Quit P and now flatline

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by _city_, Jul 12, 2019.

  1. _city_

    _city_ New Fapstronaut

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    I've never had trouble with ED, even with constant and excessive P use, but that's suddenly changed. I'd quit P/M, broke up with my gf of 10 years, and just met a girl I like. Sex seems natural for where I am mentally, but when we tried, I suddenly couldn't perform. I've been PMO free for a week (my best is 21 days) and single for maybe 3-4 weeks. We've tried a few times with similar results. We're still really enjoying each other's company, but I'm obviously not happy about this. I'm not even waking up with morning wood.

    I'd like to sleep with her, but I feel I've lost my sex drive. Is this common with nofap? I don't know if it's leaving this other relationship (that's defined me for the last decade) or a side effect of P addiction. I feel that if I started watching P again, I'd regain my drive, which was always fine in my previous relationship, but I'm also trying to be a better person. I don't know if I want to be a better person that loses out on this girl and can't be in a full relationship though.

    Does anyone, anywhere, have some thoughts to help me process this?
     
  2. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    Just an idea but could you somehow incorporate some of the things you liked about porn into your relationship with this girl? May work as a jump start then can be phased out over time, or not.

    So I'm guessing your counter isn't accurate....
     
  3. _city_

    _city_ New Fapstronaut

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    That's a good idea, Robinthehood. We're already trying things I like (which are pretty simple), but maybe incorporating more of the "flair" of P will help.
     
  4. PoloMarco

    PoloMarco Fapstronaut

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    I am in a similar situation. However, you should know that there are three phases of quitting PMO.
    1. Hypersexual (when you're first quitting and possibly still watching)
    2. low libido (when you just seem to "not be able to"/maddening and frustrating for you both)
    3. natural libido and sex drive returns.

    I'd say you're between choosing a temporary fix, using porn that will eventually lead you to not get it up even with porn and a woman at the same time, or a more permanent fix that will take some patience and alternative routes to climax with your partner.

    Go for the latter man, because you won't want to be the person who for another 10 years has to bring porn into the bedroom to get it up. At first she'll put up with that, but then eventually she'll see what kind of man you are (one who masturbates to screens and disturbing imagery). You want to be the man with natural sex drive, confidence, and to be able to get it on in nearly any situation. That's who you'll be, just give it more time.

    My flatline started about 2 weeks ago at day ~80. Before that I had 80 days of hyper sexuality. It is all just phases.
    I'll keep you and this forum updated on my progress of course.
     
    Gaius6Reboot31 likes this.
  5. PoloMarco

    PoloMarco Fapstronaut

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    Hey Guys,

    I just wanted to follow up on this. To sum up this post: WAIT, DO NOT PMO, DO NOT INCORPORATE P, JUST WAIT. Your flatline should subside within ~30-40 days.

    What I did to get out of flatline:
    - Kegel exercises
    - Exercise regularly
    - Take ginseng supplements (1000 - 1500 mg twice per day always with food)
    - L-arginine (500 mg as needed, do not take with Sildenafil or any ED med)
    - Sildenafil (if you absolutely must have sex)

    Around day 80 my flatline was in full swing, and my girlfriend was very upset with our sex life. We even had to split up for about 3 weeks while I figured out what was wrong. I didn't particularly have a problem getting it up initially, but I wasn't able to sustain an erection long enough for any kind of sex. I also was absolutely not turned on enough to be able to really pleasure my partner. Long story short, I was literally going insane and searching for reasons... Was it my confidence, depression, lack of exercise (I work out a lot), was it that I just didn't like her? Maddening. After some searching around I discovered that it really was my libido - I was indeed experiencing a flatline of my libido. This is a very confusing feeling. I can only relate it to needing to regain the 'muscle memory' needed to maintain your erection.

    I am now at day ~150 and my libido is back and stronger than ever. WAY stronger than when I regularly watched P and even stronger than when I quit P but still M'd with only my own stimulation.
     

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