Quick question

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by TreyBall, Oct 22, 2019.

  1. TreyBall

    TreyBall Fapstronaut

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    So I have seen a lot of guys who struggle with porn addiction, and it leads to a lot of problems.

    For me it was escalation, and I have went deep in the rabbit hole. I became addicted to gay porn at a point but I recovered from porn and I quickly got over that, now I find it disturbing that I ever even watched that genre... it’s been 3 years and if you showed he gay porn now I’ll feel very repulsed and I can’t watch it for more then 5 seconds, and I feel absolutely no arousal thinking or looking at it.

    My question is why do some people escalate, and others don’t? I have friends who I know pmo 2-3 times a day and there life’s are perfectly normal and they discuss what they watch and joke about it, I used to be like this but once it became a problem I stopped.

    Why did I get effected by porn and not them? The fact that I escalated in that genre traumatized me and I suffer panic attacks thinking I’m gay sometimes (OCD) just because somehow, for a reason I can’t explain, that shit was arousing to me. I remembered after every time I watched it to pmo I would feel very repulsed by it and never felt attraction to men outside of it.
     
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  2. SpaceAndTime

    SpaceAndTime Fapstronaut

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    I would be willing to bet your friends are lying to you, by way of omission. Porn is a drug and your brain will develop tolerance to it over time. It's a fact. The brain is seeking a high and it takes harder stuff to get the same effect after you get desensitized to a specific type of stimulus. Guys often don't mind talking about the stuff they watch that's deemed "socially acceptable" by cultural standards, but the weird stuff they really crave- they're not likely to talk about that for fear of ostracism and judgment. Please don't ever think that you are a weirdo for escalating to porn that doesn't match your natural desires- this causes shame and shame isn't helpful to your recovery. I'm a straight male and I started with straight and lesbian porn before moving on to gay and then transgender stuff. So I did it too, and you can almost bet money that anyone who is a hardcore (multiple times per day) user of porn will escalate genres after some amount of years of use.
     
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  3. TreyBall

    TreyBall Fapstronaut

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    But I’m not bisexual, for me to be bisexual I’d have to feel an attraction towards men.


    I’m going to think a series of ideas in my head, and write my reaction:

    Kissing a man: disgusting
    Sucking a dick: just no bro wtf
    Sex with a man: Not even fathomable in my head

    Have I ever felt the desire to hook up with a man or date a man? No never not once, it was all in the porn.

    Kissing a girl: Done it and loved it
    Blowjob: Love it.
    Sex: hell yeah

    I have had thousands of desires for women and have fallen in love with a couple.

    Your post made me question, why can’t I be into men, I tried to think of why I can’t be attracted to them, if other people can like sucking dick, why can’t I, I tried hard to just think about enjoying doing it, but I just can’t, I find it repulsive and it’s just something integrated in me that makes me not into men.

    Your post triggered my OCD bad... not your fault but now I’m freaking out that I’m gay.
     
  4. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    Apparently some people are more prone to addiction than others. I have read that some people can experiment with cocaine and heroine without becoming addicted while other people become addicted immediately.

    Your experience with gay porn is interesting. How could it have appealed to you in the past, but now it disgusts you? It happens to lots of people, but isn't it strange when you think about it? I probably have a mild bisexual tendency that I suppress, so it wouldn't be hard to imagine how that could happen to me. But people without that tendency can become aroused by gay porn. Weird. I guess it is the excitement of something different.
     
  5. Sorry for the misunderstanding of the article what I try to say is that some people are more prone to climbing than others, pornography does not define your orientation but the sentimental or sexual attraction that makes sense by real people before having this addiction
     
  6. TreyBall

    TreyBall Fapstronaut

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    I really don’t think I have a any bisexual tendency, I think everything is just connected to porn. I don’t even know what a mild bisexual tendency is... all I know is if I do not enjoy nor feel arousal to the idea of being with a man. I just relapsed to PMO cause I checked gay porn to see if I would like it and it disgusted me then I saw straight porn and the urge to pmo was too strong after I saw a women wearing a bikini.

    I Have been pmo since I was a little kid, I was a heavy addict and soon found myself watching gay porn, which would give me a huge rush like no other until I would climax and feel insanely disgusted.

    I’ve tried to force myself to be gay and bi, but going out with the mindset of being gay or bisexual, trying to look st men and force myself to enjoy thinking of them in a sexual way, and it never works. With women it’s easy and I catch myself checking women out everyday and when I hook up with a girl I get super horny.


    If I think of making out with one of my guy friends, it disturbs me, it just makes me go wtf and I don’t enjoy thinking about it. I don’t enjoy the idea of a penis on my mouth I just fucking don’t. And I don’t even wanna get started with thinking about gay sex, that is something my mind can’t fathom without me screaming hell no.

    You guys got my OCD tripping out, like I said it’s not your fault and like I said I just watched gay porn too see if I would like it and I didn’t, I tried to masturbate to it but I couldn’t. I swear I tried I just can’t, being with men is not for me.
     
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  7. TreyBall

    TreyBall Fapstronaut

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    So are you trying to say that watching heavy porn use can lead to porn warping sexual fantasies? Basically you are saying heavy pmo use can lead to porn escalation?
     
  8. Handzfree

    Handzfree Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Hi Trey,

    Space and Time is correct, porn is a drug... or better put, porn (and sex) releases Dopamine, which is a natural (heroin). Ever wonder what the world disappears after a good long hard orgasm? Dopamine.

    Our brains avoid pain an unpleasant experiences. It boils down to our unconscious effort to maintain self preservation.

    Dopamine wains over what porn you watch so your brain wants to up the amount.. watching taboo works. Things that used to repulse now become arousing... not because you choose, but because the Dopamine over rides.

    Don't worry about the gay porn. Are you gay? I dunno, doesn't sound like it. Meantime, IMHO, focus on the things that make you happy. Be kind to yourself. Become yourself.

    Best wishes,
    HF
     
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  9. If you just stop porn and your life will improve
     
  10. SpaceAndTime

    SpaceAndTime Fapstronaut

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    I'm not gay but I know firsthand that it is possible for your natural tastes to get warped by porn. I had never been attracted to a guy before until a few years into my internet porn addiction, in my mid-twenties. There was this guy I worked a temp gig with who had long hair and a 'pretty', sort of androgynous face, and I remember developing a little crush on him at the time, and I fantasized about kissing him and having sex with him. Also during this time I started having pronounced feelings of gender dysphoria. Both went away after stopping porn. I know it may not be a popular opinion, but your sexual preference is malleable (due to neuroplasticity) and can change if you let it. The good news is that unwanted changes can be reversed over time. I'm living proof of this- so seriously, don't worry about it. Just focus on quitting porn and M and you brain will heal.
     

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