Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by msa2388, Jul 15, 2015.

  1. msa2388

    msa2388 Fapstronaut

    I'm on day 5!!!!!!!! It's been a long, long time since I made it this far so I'm patting myself on the back. A word of warning: I tried my best to make the next part of this post as trigger free as possible, but it still has triggering language in it. I wouldn't ask if I didn't need this information.


    I want to pose a question: what was other people's experience like with urges?

    I'm a classical case of escalation, except for with me I think that happened kind of early on. It seems for years now I've had some fetishes/have been drawn towards some darker themes in the p*rn/cyber chat world. Some of the time I find them pretty morally apprehensable, but I'm still often justifying some of it in my own head. I should note that my real number one 'fantasy' is a loving partner who I explore bedroom life on equal footing with. In my p*rn fantasies, I'm in charge and I'm in total control (or on occasion the total opposite). Subjecting a partner to degradation/humiliation became some part of it, and other parts of it are just wrong. I really just want to have normal fantasies....and maybe some lighter (much) kinky stuff with a real person (I think that's kind of normal...fuzzy handcuff sort of stuff).

    My problem is that my not so honorable fantasies have been hitting me like a ton of bricks. It seems like several times a day, my mind drifts into some scenario. I've been pushing the thoughts aside as best as I can, but that's even more difficult than stopping myself from PMO.

    Is it normal to get an urge about a fantasy, or do you all get urges about just the act of PMO? If so, is it something that diminishes with time(the fantasies, not the urge to's clear that part does)? And, I feel like my mind is forcing me to fantasize....I don't want to give up all of my willpower fighting off these thoughts constantly. I'd rather save it for when I need to fend off what feels like an attack on my system that often in the past led to hours in front of a computer. I know it's not willpower alone, but you do need a good bit of it. Thoughts?
    AlltheRageBackHome likes this.
  2. Hi bro,

    It is normal to get an urge about a fantasy. I've got a couple of fetishes myself, but the lustful desire to use PMO as an outlet for them has gone completely. We all fantasise. We as humans are very powerful and so is the imagination. We are all very creative. Some more than others.

    You've just got to allow yourself to work through your emotions my brother. Since January, I started doing what is called Emotional Processing. I had to really feel the underlying emotions as to why I had been using PMO as an outlet and a means of escape.
    Now, I'm not an addict to PMO and never have been. It's just something I'd rather not do, but I still allowed myself to work through the emotions as to why I still did it from time to time.

    Many emotions may come up once you start to analyse your own emotions.

    A lot of peoples fetishes are created from a lot of emotional injuries. Not all, but a lot.

    I don't really fantasise any more about my sexual fantasies. I've allowed myself to feel all of my emotions surrounding this whole issue regarding PMO and I've released them.

    If this whole nofap thing feels like an intense war inside of yourself, then it means that there are still unprocessed emotions as to why you have such strong urges in the first place. Our sexual urges were not designed to be this out of control feeling that we cannot handle.

    I recently left my job, and throughout this whole streak I've been home alone and have not once been tempted to PMO. If this was me before I started doing emotional processing, I would be PMO'ing by now. I've done much longer streaks than 8 days before, but right now I'm on day 8 and have felt no urge to PMO. Don't get me wrong, my libido is fine and I still have a desire to make love to women, but the horrible craving to PMO is gone, all because I allowed myself to get to the nitty gritty of why I used PMO as a way of escape from my real underlying emotions.

    Some men use PMO because they have insecurities about women, anger towards them from being rejected etc... Feelings of unworthiness towards them... loneliness... There are many reasons, but the key is to allow yourself to just let your body feel the pain of those type of emotions. Let the painful emotions just have it's way and let it course through your body and pass through. Once you let these emotions pass through the body, they wont come back. Once a causal emotion is dealt with in it's entirety it doesn't come back.
  3. Calvinklein

    Calvinklein Fapstronaut

    Ive had similar one mate.. Same background as yours..
    It will be lighter as the days go by.. Find something to get busy with and that will help a ton.. Goodluck mate
  4. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

    I find myself fantasizing the most about ex-girlfriends and experiences I've had. Some are harder to "fight off" as you put it than others. It seems to happen the most, to quote sublime Early in the morning... but I find that just getting out of bed and moving around helps. Definitely do not lay around more than you have to.
  5. mv8652

    mv8652 Fapstronaut

    Porn keeps trying to drag you deeper into more and more bizarre fetishes. What used to turn you on becomes plain vanilla as you go for the double boysenberry mint truffle fudge. I recognized that trend in my own viewing of porn. I didn't even use it while fapping (of which I did a lot), and I didn't use it constantly. Sometimes, though, I'd start at about 10:00 p.m., and it would go on until I had weird stuff on twelve different browser tabs at 4:00 a.m. It had to stop! These occasional dives into porn were making me feel morally dirty and displeasing to God. I'm an Evangelical Christian (not a Catholic or Mormon), so I have no moral objections whatsoever to masturbation, but giving it up too seems to be a necessary part of the rebooting process to rewire the brain away from the grip of porn. It's a sacrifice that I have to make to achieve a greater goal. It's kinda neat, too, to do something that I'd previously viewed as totally impossible!

    It was my experience that, once I'd managed to hang tough during the burning desires and urges of the first three weeks, it did indeed get easier. I still have strong desires at times (especially these last two days), but I know how to deal with them in confidence that I'm not about to slip up. My urges are physical: to get off--but I just don't! If I can deal with those, I can deal with whatever fantasies or fetishistic notions occasionally pop into my mind. Fantasies, on the other hand, seem to be your biggest potential trigger. Just determine and promise yourself that you aren't going to give in to them. I tell myself aloud at least five times as soon as I awaken (usually hard) each morning and again as needed through the day that "I will not masturbate today!" Take it one day at a time, and you'll eventually get somewhere. It's necessary, because it's clear that you no longer want to be where you are.

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