I'm on day 5!!!!!!!! It's been a long, long time since I made it this far so I'm patting myself on the back. A word of warning: I tried my best to make the next part of this post as trigger free as possible, but it still has triggering language in it. I wouldn't ask if I didn't need this information. TRIGGER WARNING..... I want to pose a question: what was other people's experience like with urges? I'm a classical case of escalation, except for with me I think that happened kind of early on. It seems for years now I've had some fetishes/have been drawn towards some darker themes in the p*rn/cyber chat world. Some of the time I find them pretty morally apprehensable, but I'm still often justifying some of it in my own head. I should note that my real number one 'fantasy' is a loving partner who I explore bedroom life on equal footing with. In my p*rn fantasies, I'm in charge and I'm in total control (or on occasion the total opposite). Subjecting a partner to degradation/humiliation became some part of it, and other parts of it are just wrong. I really just want to have normal fantasies....and maybe some lighter (much) kinky stuff with a real person (I think that's kind of normal...fuzzy handcuff sort of stuff). My problem is that my not so honorable fantasies have been hitting me like a ton of bricks. It seems like several times a day, my mind drifts into some scenario. I've been pushing the thoughts aside as best as I can, but that's even more difficult than stopping myself from PMO. Is it normal to get an urge about a fantasy, or do you all get urges about just the act of PMO? If so, is it something that diminishes with time(the fantasies, not the urge to PMO...it's clear that part does)? And, I feel like my mind is forcing me to fantasize....I don't want to give up all of my willpower fighting off these thoughts constantly. I'd rather save it for when I need to fend off what feels like an attack on my system that often in the past led to hours in front of a computer. I know it's not willpower alone, but you do need a good bit of it. Thoughts?