Questions...?

You could try asking HIM to give you a daily update on how his recovery is going. Then you don't have to push him. He just offers what he is comfortable with to you. I will say though if he wants to fix YOUR relationship he should put his comfort aside and understand you are more important then what makes him uncomfortable.

 

A good vague but insightful question is: how did you feel today? It not a direct question about his addiction. It's not a question that makes him feel shameful or embarrassed. It teaches him to think about his feelings and find words to express them. It's a language that men are not comfortable speaking out loud but helps them become self-aware and helps develop a vocabulary for their emotions.

If your husband answers - angry, frustrated, lonely, depressed, etc. - then you can follow up and ask if those emotions were triggers. Maybe he will start making connections between the two.

 

My husband has been willing to answer any and all of my questions. I still question his honesty but i guess i get an answer. At first I had so many questions we would go on all day in text and phone calls. Quickly you can see the unhealthy parts in this. I wanted to know details like did you do it on our honeymoon etc..but truth the answers to these questions don't matter. For 9 years he betrayed me, deceived me, had PIED, watched porn that pretty much sums it up the how what why thoughts were killing me. I do think frequency, times of day,locations (if common trend) and type of material and such are important so you have an understanding of the beast you two are dealing with. Recommend getting a note book and write out questions you have. Add and remove as you see fit. Then sit down with him and go over them. I gave it to my husband to answer them in his writing then we could discuss if needed more understanding. By you knowing his patterns/ weaknesses etc. You can help him better I think. Example my husband edged while driving around lunchtime a lot so I try to send him a uplifting message around those times.

 

I do the saw, notice, trance, ogle
I've had a good day or a ok, bad day scale we talked about on your thread.
It's helpful.
That's how we measure every day.
And we also do a Bigger talk on Wed (cuddle day) because absolutely No Sex as it's against the rules because we are trying to get his brain to make positive associations for happiness and calm connections to me... You know, love stuff.
I'll write more when I think of more.