Question!

oh yeah, definitely I think, if you can find one ....

 

I think it’s best to reboot minus a partner

 

Well I have to disagree politely with @MarinoBigFan1984 cause, do not forget, real sex is not a relapse, your streak is not broken so an even better solution is to practice restraint and have lots of sex with your GF without cumming, even for years, yeah Guys, for years, it is possible, and I am talking lots and lots of sex, good sex, it just takes practice, it is called karezza, you GF will be so pleased with you

 

To be honest, I think they're just different scenarios. I had a girlfriend, but due to our faith, we were not sexual. Having a GF/So can make rewiring harder in the sense that if you slip up, you're not just hurting yourself but you're hurting them too. If you're single, it might be harder to keep motivated and stay on track but at least the damage is only on you.

 

100% in fact you should have sex as much as you can because number 1 it's a great distraction from watching porn and secondly you want to be able to connect emotionally with a person.

 

And you don't hurt your progress because you rewirr your brain and you having sex 3 times a day is less semen you would have emitted fapping for hours or getting s dopamine rush from porn

 

Yeah, it is easier

 

Having a commitment to a person that includes providing the best environment and opportunity for relationship success is for me a major reason to quit PMO.

 

As a SO from our perspective please don’t bring us into a relationship if you are not healthy that’s not fair to us and very selfish. If you still do you must be 100 percent honest early on about your addiction. I think it’s a lot harder to reboot in a relationship for the addict too. The only benefit that I can potentially see addicts thinking they would have is that they have access to regular sex then it will be easier to stop pmo but the total opposite is true. Pmo addiction has nothing to do with sex or intimacy it’s a coping mechanism just like drugs. You pmo when you feel sad or bored or depressed those are not healthy reasons to have sex. If you are not totally free of pmo and have not changed your mindset and approach to sexual pleasure all you are doing is replacing pmo with your partner. And as a partner who has been with someone who did that the sex is horrible. We feel used and objectified and basically all the being used as a masturbatory aide. There is no intimate connection and the addict is very selfish in bed.

When you stop pmo you are going to be emotionally sensitive because you have lost your coping skills. Being in any relationship is an emotional strain but being in a new relationship is even worse. Feelings of insecurity and rejection are hard for non addicts to cope with but for addictions in early recovery they are downright brutal and likely to push you into relapse. If you can’t perform in bed that will make you feel even worse. If you are not willing to be honest with your partner you are maintaining a relationship based on lies and it will never work. Most importantly you have another persons feelings to deal with and consider when you can’t even process your own. You need to focus on getting better and having to worry about someone else makes that challenging. Something always fails either your recovery because you can’t focus on you or your ability to give 100 percent to your partner.

Addicts tell themselves this lie they they only pmo because they don’t have a partner or their partner does not have sex with them enough. Except when they get a partner who wants sex with them they can’t stop and can’t perform in bed. Don’t believe me? Jump over to read all the stories about men in new marriages who felt the same way and what they are dealing with. And as I anticipate this response no you can’t expect her to be understanding no she’s not a bad person if she’s not. Yes it is a big deal when you can’t perform in bed. You are not ready for a relationship until you are mentally healthy. You cannot look to another person to me your emotional savior or cure that will work no better than pmo did to fix things except now you are hurting another person. IMO true recovery from addictive thinking is being able to put another’s needs before your own. If you are able to do that you would not consider dating until you are healthy. Make no mistake being in a relationship with a pmo addict is MISERABLE! Please don’t do that To someone.

 

Very true.

 

You need to fix yourself first. Take yourself off the dating market etc. I've been in hard mode minus a few relapse days since June so he's about ready to go. I'm still going to reboot as long as possible for this last one.

 

Once again, you make a lot of great points GG2002. But one thing I disagree with is the part of your comment that I quoted above. For you pmo wasn't needed because you were/are very good-looking and getting a partner was easy. But for many of the guys here on nofap, that is precisely why they got hooked on pmo - they couldn't get a partner. Loneliness drove them to pmo addiction. You are incapable of understanding the pain many guys suffer.

 

This is quite an interesting thread.
I would be inclined to say that it is easier with a SO; but, and this is of paramount importance, I believe you should be completely honest with them about your addiction before you ask them to be in a relationship with you.
In my case I had been trying on and off to quit for ages; no success. Then one day I a girl I know tells me that she likes me, and asks if I like her too. That really made me think about my PMO addiction, because I couldn't see how I was deserving of her affection (I wasn't, and I never will be). Anyway, I told her that I wasn't sure if I liked her in the same way she liked me, and she was fine with that and we agreed to just be friends. To cut a long story short, I realised I did like her and I told her, and we were getting the point when I was thinking about asking her if she wanted to make it official, but I just couldn't ask her to be my girlfriend without telling her about my addiction. So I did, and she has been very understanding and supportive. Anyway, the point of all that is that since I knew I liked her I have managed the longest streak I can remember having; because I know that I can't let myself be with her and still do PMO, and that has given me so much motivation.
It's got nothing to do with sex (me and my girl won't be having any sex due our religious faith), and frankly using a SO as a way to have sex and distract yourself from PMO strikes me as being a bit disgusting. Wait until you find someone that you really care about; your love for them will be a much better motivator than having sex regularly.

 

Hey man, I started a relationship in the middle of my reboot and it helped me a lot to learn about what a healthy relationship is supposed to be about. I learned about what real sex feels like and how a connection with two people is established (body and mind)

I never told her about my addiction because it's something very private for me and I'm sure she wouldn't like that information. Being with her also gave me a chance to redefine who I am and an opportunity to start over and leave my "addict" label behind.

I was lucky and the relationship is still going, I'm very happy with her.

I insist though, this relationship didn't start on day 0. it happened around day 60 when my head and body were a little calmer than at the beginning of the reboot.

The sex gets better every day and it's helping me to overcome a lot of confidence issues that lead to sexual performance anxiety and ED. The more sex I have the faster these issues are resolved. And for that having a relationship helps wonders. these issues I do talk about with her, not the porn.

If you have insecurities about having sex, anxiety about performance or even insecurities about your own body then the best way to solve them is to actually get out and have sex with someone you trust. Learn to solve those things in real life situations and not inside your head.

As your counter says you are already 200 days into the reboot. get out there and find someone you like. explore your body and hers. Enjoy your youth and sexuality. have fun. For me having a good healthy relationship was my main objective. the reboot helped me wonders into achieving exacly that.

Plus, there are a lot of good and bad moments that make you grow a lot when you're in a relationship. they cause a lot of pleasure but also a lot of anxiety. Dealing with these situations and learning to solve them is vital to becoming a grown, mature man.

 

Great response. Enjoy your journey. Sounds like she came into your life just at the right time.

 

Right always a great relationship when you lie to your partner no? Amazing foundation for a happy life built on lies.

 

My relationship with her is not founded on my porn use, it's based on we liking each other's personality and enjoying each other's company. Even though the porn use is something that I'm trying to resolve It's not something that defines me as a person, and therefore it's not something she needs to know.

Imagine telling the girl you're dating every thing you don't like about yourself just becuase "you don't want to lie to her". Makes no sense. We build our personality and integrity after a series of mistakes and experiences, not mentioning these has nothing to do with lying.

It would be great to just be perfect and have a perfect mental state when we start a relationship, but that's almost never the case, and it's very important to understand that a couple needs to grow and get over relationship issues together. I'm sure telling your girlfriend about a PMO addition can help to overcome it, but that is definitely a very personal choice and there are no right or wrong answers when deciding what to do about it.

And also...relax man, you have a very demanding and questioning tone when writing your comments which is unnecesary. We are all trying to help and understand each other. Being judged so severely can be very demoralizing. Be careful in the way you express yourself. Specially on the use of irony.

Wish you the best!

 

Maybe look at the positives you get from the relationship not the negatives. You can start a new life without sharing every detail of your old one. Your old life got you where you are now but it is not what you are now.

 

It’s not his past he started a reboot in the middle of the relationship! And even if it were his past she still has the right to know she’s getting involved with an addict in recovery. The majority of people like to know what they are getting into. When she finds out he was dishonest (yes keeping a piece of information from someone you know they would want to know is lying) and she will find out not only will she be upset by the prospect of being with a pmo addict but now she will have zero trust for her partner. You are looking at the positives for the addict sure but you fail to see the negatives for the SO and there are a lot. In my opinion the only true recovery involves honesty about your addiction with this you love be it in the past or present. Pmo addiction is a long road with slip ups and relapses and asking that a SO stand by you through those is a lot to ask but not even giving them the option in keeping it from them is morally wrong imo and shows the selfishness most addicts display. How can you have true intimacy with another person if you are hiding a big part of yourself? You can’t and you won’t. This exact scenario plays itself out daily just swing over to the SO blog if you don’t believe me. Don’t bring someone else into an addiction without their consent.