your brain. He looks so cool and has all the coolest stuff, John plays ball and will impress everyone with his brand new, latest model smartphone. And he drives a Porsche as well. He's a real attention magnet. But no one knows John used to drag kids along with him in the brain he came from. He'd pick them up on Friday night, drive them to the club, where he would introduce them to a brand new drug. And so John would move from town to town, from school to school, until he introduced as many kids as he could to this new drug of his.
    You get the idea... The question is: who do you want to be? Do you want to be one of John's most recent victims? Or do you want to be the guy who faces John, who reports him to the police for what he's done? You have that choice, to stay at home on Friday night when John shows up on your doorstep, asking you if you'd be interested in some fun. You can tell John that no, you aren't interested. I know you, John (reward center), you are up to no good. So gtfo or I'm calling the cops (prefrontal cortex). I don't want the hangover. I do not want to be hanging over that toilet at 3 am. I am chosing to stay home tonight, to read a book or to walk the dog. And I will feel good tomorrow.

    K9 protection or whatever blocker you are using in this story could be a good friend of yours, who keeps John out of your sight. But what if some day John manages to trick your friend into letting him see you? What will you tell John? Will you know John well enough to know he is up to no good? Will you manage to say you can't come, or will you feel to weak now that your friend is nowhere to be found? You can't always trust your friends. You will need to learn how to trust yourself. But you can do it. If other people manage 1 year, 2 years, however long they abstain, you can too. We all have the same brains, they are all perfectly capable of learning from the past. Remind yourself of how you felt last time you stepped into John's car and chances are you won't want to get into his car the following weekend.

    You can give John whatever name you want, I just hope you get the idea. It could help you, thinking of your addiction as a person, knowing his or her history, the places they've been, all the other kids they traumatized... A normal person wouldn't want to hang out with them. They belong in prison with the other bad guys.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2019
  6. TheProdigalSon

    TheProdigalSon Fapstronaut

    160
    272
    63
    I speak to someone in this site, but it’s been awhile since I have spoken with him. I’m not good at consistency, so our communication is scarce. Done days I feel I’m too busy to post, some I don’t feel there is anything to post, sometimes I forget, and sometimes I purposely say nothing so I can give in to desire. Logically, I know I should be consistent daily or the least weekly, but emotion is a strong barrier that has the potential to get in the way.
     
    IntegralSoul likes this.
  7. TheProdigalSon

    TheProdigalSon Fapstronaut

    160
    272
    63
    @bken

    Hey man, kickass post! I’ll definitely try to start implementing this mentality into my life as well as try to understand the situation better.

    If I may ask, any advice for increasing willpower/self-discipline?

    I ask because I overindulge on a few vices: food, video games, PMO. When I try to work on improving them all, it can be too much for me and I no longer care at the time. This being said, if there is a realistic balance to get me started for all of them, I will try it then
     
  8. TheProdigalSon

    TheProdigalSon Fapstronaut

    160
    272
    63
    @bken

    Actually, I will be more specific and ask one simple question. How do I deal with the sexual urges when I face them?

    I get the answer is distraction, but there are times where there really isn't enough time for distraction. Examples would be trying to focus to get homework done or trying to sleep for school/work for the next day.
     
  9. Innervision

    Innervision Fapstronaut

    I think @bken nailed it on his insightful reply! Just loved it. I'd recommend trying to deal with one issue at a time, instead of all at once (porn, food, video game, ...). As it was said, information and knowledge about PMO addiction and its relations with the neurochemistry of the brain are like silver bullets on this process. Also it can't be highlighted enough this is a MENTAL battle above all, and you'll have to develop some important skills regarding self-control, discipline, knowing yourself better, to have substantial progress. It's a long, difficult and non-linear path, but amazingly rewarding if you want to get the best life can offer! Stay focused and all the best!
     
  10. IntegralSoul

    IntegralSoul Fapstronaut

    @bken This is great, and should be required reading for everyone aged 12 to 82.
     
  11. allitnam

    allitnam Fapstronaut

    60
    88
    18
    Oh man, this post... So worth to be read. You are so right about the blockers. I tried that path long time ago and always found the way to fool my own blockers. Sometimes I got to be in others computers and watch porn. Sometimes I got obssesed to find some explicit content despide of the blocker being active.

    I always have tried to rely on external things to stop pmoing and now I have been 19 years just trying and not accomplishing anything. This time, in my life, is the first time I am relying on the power of a decision.
    That's why I read and read this forum, so that decision becomes strong enough everyday, to really convince myself porn is bad, not because it is a sin, not beacuse someone else would say it is shameful... Its bad because it ruins my life, my brain, and others life too. It ruins those poor girls who dont even know why they cry everytime after finishing a new video. All of those young guys who everyday fall trapped into porn and that will spend years before they realize how screwed they are bacause of porn. I cannot allow myself to be part of that anymore, I need to stop. This the first time in my life I really get it. It took too long for me to really understand the damage.

    Thanks @bken for those words, I will need to come back here time to time and read them again.
     
    Indurian likes this.
  12. VanGuy

    VanGuy Fapstronaut

    Small steps mate.. I just relapsed after getting my 90 but my 90 was done 5 days at a time.. works great for me.. it’s mentally positive.. I won’t bore you with a novel here but if you have a look at my journal there’s a pic of masking tape laid out on a bench.. that’s the post about 5 days at a time..I find it the best thing I have come up with just to get me past sticking points I was noticing. I will be using it again this time.
    The only other advice is get busy with life.. don’t have spare time.
    Good luck✌️
     
    TheProdigalSon likes this.

Share This Page