Quit PMO, now I crave my partner even harder

[earthshaper]

Hey everyone, so I need an opinion because I can't stop thinking about this lately.

For those who don't remember me or my story, I am a 20yo male in a relationship of 3 years that has started his journey to quit PMO a month ago. After my first relapse I came to this forum for questions, and it changed my way of understanding NoFap. Dead serious from then, no PMO to save my relationship and protect my partner.

The thing is that I took it so seriously that I now cannot stop thinking about my partner. I feel deeply attracted to her, and I want to be intimate and to make her feel beautiful and special all the time.
We share precious and intimate moments together, our moods have lightened and we feel better around each other now. We go out more, we laugh and in general are great.

Is this normal, or is it a bad sign? Has my brain replaced the need for PMO with a deep craving of my partner? Should I be completely craving-free or should I embrace this? Please guide me because I am feeling confused.


Thanks for your time

 

[Sanitarium]

Hey. I'm 41, married. My personal advice: try to explore and value those feelings you're experiencing now. They are very precious. Sex is not the final point of this journey. It is just part of it. Once you integrate this way of thinking - you will feel even more great. If you feel strong urges - learn to share your thoughts and feelings with your loved one. You will build trust on that and it will pay you off in the end.

 

[Sanitarium]

We, males, haven't learnt to show our weaknesses. Tell her how it is important for you what you feel, but that you respect her decisions and feelings too. This is fundamental in building more powerful connections and openness between you two.

 

[The Shift]

Hey everyone, so I need an opinion because I can't stop thinking about this lately.

For those who don't remember me or my story, I am a 20yo male in a relationship of 3 years that has started his journey to quit PMO a month ago. After my first relapse I came to this forum for questions, and it changed my way of understanding NoFap. Dead serious from then, no PMO to save my relationship and protect my partner.

The thing is that I took it so seriously that I now cannot stop thinking about my partner. I feel deeply attracted to her, and I want to be intimate and to make her feel beautiful and special all the time.
We share precious and intimate moments together, our moods have lightened and we feel better around each other now. We go out more, we laugh and in general are great.

Is this normal, or is it a bad sign? Has my brain replaced the need for PMO with a deep craving of my partner? Should I be completely craving-free or should I embrace this? Please guide me because I am feeling confused.


Thanks for your time

Deep breath buddy. This is all normal. Your brain is fighting like hell to get those dopamine hits. Wanting true intimacy from your girlfriend is a great thing but be cautious it’s not a replacement for the porn.

if you can remember to keep in mind don’t let your sexual urges devalue her by making it about getting that dopamine. Valuing her and showing her how much you care is beautiful…just be conscious of your heart too and remember to not let it be selfish and you will be good my man.

love her with all your heart treat her the way you would want your daughter treated and you are in the best spot with her, with you and most importantly with God.

be blessed my friend!

 

[Sad_wife]

Hey everyone, so I need an opinion because I can't stop thinking about this lately.

For those who don't remember me or my story, I am a 20yo male in a relationship of 3 years that has started his journey to quit PMO a month ago. After my first relapse I came to this forum for questions, and it changed my way of understanding NoFap. Dead serious from then, no PMO to save my relationship and protect my partner.

The thing is that I took it so seriously that I now cannot stop thinking about my partner. I feel deeply attracted to her, and I want to be intimate and to make her feel beautiful and special all the time.
We share precious and intimate moments together, our moods have lightened and we feel better around each other now. We go out more, we laugh and in general are great.

Is this normal, or is it a bad sign? Has my brain replaced the need for PMO with a deep craving of my partner? Should I be completely craving-free or should I embrace this? Please guide me because I am feeling confused.


Thanks for your time

I personally think it a great sign. You are healing. She is going to be more attractive and special. You are supposed to feel that way.

My advice. Read a book or two on Tantra together if she open to it. Strat with tantra for her. Amazing book. It explains the male side in some detail too. You will feel more connected. Tantra takes the O out of the goal. It’s all about intimacy. Not that you can’t O. But trust me. She will love it. You can still practice normal sex too. But tantra will definitely make her feel beautiful and special.

 

[earthshaper]

Hey. I'm 41, married. My personal advice: try to explore and value those feelings you're experiencing now. They are very precious. Sex is not the final point of this journey. It is just part of it. Once you integrate this way of thinking - you will feel even more great. If you feel strong urges - learn to share your thoughts and feelings with your loved one. You will build trust on that and it will pay you off in the end.

Deep breath buddy. This is all normal. Your brain is fighting like hell to get those dopamine hits. Wanting true intimacy from your girlfriend is a great thing but be cautious it’s not a replacement for the porn.

if you can remember to keep in mind don’t let your sexual urges devalue her by making it about getting that dopamine. Valuing her and showing her how much you care is beautiful…just be conscious of your heart too and remember to not let it be selfish and you will be good my man.

love her with all your heart treat her the way you would want your daughter treated and you are in the best spot with her, with you and most importantly with God.

be blessed my friend!

I personally think it a great sign. You are healing. She is going to be more attractive and special. You are supposed to feel that way.

My advice. Read a book or two on Tantra together if she open to it. Strat with tantra for her. Amazing book. It explains the male side in some detail too. You will feel more connected. Tantra takes the O out of the goal. It’s all about intimacy. Not that you can’t O. But trust me. She will love it. You can still practice normal sex too. But tantra will definitely make her feel beautiful and special.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. The three of you made me feel so much better now.

As a way of responding to your posts, I will share some details about my relationship:
We are really affectionate, we love speaking about what we think and feel, and we express our feelings comfortably. We arrived at this point through a lot of work, so I am proud of our progress.
Thankfully since the beginning of our relationship we established intimacy as a way of expressing our love, passion and afection towards each other. It's a way of connecting and being on the same page for us. This conversation occurred at the beginning of our relationship because of our past trauma regarding sexuality in general. It was necessary to keep us together, and I am grateful for it.

So, being more specific: I am quite comfortable saying that I don't use intimacy with my partner as a way of getting a dopamine hit. I think that abandoning the PMO cycle allowed me to remember that, by my side as always, there's this wonderful and beautiful woman that loves me and wants to be near me. and it kinda made me go nuts

Your replies really helped. Thank you all.


PD: Will investigate tantra. Seems cool!

 

[Sad_wife]

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. The three of you made me feel so much better now.

As a way of responding to your posts, I will share some details about my relationship:
We are really affectionate, we love speaking about what we think and feel, and we express our feelings comfortably. We arrived at this point through a lot of work, so I am proud of our progress.
Thankfully since the beginning of our relationship we established intimacy as a way of expressing our love, passion and afection towards each other. It's a way of connecting and being on the same page for us. This conversation occurred at the beginning of our relationship because of our past trauma regarding sexuality in general. It was necessary to keep us together, and I am grateful for it.

So, being more specific: I am quite comfortable saying that I don't use intimacy with my partner as a way of getting a dopamine hit. I think that abandoning the PMO cycle allowed me to remember that, by my side as always, there's this wonderful and beautiful woman that loves me and wants to be near me. and it kinda made me go nuts

Your replies really helped. Thank you all.


PD: Will investigate tantra. Seems cool!

I mean I have always heard about tantra. Though is was a lot of new age nonsense. lol also for the fact the sex was never good (other then with my husband) I never thought to look into it. It was definitely part of my recovery journey here to learn about deeper connections and I knew that was part of tantra. Once I read up on it, my mind was blown. It’s really old for one thing. I thought it was part of new age spirituality. I gave you the wrong title. The book you both should start with is Tantruc Orgasim for her. It’s not the traditional “peak” we both can experience. It focuses a lot on connection. We has humans have energy body. This is a fact that we can actually test and measure. During intimacy our energy circulates from one another. We are like batteries with positive and negative poles that plug into each other to complete the circuit. Normal sex doesn’t allow for the fullest extent of this to happen. You all will absolutely love it. Yes sex is a supreme gift from god or the universe. One aspect but a very important one in our most close relationship. This aspect we often brush aside. But it is connected to how safe and close we feel with each other. How we communicate. It’s all connected. To have a bond you feel so deeply about so safe and fulfilled makes all other aspects of the relationship fluid and easy. I’m not talking about sex, or just sex. But true intimacy.

I am so glad that you both are in such a good place. I know finding these truths will make you both stronger as a couple. Knowing and honoring each other is a sacred thing. A lot of people these day really don’t get. So into independence. Guided my the misguided direction of society and our modern lifestyles. You all have the winning hand now! I love it!

 

[The Shift]

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. The three of you made me feel so much better now.

As a way of responding to your posts, I will share some details about my relationship:
We are really affectionate, we love speaking about what we think and feel, and we express our feelings comfortably. We arrived at this point through a lot of work, so I am proud of our progress.
Thankfully since the beginning of our relationship we established intimacy as a way of expressing our love, passion and afection towards each other. It's a way of connecting and being on the same page for us. This conversation occurred at the beginning of our relationship because of our past trauma regarding sexuality in general. It was necessary to keep us together, and I am grateful for it.

So, being more specific: I am quite comfortable saying that I don't use intimacy with my partner as a way of getting a dopamine hit. I think that abandoning the PMO cycle allowed me to remember that, by my side as always, there's this wonderful and beautiful woman that loves me and wants to be near me. and it kinda made me go nuts

Your replies really helped. Thank you all.


PD: Will investigate tantra. Seems cool!

Sounds to me you are doing great brother. Glad you're choosing communication and being open especially so YOUNG! good for you my guy! Thats wonderful!

 

[Sanitarium]

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. The three of you made me feel so much better now.
So, being more specific: I am quite comfortable saying that I don't use intimacy with my partner as a way of getting a dopamine hit. I think that abandoning the PMO cycle allowed me to remember that, by my side as always, there's this wonderful and beautiful woman that loves me and wants to be near me. and it kinda made me go nuts

Wow. It is one of those rare really positive posts here on NoFap. I am now even a bit jealous. Thanks for sharing and keep doing being positive!