Questions on bible reading and myself, falling for 2 years.

You are 21. Still plenty of time ahead of you. I did not fully commit my way to God until I was 40. It took me that long to learn to trust him. I also felt lied to -- about God, about the church, about how to follow him in power. I was disillusioned and angry about many things. You do well not to give up. Life is to be found nowhere but in Christ. Do not turn from him completely.

Much knowledge can be a source of pride. If you delighted in being right by knowing the Scriptures, perhaps God is using these events in your life to break you of pride by showing you that knowledge alone is not sufficient. Jesus said to the scholars of his day that they thought they had all they needed in the Scripture, but they completely missed the very person the Scriptures were speaking about -- Him! We err if we know the Bible but do not let it lead us to Christ. He is what we need. Bible reading is good, but don't forget that millions of disciples lives for many hundreds of years without a Bible. It is a great good in the world, but it is not necessary to know Christ. He is what we need above all else.

Have you read Willard's book on prayer, "Hearing God"? Or Williams's "Hearing God in Conversation"? Both of these may be a help to you in learning to discern his voice in the clamor within your mind. It is a crucial skill for his disciples to learn to hear his voice (John 10). We are to be always in communion with the Spirit, listening to him, and obeying as he leads us. Remember, he is not a spirit of confusion but of peace!

Be encouraged today! God is in control. He loves you more than you will ever know or be able to imagine. he wants desperately for you to come to him for everything you need. His grace is sufficient for you and for us all. May God bless us as we pursue his Son!

 

There are two words which kept coming to me while reading your post: forgiveness and mercy. I echo much of what you are saying here, having experienced the veil lifted from my eyes as I compared what Jesus said (and continues to say) versus what I see and experience in this world. Jesus said to love the Lord with all of your heart, mind, soul and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself. It's when we begin to see the truth about the world, other people and, perhaps most of all, our self, that we begin to see the difficulty of this command.

Before we can truly love others, we have to learn about ourselves. The world says "learn to love yourself" but this is incomplete, as it glosses over what we find about ourselves, resulting in pardoning ourselves while holding others to a different standard. This is not to say we should hate ourselves either. Rather, we seek the Lord and His perception of each of us, learn more about ourselves each day, seek forgiveness for what we find, repent of what we find, and trust in His mercy as we stumble many times before finally standing firm on any issue of character. As we go through this process, our hearts soften towards others, as we know first-hand how hard this process can be. We see how cunningly deceptive the world is in keeping us in our sins, signs and wonders which would fool even the elect, if that were possible. It isn't possible to be fooled forever because we know the secret: keep seeking His face, each and every day. When we stick to this, the fog in our minds clears, our hearts are renewed, and our souls are united with Him until each of us is at one with Him.

I hear an active mind in your post. But maybe the source of the problem is in the heart? Much study lends to an overemphasis on one without the other. Some things are not a matter of study; they are a matter of application, wherever we may be. I pray you find peace during this troubling time and are renewed in heart.

 

This is so important. His identity for us is the one we must embrace as true for ourselves, because his view of reality is superior to our own. He knows us better than we can ever know ourselves. His identity for us is the correct one, and we must discard our own in order to take his up. That is the path out of shame.

 

But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. -Matthew 4:4

God's word is ESSENTIAL for knowing Him, therefore Christ ! How can you get saved without knowing the gospel of your salvation (1 Corinthians 15:1-4, Romans 3:24-26, Romans 5, Galatians 3, Ephesians 2, Colossians 2, etc.) ?? Paul even says to "keep in memory" the gospel. So scripture is VERY important, it prevents from falling away from the truth, into LIES and strange doctrines (roman catholicism, lordship salvation, etc.). You might as well read James 1:1 that says only to Jews his letters are written, not Christian nowadays who are under Paul's ministry (revealed to him by Jesus Christ for us): it's FAITH only that saves us once and for all, not works lest any man should boast, as it is written...

For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. -Hebrews 4:12

Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. -John 8:31-32

Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word. Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. The entrance of thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple. -Psalms 119:9, 105, 130

But he said, Yea rather, blessed are they that hear the word of God, and keep it. -Luke 11:28

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth. -John 1:1, 14

As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the Lord is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. -Psalms 18:30

Wherefore laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, and all evil speakings, As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby: If so be ye have tasted that the Lord is gracious. -1 Peter 2:1-3

Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world; Holding forth the word of life. -Philippians 2:14-16

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works. -2 Timothy 3:16-17

Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. -James 1:21

We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts: Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation. For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost. -2 Peter 1:19-21

For there must be also heresies among you, that they which are approved may be made manifest among you. -1 Corinthians 11:19

Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. -2 Timothy 2:15

For what if some did not believe? shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect? God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged. -Romans 3:3-4

Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily.
Let no man therefore judge you in meat, or in drink, or in respect of an holyday, or of the new moon, or of the sabbath days: Which are a shadow of things to come; but the body is of Christ. Let no man beguile you of your reward in a voluntary humility and worshipping of angels, intruding into those things which he hath not seen, vainly puffed up by his fleshly mind, And not holding the Head, from which all the body by joints and bands having nourishment ministered, and knit together, increaseth with the increase of God. Wherefore if ye be dead with Christ from the rudiments of the world, why, as though living in the world, are ye subject to ordinances, (Touch not; taste not; handle not; Which all are to perish with the using; )after the commandments and doctrines of men? -Colossians 2:8-9, 16-22

Take heed therefore unto yourselves, and to all the flock, over the which the Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed the church of God, which he hath purchased with his own blood. -Acts 20:28


ALSO, you said knowledge gives pride ? Whereas the Bible tells wisdom gives health and riches in Proverbs, and with increase of knowledge comes increase of sorrow in Ecclesiastes.

 

I suspect your confusing the Word (Scripture) with the WORD (I AM; i.e., God). I put that out there because it is primary confusion among those in the Protestant faith. Catholics may (but not always) worship a pope without knowing it, while Protestants usually (but not always) substitute a paper pope.

To put it simply, many of the first Christians had no access to OT Scriptures, were illiterate, and there was no New Testament yet. How, then, did they multiply in number so fast? How did Paul speak with such authority, even knowing that salvation was for the Gentiles as well? It was because they were following the Spirit, not words on a page. This distinction coincidentally made the words in Scripture come alive, just as it inspired them to write what would later become part of the canon.

@Tao Jones is in no way stating we should walk away from Scripture, as he quotes from it often, and neither am I. No following of the Spirit will contradict Scripture (although it may very well contradict common understanding, revealing the Pharisees for who they are), and we should be thankful He has given Scripture as a primary resource for our walks (discipleship would be infinitely harder without Scripture, especially in this day and age). But when Protestants speak of the "authority" of Scripture, they are off the mark slightly, trusting in their own understanding rather than the Lord. You could burn every Bible in the world; Christianity and the name of Jesus would endure because the Spirit would still be at work. The Lord's existence is not predicated on a book testifying to His name.

Of course, this is where I usually get flamed for being a heretic based on my experience, so if you want to go there, don't bother. I'm simply giving a gift and trying to deepen your faith. Take it if you want or not.

 

The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times [KJV is the 'seventh translation' of the Bible in English]. Thou shalt keep them, O LORD, thou shalt preserve them from this generation for ever. -Psalms 12:6-7

The prior translations leading up to the KJV were given in the "Rules to be Observed in the Translation of the Bible" that the translators went by after they were commissioned to do their work.
1. Tyndale
2. Matthew
3. Coverdale
4. Great Bible
5. Geneva
6. Bishops
...7. Authorized Version (KJV)

There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man. -Mark 7:15

God bless you.

 

@Ekahs how honorable and fascinating you are to read here, you have some excellent insights. I would say YOU'RE JUST GROWING, keep it up.

And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? -Matthew 14:28-31
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39
If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself. -2 Timothy 2:13
Even the mystery which hath been hid from ages and from generations, but now is made manifest to his saints: To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory: -Colossians 1:26-27
These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God. -1 John 5:13
Truly, truly, I tell you, whoever hears My word and believes Him who sent Me has eternal life and will not come under judgment. Indeed, he has crossed over from death to life. -John 5:24
For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. -Ephesians 2:8-9
Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. -Romans 5:1-5
Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree: That the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith. -Galatians 3:13-14
Now he which stablisheth us with you in Christ, and hath anointed us, is God; Who hath also sealed us, and given the earnest of the Spirit in our hearts. -2 Corinthians 1:21-22
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. -John 3:16
And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you. -Romans 8:10-11

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I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. -John 15:5
Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. -1 John 4:4
For when the Gentiles, which have not the law, do by nature the things contained in the law, these, having not the law, are a law unto themselves: -Romans 2:14
This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, saith the Lord, I will put my laws into their hearts, and in their minds will I write them; And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more. -Hebrews 10:16-17
I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, and, as a cloud, thy sins: return unto me; for I have redeemed thee. -Isaiah 44:22
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. -2 Corinthians 5:17
But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. -Romans 6:17
And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. -1 Corinthians 6:11
Whereunto I also labour, striving according to his working, which worketh in me mightily. -Colossians 1:29
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. -Ephesians 2:10
But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. -1 Corinthians 15:10
He therefore that ministereth to you the Spirit, and worketh miracles among you, doeth he it by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith? -Galatians 3:5

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But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. -Genesis 50:20 (Joseph, betrayed and sold by his jealous brothers as a slave, became the richest man in Egypt and is now answering their request in times of need that he predicted by God's gift)
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28
He withdraweth not his eyes from the righteous: but with kings are they on the throne; yea, he doth establish them for ever, and they are exalted. And if they be bound in fetters, and be holden in cords of affliction; Then he sheweth them their work, and their transgressions that they have exceeded. He openeth also their ear to discipline, and commandeth that they return from iniquity. If they obey and serve him, they shall spend their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures. -Job 36:7-11
For thou, O God, hast proved us: thou hast tried us, as silver is tried. Thou broughtest us into the net; thou laidst affliction upon our loins. Thou hast caused men to ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water: but thou broughtest us out into a wealthy place. -Psalms 66:10-12
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world. But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. -1Peter 5:8-10
Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. -Psalms 16:11
By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, and honour, and life. -Proverbs 22:4
Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding. For the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her. Length of days is in her right hand; and in her left hand riches and honour. -Proverbs 3:13-16
He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him. -Psalms 126:6
Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice. -Philippians 4:4
He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. -Psalms 147:3
The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. -Psalms 34:18
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. -John 16:33

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Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. -Deuteronomy 31:6
For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven: If so be that being clothed we shall not be found naked. For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened: not for that we would be unclothed, but clothed upon, that mortality might be swallowed up of life. Now he that hath wrought us for the selfsame thing is God, who also hath given unto us the earnest of the Spirit. Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: (For we walk by faith, not by sight: )We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord. -2 Corinthians 5:1-8
Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. -1 Corinthians 16:13
There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God. For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his. Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief. -Hebrews 4:9-11
Better is an handful with quietness, than both the hands full with travail and vexation of spirit. -Ecclesiastes 4:6
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. -Psalms 23
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. -Isaiah 41:10
But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible. -Matthew 19:26
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. -Philippians 4:13
Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. -Luke 12:32
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. -Psalms 46:1
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. -2 Corinthians 12:9
What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? -Romans 8:31
Then said he unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one. -Luke 22:36
Thou therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also. Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. -2 Timothy 2:1-3
Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:
Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel, For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak. -Ephesians 6:14-20

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