Quit porn after blasphemous porn

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by imsoappalled, Nov 12, 2019.

  1. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    Meant to post this ages ago, but here we go!

    How I quit porn and almost completed my 90 day NoFap but messed up a week before finishing.


    Typical backstory: Got introduced to porn at the age of 12 by a classmate, been masturbating since then, typical stuff. Had girlfriends over the years, interestingly though, I'd not be interested in porn when I was dating them.

    Fastforward to the age of 25 - been practising my religion more and more as I got older, so I always had this religious guilt regarding it. But to myself I thought: well at least I'm not having sexual relations pre-marriage anymore.

    So over the years my taste in porn developed but in the past year or two it got, sad to say, pretty culture-specific. Then this website came, that posted all this culture-specific porn. Now, obviously, my religiously conscious self was aware that this is really bad, yet I was really into it and had viewed every single video on the website.

    One day everything changed: the website posted a video which was blasphemous (by religious standards) and that day my heart dropped. Sure, I felt disgusted about this secret side of mine (that noone would even fathom of) prior, but this just enraged me. The week after, they posted a video which was even worse. At this point I was done and disgusted and made the intention to do a 90 day nofap.

    Fastforward to week 11. I'm practically there bro, so close!! But I met this girl and whilst speaking on the phone we - eh, pleased ourselves over the phone. Pretty pissed at that. Happened again a few weeks later on the phone with another girl.

    Right now: haven't viewed any actual porn since June, excluding sex scenes that come in TV shows. I don't fap without porn, also cut out women, because they are a distraction. Other than that life is going pretty well, can't complain.

    However... I still think about that website and deep down I wanna go and have a look again. But I can't - not only can I not go back to watching porn, it is probably over the top blasphemous at this point. It is a struggle, every day. But I pray for steadfastness on this nofap journey. Gotta get rid of this porn habit forever.
     
    laserfish30 and Deleted Account like this.
  2. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    I'm curious what constitutes "blasphemous porn?" Isn't all porn blasphemous/profane, or am I misunderstanding something? God speed on your journey
     
  3. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    In a sense you're right in what you are saying. But when a porn directly takes something that is deemed holy in your religion and ridicules it for porn purposes, that is disgusting on a new level. Not that it was any better before though.

    And thanks bro.
     
  4. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    Something else just dawned on me: the website slowly went from fetish to hate porn.

    Imagine a website that posts video with attractive latino women, in the beginning you'd deem that to be like a fetish kinda thing. And over time they humiliate the women in the video... I think that is what you call hate porn anyway.

    The effect that had was that even after quitting porn, I'd look at those women in thát way whenever I'd see them. It was actually so messed up. Wow.
     
  5. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    Sometimes the stories in porn are worse like someone cheating on their spouse, a teacher having sex with a student, a stepfather having sex with a stepdaughter, someone being raped...
     
  6. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    That whole stepmom and stepsister thing is pretty messed up too. I wonder whether there are people who have stepsisters and whether this affected them...
     

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