Questions about cheating

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Taternater, Mar 12, 2020.

  1. Taternater

    Taternater Fapstronaut

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    I am separated from my wife right now, and I work as a nurse surrounded by women. I assume that everybody gets tempted to cheat, but I am not a cheater. I know that its not worth it, and I know that its wrong. Its similar to porn in that way. I just was wondering if anybody has any has any advice on how to deal with it thanks.
     
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  2. Mr. Catwalk Runway

    Mr. Catwalk Runway Fapstronaut

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    So being separated requires you not to be with others?
     
  3. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I think it’s the being married part that requires him not to be with others.
     
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  4. Taternater

    Taternater Fapstronaut

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    Yeah being married makes it so I cant be other people.
     
  5. PIEDSufferer

    PIEDSufferer Fapstronaut

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    Define “separated.” I think that’s the confusion.
     
  6. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    I think avoiding cheating is a lot like avoiding porn. Don’t edge /flirt. Don’t replace lack of intimacy with emotional intimacy from others. Avoid contact. See women for who they are, flawed wonderful humans. Connect with them as humans not objects and acknowledge their flaws. Don’t be alone with them. Know why you aren’t cheating and clear up any reasons why you might give yourself an excuse.
     
  7. Muphy

    Muphy Fapstronaut

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    Do whatever you feel right.
    But always be in the controlled phase of the situation.
    Tell yourself that you are responsible for whatever you are doing.

    Because many a times we become emotionally attached when it is not needed.
    If you want to flirt with someone, go ahead. but if you are flirting with many then you should know where it may lead to.
    before a particular age we can be reckless about our decisions, but I think this is the time you should try to see where your decision is going to take you in time.
    Try to see that and I am hundred percent sure if you visualize that at an early point then you'll always take the right decision.

    Same thing for the cheating case. Many a people do cheat bec of certain reasons but they dont see where it would lead in future. and when they hit reality after some time they think that they shouldn't have done that.
     
  8. PIEDSufferer

    PIEDSufferer Fapstronaut

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    Ultimately, anything you would find unacceptable for your partner to do, don’t do yourself. For many people, even flirting would not be acceptable. While others believe in open relationships where they even have sex with other people. As long as you communicate where the boundaries are, and agree with each other.
     
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  9. Taternater

    Taternater Fapstronaut

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    Separated meaning that we are married, but are living in separate houses about an hour away from each other.
     
  10. Taternater

    Taternater Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I agree with you. We are pretty clear with the boundaries. The main thing is not cheating like kissing, holding hands, anything sexual... that sort of thing. I think the separation is a good thing its just extremely difficult going without sex, especially when there a lot of women around.
     
  11. Taternater

    Taternater Fapstronaut

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    Thats true just difficult to do. I am a little paranoid that I would slip. I do the obvious things like not staying with anybody one on one, and making sure they know that I am married. I just know how weak I am to porn, and I just don't want to slip with an actual woman the same way I do with porn.
     
  12. Taternater

    Taternater Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! Maybe it is as simple as thinking ahead. I just know how weak I am when it comes to porn, and I would not be able to forgive myself if I gave into temptation with an actual girl the way I do with porn. Overcoming porn seems nearly impossible. Maybe they are different, but I just dont have much confidence in myself.
     
  13. Taternater

    Taternater Fapstronaut

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    Yeah you are right. For me I feel like 95% of the time I don't even have temptations. Its just for the rare days I feel off. I am afraid I would I slip like with porn. I really don't want to watch it, but I always seem to fall to it. As bad as that is its nothing compared to if I slipped with an actual girl.
     
  14. PIEDSufferer

    PIEDSufferer Fapstronaut

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    The difference is the consequences. Sure, slipping with porn would be terrible. But different. Because the worst that happens is you ruin your progress and have to make up for that. But slipping with an actual person could end your marriage. Major life change there. Just know that in that way, the situations are vastly different, and therefore treated differently.

    In addition to porn, I also struggle with alcohol and marijuana addiction. My brain is just built for addictions, it seems! I would slip occassionally, showing weakness with these things. But I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life! Ever! Because there’s a difference in consequences. When you give into porn, you mostly hurt yourself. But when you cheat, you hurt someone else.
     
  15. Taternater

    Taternater Fapstronaut

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  16. Taternater

    Taternater Fapstronaut

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    That's true. I guess if I was only going to choose slip, porn would be the better option. Its comforting to see that you have those addictions, but still havent cheated. Is it solely because of the consequences? Or is it because it isn't as tempting?
    I have heard of guys saying that when they get tempted to cheat they would just masturbate, which I mean I understand the logic behind it. I just don't think that's the way to go either. I mean the temptations will probably never go away, but I would like to think that eventually I could overcome the temptations overall.
     
  17. PIEDSufferer

    PIEDSufferer Fapstronaut

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    I would say it is a combination of ethics and consequences. When I’m presented with a tempting situation, all I think about is how it would feel on the receiving end. I imagine how hurt I would be if my partner cheated on me. I deeply imagine the anger and physical pain I would experience. Then imagine CAUSING that level of pain in your partner. Could you live with that? Knowing that you hurt someone you truly love so much? That’s usually enough for me to keep an honest path.
     
  18. Taternater

    Taternater Fapstronaut

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    Good to know. I don't think I could live with knowing that I caused her that much pain. I know how hurt she is by porn itself, if I were to do something with an actual girl she would be completely devastated. I guess that is whole thing about this. Its about sacrifice and thinking about others. I guess its harder because if she watched porn I don't think it would bother me that much. I would probably laugh if I caught her, so its hard to relate. If she did something with some other guy that would be painful though. Maybe that's why I am more concerned that I don't cheat on her because the pain she would feel is relatable to me. With porn not so much. That doesn't give me an excuse to watch porn, but maybe if I could find a way to relate to her with the porn it would be easier to stop. Ultimately, I just shouldn't do either.
     
  19. Why would you want the advice of random people on the internet for such a seroius issue.Only you can answer your question.
     
  20. because amoung them people are some smart people with experience whos gone through similar shit and you can tell what is shit advice and what is good advice.
     

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