Quitting and feeling no more love?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by BrokenWing, Jan 16, 2021.

  1. BrokenWing

    BrokenWing Fapstronaut

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    Hi there.. I'm new to this forum. I came here because my SO is addicted to P, tries now to quit and has strong withdrawal symptoms.
    I already read about a few withdrawal symptoms here and I know, that some of them are normal.
    He says that he is very emotionless and can't feel any joy or love. Even no love for me (most of the time).
    Before he quitted he says everything was normal. He felt lots of love for me. And now there is suddenly no emotion like love inside him.

    Is there anyone who experienced something similar? I know that feeling emotionless is a symptom that is often mentioned. But even to your partner?
    And does it get better after some time of quitting?

    Thanks in advance!
     
  2. Slimjimjones

    Slimjimjones Fapstronaut

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    Hmmmmmm. Since my journey I have noticed a larger disconnect from emotions but I can't say for sure if that was from NoFap or if its because hormones stopped hitting me like a truck and I've matured. What helped me is finding a drive, imagining the type of man I know I'm capable of becoming and acting on it. He might just need time for the symptoms to fade, especially if he was hard into porn before. However I don't think feeling emotionless is a reason to not want to make my lover the happiest darn tootin woman in the world.

    Hope this helps
     
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  3. BrokenWing

    BrokenWing Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your answer Slimjimjones :)

    Luckily he doesn't say that he wants to give up or something.
    Probably a large amount of NoFap-Users are not (anymore) in a relationship while quitting (just how it appears to me, please correct me if I'm wrong!). So I think that lots of Quitters don't notice that feeling emotionless includes feeling no / few love for your SO.

    But maybe someone can relate to my problem / anxiety in this case and can tell me a bit about how they handled it :/
    Or that it is normal and goes back to the way it was before.. after the symptoms faded?
     
  4. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Hi @BrokenWing , as far as I remember, I was a lot more emotionally sensitive when watching. But not sensitive like one who hasn't been "desensitized" by experiences, sensitive like wounds that are being touched constantly. My wild guess is that the constant abuse of yout body, hormonal and nervous systems can lead to some unpredictable consequences like that. My other wild guess is that you two should be patient and obviously continue abstaining to see the results.

    It should have been hard to listen to what he told you (I certainly would be upset about it), but It is good that he did and also that you took iniciative in helping. I am happy about hearing that.
    I wish you both luck.
     
  5. BrokenWing

    BrokenWing Fapstronaut

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    Thank you Greenishmoon, very nice of you!
    Your guesses seem right to me. It's what I think, too. I will be patient.. but he always tends to be insecure if these symptoms really are "normal", so I'm tying to get him some opinions or stories from other people to encourage him :)
     
  6. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Maybe he should first open up to the experience of what he's doing, and let aside if it fits into the "norm". In the way I see it now, individual feelings (and specially in this case) should be first felt in its entirety, with an attitude towards understanding and managing them. If focused on "where does this feeling fit?" one can lost the point of the situation, based in a sole mental state (which is highly fickle) and lost also oportunities to manage them, which are the engine to changing the situation.

    This is great. Thank you!
     
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  7. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    There are many rebooting with partners, especially. Probably as many with partners as without. My husband experienced withdrawals pretty good for the first 4 months. Then he started changing drastically. He never said he didn’t feel anything for me, but he went through a stretch where he really didn’t feel much at all then a stretch where his emotions were overwhelming. Anhedonia occurs to many addicts getting clean, no joy, no motivation, just nothing. It will pass.
     
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  8. BrokenWing

    BrokenWing Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, you both have good points. And your story Psalm27:1my light gives me hope, that these symptoms really are just temporarily. Let's really hope for the best :(
     
  9. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    There are people like me that after quitting they get more emotional. That's because we don't experience the flatline. People that get into the flatline loose all kind of emotions towards the world, don't make it personal.
    This is part of the procces. Gave him time.. eventually he will get back to normal.
     
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  10. BrokenWing

    BrokenWing Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I think / hope that you're right. Read about this a lot. Still I'm wondering why some people experience flatlines and others don't.
     
  11. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    It's because how much damage in the brain a person have because of porn and how much experience with real world intimacy with real person. More porn damage and less real experience normally leads to flatline. I have more than 10 years of porn but also like 15 years interacting with woman romantically speaking.
     

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